


Blue Song

by whimsycreator



Series: Blue Song Universe [1]
Category: UTAU, Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe - America, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Awkwardness, Car Accidents, Cinnamon Roll, College, Comedy, Cooking, Crush, Crying, Depression, Drama, Emotional, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Feels, First Meetings, Flashback, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hugging, Human AU, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Anxiety, Karaoke, LGBTQ Themes, Love Confession, Love at First Sight, Medical, Memes, Minor Character Death, Music, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Namine Ritsu, Nonbinary Soune Taya, Nonbinary Yokune Ruko, Oh my gosh they were roommates, One-Sided Attraction, Other, POV First Person, POV Multiple, Platonic Love at First Sight, Psychological, Rarepair, Recovery, References to Depression, Reunions, Ritsu is nice, Romance, Roommates, Sarcasm, School Life, Shy Soune Taya, Shyness, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Taya is a precious cinnamon roll, Teto is a precious cinnamon roll, Trauma, Unrequited Love, Uta is a precious cinnamon roll, Uta often is a robot or cyborg in my mind however, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, almost, anemia, eventually, i guess, idk if Taya is even supposed to be like this in fanon lol, implied PTSD, kuudere, musical theatre, nonbinary couple, oblivious to feelings, slight angst, sorta - Freeform, they are already humans to me though, uta has depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 51,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26617720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsycreator/pseuds/whimsycreator
Summary: Sonare Community College, a music-oriented college with a quirky and chaotic cast of students. Sarcastic and reserved Uta Utane is stuck in the middle of it all. She lost her passion for music a long time ago, and feels no hope for the future. On top of that, college is exhausting, and it’s only been her first day.On her way to the dorms after school, she meets shy and courteous Taya Soune, who by a twist of fate, ends up being her new dorm roommate. Taya is passionate about music, and wants to join the musical theatre club but feels he is too shy to do it alone. Uta decides to join alongside him to help him out.Together they spend their days at college growing closer, falling asleep in class, helping each other grow, studying for finals, sharing wonderful moments, laughing, crying, making memories, and just being there for each other. This is the story of Uta Utane and Taya Soune.
Relationships: IA/Yuzuki Yukari, Momone Momo/Kasane Teto, Namine Ritsu/Yokune Ruko, Utane Uta | Defoko/Soune Taya
Series: Blue Song Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974271
Comments: 10
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I’m back! And I’m writing another Vocaloid Fanfiction!
> 
> Did you know that this work (Blue Song) was originally a spin-off of something I never ended up writing? Now it is a main work, and things are spinning of of it!
> 
> The project this work originally was a spin-off of was going to be called Shiro-Sora. It was proposed because I watched the anime Clannad, and was inspired to create a story that felt like a “visual novel or dating sim adaption,” but with college-age Vocaloid, UTAU, and Fanloid characters! 46 of them to be exact. Yes. Forty-six. 46 whole characters with individual story routes, development, and backstories...
> 
> Here are the characters that were planned on being in Shiro-Sora. (In Western name order, since it was going to take place in the USA.)
> 
> Haku Yowane, Neru Akita, Miku Hatsune, Luka Megurine, Teto Kasane, Gumi, Meiko Sakine, Lapis Aoki, Merli Aoki, Lily, IA, Yukari Yuzuki, Uta Utane, Miku Zatsune, Rin Kagamine, Len Kagamine, Kaito Shion, Akaito Shion, Dell Honne, Gakupo Kamui, Yuuma, Piko Utatane, Mizuki, Nigaito Shion, Dex, Daina, Ruby, Taya Soune, Longya Yuezheng, Ling Yuezheng, Momo Momone, SeeU, Ruko Yokune, Ritsu Namine, Miki, Aku Yamine, Bruno, Clara, Iroha Nekomura, Yuu, Wil, Kyo, Akari Kizuna, Qingxian Mo, Anon, Kanon
> 
> It ended up being a little much.
> 
> I kept adding them because something in the cast felt unbalanced, and also because there were so many I liked that I felt needed to be included. The fact that there are 46 main characters inspired the name of Shiro-Sora. The numeral 46 can be pronounced as “Shiro” in Japanese. I then added Sora to the title. “Shiro-Sora” translates to “White-Sky.”
> 
> The protagonist of Shiro-Sora was going to be Uta Utane. I decided she would fit, because I could see her with the “protagonist personality” common in visual novels, plus she is the default voice in UTAU. She is simply default. She is the main character.
> 
> I then decided, in the novel adaption, I would pair up all 46 characters. That means whoever got paired up with Uta Utane would inevitably become the secondary character.
> 
> So I sorted the characters into pairings I liked.
> 
> When there were six characters left in the “singles pool,” Uta Utane was one of them. The only other person I could potentially see going with her was Taya Soune, a blue-haired UTAU.
> 
> They ended up being the main pair. And they grew on me. Oh my gosh, did they grow on me. They grew on me so much, that I ended up thinking about only them and writing outlines for moments of them. I ended up abandoning the other 44 characters.
> 
> I wanted to publish my Uta and Taya scenes in a story already, therefore I ended up writing Blue Song as a spin-off.
> 
> “Blue Song” is the pairing name I came up for Uta and Taya by the way. Since Taya Soune’s surname means “blue sound,” and Uta Utane’s first name means “song.” 
> 
> I soon ended up scrapping the idea of Shiro-Sora. I just decided I didn’t like it anymore. I do like the universe of Blue Song and want to build on it, but just not as Shiro-Sora. I want multiple spin-off works based off Blue Song now, each one featuring/starring a different small group of characters, rather than just one work with 46 characters in focus. It’ll be a lot easier to manage. Especially now that I added even more characters to the cast and now have closer to 100.
> 
> Anyway, this fanfiction takes place in the United States of America. I feel like I relate to it a bit better. However, none of the characters are race-swapped. The Japanese characters are all still Japanese. This fic also takes place in a “Japantown” sort of place to explain the large population of Japanese-Americans.
> 
> By the way, Taya Soune is non-binary in this fanfiction. He is a trans-masculine he/him lesbian.
> 
> Uta Utane is also non-binary, but she discovers it later. She realizes her identity through meeting Taya. She eventually comes out as a demigirl in the story. She uses she/her and they/them pronouns.
> 
> Also one more note, **I am cisgender. I am not non-binary myself,** And I am aware that I cannot speak for anyone in the community myself about their experiences. I am a cis writer, but I am trying to respectfully portray these non-binary characters as well as I can. Therefore, I will not go into extensive detail about their feelings and personal experiences with being non-binary. These are not my experiences to write about, and I understand that.
> 
> If you happen to disagree with non-binary gender identities, then please leave me alone.
> 
> Uta and Taya start out as 20 years old in this story. They’re not fresh out of high school. Sonare Community College is a school for ages twenty and up.
> 
> Before attending school here, each character had spent their first two years of college somewhere else.
> 
> This is to put the characters’ ages a bit more closer to mine... It helps me relate to them a bit more, I guess.

Uta’s Point of View

My death took place on one of those days. It was kind of day that felt like the sun, the air, the breeze, and everything, just kept cheering you on. Urging you on to do your best, encouraging you to try, and motivating you to suck everything up and just do it.

I hated those kinds of days. Ugh.

There was a point during my walk to my class on my first day of college (yikes) where I walked up a steep hill. As I made my way up the exhausting path, I began hoping that it would be a place I seldom had to walk past.

The top of the hill had a rather broad view of the buildings and trees below. (Believe me, it was one tall hill.) Atop the hill, I spied one person who was looking down at their phone, possibly looking at a map of the campus, and pacing around rather nervously. I got the impression that they were probably a lost new student.

Now, I bet you’re still reading along curiously, still intrigued and possibly unsettled about the opening where I said I died, wondering about my death, when it will happen, how it will happen, and possibly how gory it will be.

Well, no use in that, I would say. The death had already taken place.

...No, I’m not an actual zombie, and this isn’t a thriller novel or anything. I simply just died figuratively the moment I stepped my foot on the uncomfortably huge college campus of the music-oriented Sonare Community College which I will be attending from this day forth.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way...

I made my way up to the person who was pacing around, looking lost, deciding that maybe I could help them. They were probably just as dead as me, and I figured that the least I could do was help the poor person.

“Hey, are you lost?” I asked once I stopped by them.

“Um... yeah.” They responded.

I noticed they were wearing rather elegant clothes. I just hoped that my attire didn’t seem too casual in comparison...

“So... where are you trying to get to?” I asked.

“Well, this map is rather difficult to follow.” They spoke rather softly. “I’m trying to get to the Careers building...”

“Oh gee...” I said, looking at the map on their phone. “Well... I’m sorry. I don’t really know much about the campus either. Maybe you should look for a staff member. Well, good luck.”

Without thinking much, I gave the person a small, awkward smile, and went on my way.

Walking down the hill was a lot easier than walking up. However, I had no idea at the time what kind of day I was about to be in for.

———

“Chun chuuun! That is like so mucha-kucha kawaii!”

The girl sitting behind me in first period? I have no idea what language she’s speaking. I think it was supposed to be Japanese... but I’m not sure. It honestly sounded more like gibberish.

I think she thinks she’s an anime character or something. And that’s why she’s acting that way. Well she sure is animated enough to be one. But really? We’re in college now...

“Hey you!” My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a poke in the back of my head and a high-pitched voice blaring in my ear.

“Yah! What is it?” I answered.

“You! I’m gonna call you Defoko!” The weird girl said again. To me apparently. But why? Why me? Why is she calling me Defoko? What does it even mean...?

“Um... I’d appreciate if you didn’t give strange nicknames to people you don’t even know.” I said. “What’s your name, anyway?”

“My name is Miki!” The girl responded with a wink. Help me... “But you can call me SF-A2 Miki if you want. That’s because SF-A2 Miki is my alter ego! She’s a cyborg princess from outer space with magical powers and cute bunny ears!”

“Wait, wait...” I said. “Slow down, please...”

“What’s wrong, Defoko?” Miki asked me.

“What kind of nickname even is Defoko anyway?” I asked.

“Defoko is just... The word default, plus ‘ko,’ the way many girls’ names in Japan end. You seem like a really default kind of person. So your name is Defoko!”

“Someone save me please...” I mumbled under my breath.

So, I’m just a default person apparently. Miki sure knows how to be reassuring!

The girl Miki sat next to during first period wasn’t much calmer either. She was constantly saying “Nyaa! Nyaa!” like a cat whenever Miki talked about something cute or showed her a cute picture. Which was twice every minute! Did those girls even pay attention to the lesson?

Apparently her name was Iroha. She had a habit of not thinking she was very cute. But whenever she talked bad about herself, Miki gave her a big squeeze and declared that Iroha was “mucha-kucha kawaii!” Whatever that was supposed to mean.

Apparently, Iroha had an alter-ego too. She would draw herself as an anime girl with cat ears alongside Miki’s outer-space cyborg bunny princess. After class, I got a glimpse at Miki’s notebook... and saw the word “Defoko” in there.

I have to wonder... exactly what did Miki write or draw that involved me?

———

Second period class was just as strange. The highlights of that class? Definitely two blonde sisters named Anon and Kanon.

Anon made it so that when she walked in the class, the automatic sensors would detect her and epic boss music would start playing over the speakers when exposed to her presence. She walked into class, posing like a model on the catwalk to the music.

Kanon also made a striking entrance. She rode a unicycle into class while playing Careless Whisper on her kazoo. Then Anon and Kanon started arguing about who had the more epic entrance.

Apparently Kanon is training to be a clown. And by that, I mean an actual circus clown who works in the circus and does silly clown stunts. She says she loves making people laugh. I mean... so do I, but being a clown feels like such a laugh at your own expense.

Anon is apparently a hobbyist mime. Freaky.

When the class started, the professor began droning on about the class. Finally, he decided to let a boring video do the rest of the talking. So he opened a link to the syllabus and clicked an introductory video...

Except the link instead led to a pirated movie website. And instead of an introductory video, it was Space Jam.

I heard laughter coming from Anon. 

“Hahaha! It wasn’t me...” Anon said... “It was Anonymous...”

I immediately connected the dots. Anon. Anonymous. As if the laughing and “it wasn’t me” already didn’t give it away.

The professor dragged Anon out into the hall and gave her a “stern talking to” while the rest of the class pretty much just sat there vibing and watching Space Jam.

When the professor was finally able to unfreeze the computer (the website was filled with viruses,) he told the class to not click on the link as he went out of the room for a short while, probably to contemplate the mess he had gotten into.

Kanon then immediately snuck up the the front of the room, amidst a small crowd of cheering, and clicked the link again!

Looks like the next period will also be stuck watching Space Jam...

——— 

In third period class, I ended up meeting Dex and Daina.

Daina was knowledgeable about music and English, responsible, and dependable. I immediately took a liking to her! She was the first normal person I met all day.

I decided to stick around with her and be her partner for the third period English assignment of getting to know your seat-mate.

“So Daina, what kind of books do you read?” I asked, eager to finally talk to someone normal for once...

Let’s just say that that question ended up turning the tables.

“Well, Uta. Have you ever heard of Dark Wolf Fang II: Crestfallen Despair Saga?” Daina beamed, excitedly.

“I...” I stammered.

I had not.

“Well, if you like deeply dramatic and profound narratives of stirring and emotionally-rich conflict and heart-wrenching angst, it would be right up your alley.” Daina gushed.

“...Thanks.” I said. “I will keep that in mind.”

“OOH, DID SOMEONE SAY DRAMATIC?” Came another voice. A guy who was on the other side of the room moments before was suddenly sitting here...

“Dex!” Daina cried out.

“Daina!” Dex dramatically squealed.

They hugged each other as if they hadn’t seen in 100 years.

“I missed you so much my darling... I promise we’ll never be on opposite sides of the room during class again, okay?” Daina stroked Dex’s hair.

“Oh my sweet, precious Daina, it is so wonderful to be back in your warm presence. Ah, I have been reborn...”

Then they began to nuzzle each other. After that, they started to howl like wolves. 

I began to back away slowly. 

I guess Daina wasn’t normal after all. And neither was Dex.

———

In fourth period, there was a girl whose magenta pigtails looked kind of like bread. Sort of like those croissant things. Kind of like spirals.

The moment she noticed me, her entire face lit up. I don’t know what it is about me that attracts all these strange people. Perhaps it’s because I cancel them out, because I’m such a default person, as Miki puts it!

“Hi! I’m Teto!” She said, bouncing up and down.

“...Okay.” I said.

“Yay!” Teto smiled. You could literally see twinkles in her eyes.

“...Hooray.” I said, rather unenthusiastically.

I guess Teto picked up on that, because then she asked me why I was so gloomy.

“Because I’m a dying college student. Let me be.” I said bluntly.

“Oh! Hm...” Teto said. “I think somebody’s hangry!”

“...Hangry?” I asked.

“It means hungry and angry.” Teto said. “You didn’t have your lunch break yet, did you?”

Well, she was right. I was rather hungry, and I didn’t have my lunch yet...

“...Mind your business.” I said.

“Ooh. I take that as a yes!” Teto said. “Yaaaay!”

“Why are you so bouncy all the time!” I asked.

“Because. I’m happy!” Teto cheered.

“Really? Well... I’m not.” I said. At this point, I was being gloomy on purpose to playfully tease Teto a bit. My sense of humor is rather dry. I know.

“Aww, why not?” Teto made a face. An adorable face.

Oof. It was hard not to feel bad for her.

I pat her on the head a bit.

“I was just messing with you.” I said. “You keep being your happy little self, okay?”

“But... I can’t be happy when you’re sad...” Teto looked at me with big shiny eyes.

To reassure Teto, I forced a wide smile that I usually never did.

“Pff... HAHA!” Teto burst out laughing. “You sure look funny when you smile! No wonder you never smile!”

“Hey! What was THAT?” I began to raise my voice. But it was all in good humor. Teto and I were laughing.

Teto was one of the few people who could make me laugh.

During lunch break, I noticed a girl sitting alone in the corner, gazing upwards. Long white pigtails, a darker-skinned complexion, and wearing a lavender dress. She looked a bit alone. I felt grateful for the laugh Teto gave me earlier, so I decided to go to her and strike up a conversation.

“Um, hello.” I said, smiling a bit.

“Hey.” She said in a soft voice. “Do you like the color of the sky?”

“Do I... Huh?” I reacted.

“The sky is very pretty...” The girl continued on. “But... it seems so lonely. Lonely that we humans cannot fly up and visit it.”

Great. Another space cadet.

“I mean... I guess you have a point.” I answered her.

The girl began to look at me with her big purple eyes.

“I have always wanted to have wings.” She said. “So I could visit the sky. And magic, so I could cast away evil. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live in a world where things are peaceful?”

I nodded in agreement.

“Too bad my name is Aku...” The girl said again. “It means evil in Japanese.”

“Um...” I was about to tell her how my name, Uta, meant song in Japanese. But I realized that it probably wouldn’t console her. “Oh. Gee, I’m sorry...”

“Um... could you do me a favor?” Aku asked me. “I would like to be called by a nickname. Would you please call me Akurin instead?”

“Ah. Sure.” I said to her.

“Thank you...”

Just as mysterious as her words, Akurin strolled off into the distance slowly, long white locks trailing behind her.

———

It was soon finally time for my final fifth period class.

In fifth period, there was a girl named Clara who transferred here to the US from Colombia when she was in high school. She had short, slightly wavy brown hair and a medium complexion. She was really doting, somehow giving the impression of both a nurturing mother and a admiring little sister at the same time.

Clara individually greeted everyone in the class and tried to get acquainted with everyone. 

She eventually went up to me and asked me my name. I decide to give Clara a chance. She was very friendly.

I am a bit shy... I tried, but I stuttered saying my name.

“I’m... Y-Y-Uta...” I said.

“Utah?” Clara asked me again.

“...Yeah.” I didn’t bother to correct her.

“Oh, that’s very great! I have a friend online who lives in that state.”

Clara went on her way to collect more names of the rest of her classmates.

Eventually, Clara ended up making fast friends with Ruko Yokune.

I’ve known Ruko since high school. We haven’t been close friends, but she’s quite nice. Ruko also had to be quite normal and mature compared to everyone else I’ve met so far, despite her appearance. Ruko is very tall, 6 feet and 2 inches tall, and has a dyed bright blue streak in her black hair. She has a fair amount of tattoos as well. Apparently her gender is non-binary, meaning she doesn’t identify as either male or female. I don’t really know much about it in detail... but I support her the best I can.

Ruko and Clara were having a conversation when they noticed me looking a bit gloomy. Well, I’m sorry I have such a depressing-looking face!

“Hey, Utah, I’m inviting everyone in this class for karaoke.” Clara said. “This class has been my favorite so far because everyone is so friendly! Would you like to come, Utah?”

“Um... thanks!” I smiled awkwardly. “I’ll think about it.”

And that was how my first day at college went.

In conclusion, college is officially weirder than high school.

———

That afternoon, I was walking back up the steep hill. Yes, The Hill. That One Hill.

Why, you ask? Because I was going to relocate to the dorms, and it was just my luck that I got the East complex which was on the other side of The Hill than my classes. Ugh.

As I got to the top of the hill... I heard a voice calling out to me from behind.

“Um... Hello.”

“Yeah? What is it?” I turned around and responded.

A person approached me. They looked to be a student, around my age. They had a rather androgynous appearance. Medium stature. Long, bluish hair. I noticed they wore a tailcoat. Posh, formal wear adorning them from head to toe. Was that a monocle on their eye?

“Um, I just...” I noticed that they were rather shy, despite their manner of dress. “I wanted to thank you for your kindness from this morning.”

They politely took a bow, as if we were in Japan or something...

I suddenly felt I was involved in a mix-up.

“I’m sorry... I think you‘ve got the wrong person.” I said.

“Oh...” They said again. “Well, maybe you don’t remember me. But... I remember you. You helped me with directions. Well... you didn’t really know the way either, but just the thought of stopping to help... Please, tell me how I can repay you!”

They gave another deep bow. That was when I started to find this person a bit... strange. But I suddenly did remember them. From this morning. On this hill. In almost this exact same spot... Was it destiny that we were back here again?

“Um... you really don’t have to do anything, seriously.” I reassured them. “Helping people out is human decency. It was nothing, really.”

“Yet I am so grateful...” They said again.

“Well then, um...” I began saying. “How about... you tell me your name? Then we can call it even.”

“Oh, my name is Taya.” They said. “Taya Soune. What is yours?”

“I’m Uta Utane.” I answered. “Well, nice to meet you.”

“Ah! Likewise!” Taya said, with a smile.

We began to walk closer to the dorms together.

“So I take it that you know where you’re going now?” I asked Taya.

“Yes, I know the way to the East dorm complex.” They answered. “Is that where you’re going too?”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“Ah, great!” I noticed Taya was smiling.

———

When arrived at the dorms together, we ended up getting surprising news from the manager of the dorm.

“Well, you see. The computer storing the data of who was assigned to which room crashed last night.” She said. “So now we’re assigning the rooms based on the order of who arrives here. Since you two arrived here together, you’ll be sharing room 303. Do you have any objections with that?”

“Um, no.” We both said simultaneously, shaking our heads slightly.

Taya and I looked at each other.

Hm, I mean. It’s not like I minded Taya at all. Hey. I was actually kind of pleased in a way. Better than a totally complete stranger I guess.

I guess I was going to be roommates with Taya.

Roommates. What a strange word.

Oh my gosh, were we roommates.

We walked to our dorm room together. We walked in to a half-furnished room.

“Well, this is it.” I mentioned.

“Yeah. Well, sorry for the trouble I’m going to be causing you.” Taya said again, bowing.

“Hey, wait. Please don’t apologize...” I answered, reassuringly. “It’s okay... I’m glad my roommate is someone so considerate. Don’t feel like you have to apologize.”

“Okay...” Taya said again.

———

After a while, the stuff we packed away was delivered to our dorm room. We began to unpack things such as clothes. I noticed Taya’s clothes were all fancy, posh menswear. Suits, tuxedos, tailcoats, and long pants. They made my T-shirts, hoodies, jeans, and shorts look unsophisticated in comparison.

“Um, hey Taya...” I spoke up to break the awkward silence.

“Yes?” Taya answered.

“Did... you forget to pack your casual clothes?”

“Oh. No. This is just what I always wear all the time.” They said.

“...To every occasion?” I asked.

“Yes.” Taya answered.

“...Even to sleep?” I asked again.

“Don’t judge me.” Taya looked down bashfully and said.

We eventually had a bit of a conversation involving why we chose to attend Sonare Community College.

“Oh, um... Because I love music.” Taya said. “It’s really important to me... You can convey all sorts of stories and emotions through it. It can be a beautiful medium, or just a lot of fun. I’ve been taking cello and voice lessons since I was in middle school. I’m here to enrich my skills and continue down this path... Oh, and... I like musical theatre! I’ve been planning on starting it when I got here.”

I could tell by the way Taya spoke, even though they were shy, that they were passionate about music. Me? Well... I lost my passion a long time ago. But I didn’t want to tell Taya that. They were so optimistic about their future. I didn’t want to break the news about myself and possibly put a damper on their sprits.

“Well...” I started telling them. “I’m here because my major is music, I guess. I’ve been playing the violin since I was young. It’s my hobby. And... I wouldn’t mind making it into my profession.”

“Oh, nice.” Taya said.

I smiled awkwardly at them to make it seem like I still had some sort of passion left in me.

Eventually, I ended up asking Taya a question I didn’t exactly know how to word before. I hoped it wouldn’t upset them.

“Taya, um... how should I... refer to you?” I asked.

“Hm?” Taya asked me.

“Like... ‘him’? Or ‘her’? Or...” I continued awkwardly.

“Oh, you’re asking for my pronouns, aren’t you?” Taya answered, an understanding smile on their face.

“...Yeah, that’s what I meant.” I said. I hoped I wasn’t making them uncomfortable, but they didn’t seem to be.

“Well, I go by ‘he’ and ‘him’ pronouns.” Taya said. “But I’m actually non-binary though, so I’m not exactly a ‘guy.’ Nor am I a ‘girl,’ really.”

“Oh? I see. I know someone like that.” I answered, referring to Ruko. “But... I still don’t really know everything about non-binary gender. Would you mind telling me more?”

“Oh, no problem!” Taya began to explain it to me. “Well, non-binary gender is a spectrum of many different gender identities, all of which are not wholly male and wholly female. It’s quite complex, but essentially, if your gender identity doesn’t fall in the strict male-female binary, you would be classified as non-binary.”

“Hm, I see.” I said. “So, how many identities are there?”

“Well, there’s no true way to define an exact number, really...” Taya said. “Also, if you’re wondering about me, I don’t consider my personal identity very ‘clearly defined,’ but I’d say I identify with the definition of trans-masculine.”

“Huh, I see.” I said. “Thanks for telling me, I’ll look into researching it more.”

“No problem.” Taya said.

———

That night, as we were getting ready for bed, Taya asked me something.

“Hey, Uta... Um... I’m terribly sorry. I’m so, so terribly sorry, but... I have... a favor I want to ask of you... I’m so sorry!” He squeaked bashfully.

“Well... you haven’t even told me what it is yet. Quit being sorry and tell me.” I answered, sounding more harsh than I intended.

“Ah, w-well...” Taya began stammering. “You see... Remember when I wanted to be in musical theatre? It’s... it’s always been my dream... to perform a certain play with everyone... but... I feel I just can’t push myself alone. Uta, I trust you a lot, so... would you join the theatre club with me?”

A short silence befell the room as I began to think.

“Well...” I started saying. I was going to answer yes...

“Ah, I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but... um... I’ve always been shy and timid, but... when I’m with a friend like you, I don’t feel as scared.” Taya continued. “It would mean so much to me, and I promise I’ll repay you...”

“...You don’t have to repay me.” I said to reassure him.

“Huh?” Taya answered.

“You know, I really don’t really have any interest in theatre but... if you want it that much, I’ll do it, okay?” I said.

Taya was passionate about music, aspiring to accomplish great things during his life. And I wasn’t.

The least I could do was help him maintain his passion and strive towards greater heights.

“Ah, really?” Taya smiled. “Thank you so much... thank you...”

“It’s nothing.” I said. “You’re welcome.”

Maybe theatre could be fun, I thought.

That night, as I began falling asleep, it sunk in that Taya called me a friend. I smiled. I felt warm inside.

Feeling grateful that I made friends with such a kind and earnest person, I hoped our bond would continue to grow.


	2. Chapter 2

Uta’s Point of View

Taya and I had none of our classes in common. After waking up and getting ready, we would have to be on our separate ways for the day until we returned back to the dorms in the early evening.

“Taya, are there any students who are kind of... strange in your class?” I asked him.

“Well... I guess it depends on how you’d define being strange.” Taya answered.

“Hm.” I said. “I guess.”

“Do you think your classmates are strange?” Taya asked me.

“Well...” I started answering. “Let’s just say I think you won the Understatement of the Year award with that question.”

———

“Chun-chun! Good morning, Defoko!” Miki walked inside the room at the beginning of my first period and greeted me with a goofy smile and enthusiastic wave.

I slumped back in my seat and groaned. Miki was here. What a way to start the day.

“Aww, what’s wrong, Defoko?” Miki looked at me with wide eyes.

“Everything...” I croaked.

“Oh, wow.” Miki said again. “Don’t worry, you’ll be in dere-dere mode soon!”

“...What.” I said flatly.

“See, at first I thought you were simply default, hence why I gave you the name Defoko.” Miki began to explain to me. Badly. “But now I realized you’re actually more kuudere than anything.”

“...Kuudere?” I squinted my eyes. I could not keep up with this girl.

“It‘s a term that means ‘cool on the outside, and sweet on the inside!’” Miki beamed.

I sighed.

“So are you going to give me a new nickname based on that?” I asked Miki.

“Nah, you’ve still one-hundered percent cemented yourself as Defoko.” Miki said. “It’s too iconic to change!”

There was the sound of me falling out of my seat.

“Defoko, are you alright?” Miki asked.

Suddenly, Iroha entered the room. I was notified from hearing the loud squeals and giggles coming from the two girls.

“So, Miki!” Iroha asked her best friend. “What were you spending all last night working on, nyaa?”

“Oh, I was creating a super cool picture book about SF-A2 Miki in the Galaxy of Sweets!” Miki gushed. “You were in it too, Iroha! Oh, and I even put Defoko in it!”

I fell out of my seat again.

“...What?” I asked Miki once I got up. “You... you put me in your story?”

“Sure I did!” Miki squealed. “Since your real name is Uta... I made you a musical cyber-android who fights sinister aliens with the power of magical songs! The part where you and I team up to save Iroha together is super cool!”

I honestly didn’t know how to feel. I guess my face must have turned a bit red, because Miki commented on how it was “cute when kuudere people blushed.”

Yeet.

———

Second period came. I wondered what Anon and Kanon were going to be up to this time.

This time, Kanon came in the room pushing Anon in a shopping cart. Kanon was wearing a clown outfit. Anon was dressed as a mime.

Oh Lordy.

“Anon, explain to me why you are dressed like that.” The Professor scowled at her. He was still holding a grudge from yesterday, it seemed.

Anon couldn’t talk this time. Instead, she just made gestures. Eventually she had to do it to ‘em. Then she started doing the floss. Then she started twerking.

“GET OUT, NOW!” The professor said.

Anon gave a very animated shrug and dashed out of the room like a cartoon character as silly cartoon sound effects played in the background.

“And you, Kanon.” The Professor said. “Mind telling me what’s up with your outfit?”

Suddenly, Bring Me to Life by Evanescence started playing over the speakers. Kanon collapsed on the floor and began doing the worm.

The professor dragged Kanon out of the room into the hallway.

———

“So... you’ve known each other since second grade?” I asked Daina. She and Dex seemed very close. And they had known each other for such a long time. But apparently, nothing romantic was going on between them. Still, their friendship was probably unbreakable.

“Oh, yeah!” Daina smiled. “When I was in second grade, I was really shy. I had to read my book report in front of the class. But Dex here was a natural charmer and excelled in performing arts. He still does, in fact! He taught me all about how to have self-confidence. All I had to do was pretend the audience was made of capybaras!”

“Why capybaras?” I asked.

“Because a capybara would never judge you.” Dex said. “They’re big, round, and shaped like friends!”

“I see.” I nodded

Dex and Daina were nice people. They were just a little eccentric, I thought.

“Oh, by the way, Dex.” Daina asked. “Are you almost done with that new fursuit you were making?”

“Oh, you mean the one of my wolf character, Fang Zhu?” Dex asked. “It’s going fine! I just need to touch up the face and paws a bit...”

“Oh cool! Do you have pictures of you wearing it?” Daina asked.

Dex pulled up a picture on his phone of himself in a... pretty impressively made cartoon wolf costume that he apparently made himself.

“How’s the fursuit of Ember coming along?” Dex asked Daina.

“Oh, my fox character!” Daina smiled. “Well, it’s a pretty big work in progress by now. I’m not sure if it’ll be done by the next furry convention...”

Aw, that’s too bad.” Dex said. “Well, maybe you can borrow my old fursuit of Skyler then, if it isn’t finished. Do you mind going as her?”

“Oh, not at all!” Daina smiled.

Dex and Daina were apparently... “furries.” Well, they were still nice, despite seeming to live in their own world together.

———

The next period came and I met Teto again. I decided to drink an energy drink since I was getting thirsty and needed to replenish myself.

“Hello Defoko!” She greeted me. I nearly spat out my drink.

“When the... where did you get that name from!?” I asked her.

“I saw another girl calling you that name!” Teto beamed, smiling a big grin. “I thought it was really cute, so I wanted to call you that too!”

“Please... don’t.” I put my hand on Teto’s shoulder. “Please... one person is enough.”

“Oh.” Teto said, in a cute voice. “Hm... how about I call you...”

“Uta.” I interrupted. “Just call me Uta. Please.”

“Okay, Uta!” Teto smiled and tried giving me a hug. I’m not really the kind of person who’s big on hugs, so I’m not very used to them. The hug ended up being very awkward. I almost ended up pushing Teto away a bit. But it didn’t seem like I upset her. I felt relieved.

———

Lunch break. I decided to talk to Akurin again.

“Hello, Akurin.” I said.

“Ah... you remembered.” She gave a smile. “And your name is...”

“Uta.” I said.

“Oh... that’s a nice name.” Aku said, in her soft, slow voice. “It means song...”

“Yeah...”

“You know, my last name... Yamine... it means ‘dark sound.’” Akurin told me. “I have only recently learned to accept it as perhaps not a bad thing. Darkness does not have to have a negative connotation. The sky is dark sometimes, but it isn’t a bad thing, no?”

“That’s a good way to think about it.” I said.

“What is your last name?” Akurin asked me.

“Oh. It’s Utane.” I said.

“Ah... I see...” Akurin said. “Song again. Rather, the sound of songs. You have song in your name twice... I’m jealous.”

Considering I lost my passion for music, I felt rather indifferent about my name.

Lunch break was to end soon. Akurin was finished eating and was going to head back to class.

“Well, see you tomorrow.” She said. She trailed off into the distance, in the same mysterious fashion as yesterday.

“See ya.” I said.

———

Fifth period. Clara was bouncing around as usual, saying hi to everybody. She was chatting with Ruko today too, laughing and smiling. They got along so well. You would think they had been close friends for far more than a day.

“Utah, the karaoke is after school today!” Clara said to me. “You are coming, right?”

“Oh, yeah...” I answered to get Clara off my back and to not upset her. I had no real plans to go, actually. I still had her invitation in my binder, however...

“Uta, I really think you should go.” Ruko ended up cornering me when I was alone and talking to me one-on-one.

“Huh?” I reacted.

“Well... I’m honestly a bit worried about you, Uta.” Ruko said. “You just... I don’t see you smile so often, and you look alone a lot. I just want you to be happy. And I think Clara is worried too. She really wants you to come to her event. Last night, she kept talking about you and excited she was to see you finally smile. So please... think about going. And not only Clara’s sake. But for your own... okay?”

Ruko gave me a smile and walked away.

I sighed. I guess at that moment, I decided I would go.

———

You know what happened next. I walked up the tall hill. And just like clockwork, I met Taya on the top of the hill. Why is he always waiting there? Or maybe he wasn’t actually waiting? Who knows. But either way, I just happen to meet Taya on that hill a lot, as strange as it is.

We went back to our dorm rooms, and we relaxed and conversed for a bit, chatting about our day at school. That was when I remembered the invitation to karaoke. It was going to start in about a half hour. It was going to take place at the karaoke diner down the street... a fair distance away. Too far to walk on foot, at least.

“Hey, Taya...” I asked him. “Do you have a car? Can you drive?”

“Ah, no unfortunately.” Taya answered.

“Darn...” I asked. “Me neither...”

“Why are you asking suddenly?” Taya asked me.

“Oh, it’s just...”

I decided to spill the beans.

“Well... I just remembered. There’s somewhere kind of important I need to be, actually. A classmate of mine invited me to karaoke, and they really were looking forward to seeing me there... and the place we’re going is fairly far from here... it starts in a half hour too.”

Suddenly, I heard a steady pattering sound from the roof and window, followed by a distant roar of thunder... It had begun to rain heavily.

“...Well, now I definitely can’t walk there.” I said.

“Hm, maybe you can call a taxi.” Taya said.

“Good idea.” I agreed.

“Uta?” Taya said. “Um... could I come along as well, possibly?”

“I don’t see why not.” I said. I thought this would be a good experience for Taya as well. He seemed pretty shy to me, so I thought karaoke could be an opportunity to help him come out of his shell.

We went down to the dorm lobby together, ready to call a taxi. However, before we could dial a number, we saw Ruko there, along with a friend of hers...

“Hey, Ruko!” I greeted her.

“Uta! Hey!” She smiled at me. “Are you going to karaoke now?”

“That’s where I was planned on going!” I said. “But... we need some assistance. Ruko, can you drive?”

“Oh, yeah!” She answered. “I was planning on driving Ritsu and I down there right now. There’s also room in my car for two more. So if you guys wanna come along, you can!”

“Great! Thanks!” I answered.

“Thank you very much.” Taya bowed to Ruko.

We rode in the back of Ruko’s car. It turned out that she was a rather... eccentric driver. She sped up randomly, and made all sorts of weird turns! We were surprised that we made it to the place in one piece!

I got out of the car feeling kind of dizzy. So did Taya. Ruko’s friend Ritsu seemed to be unaffected. I guess they must have been used to Ruko’s crazy driving.

“Clara! Hey!” Ruko greeted Clara, who was waiting for her inside.

Also inside, were more people from fifth period class. We all introduced ourselves.

The group wasn’t that big, all things considered. There was me, Taya, Ruko, Ritsu, Clara, a girl named Momo, a guy named Bruno, a girl named Qingxian (who went by Qing, due to her name being complicated,) a guy named Yuuma, and a girl named Mizuki.

“So, who’s going to be the brave one who sings first?” Clara asked.

Ritsu was the only one to raise their hand. We all laughed.

“Well, I guess Ritsu’s going first!” Ruko said.

Ritsu went up on to the mini stage and began choosing a song.

“You guys are in for a treat of a performance, by the way.” Ruko said. “Ritsu is incredible. He has an amazing voice.”

“Ah, is that sou, desu ka?” Taya reacted. I could sense his anticipation. I noticed he had combined English words with Japanese. Perhaps a quirky catchphrase of his.

Ritsu had a feminine appearance, as well as dressing in a feminine manner, but I noticed that Ruko referred to him as “he”. I asked Ruko if Ritsu was non-binary as well, and she gave me an affirmative response.

Moments later, Ritsu ended up choosing a very powerful and melancholy rock ballad to sing. It was called “-ERROR”, and the lyrics were very emotional. I immediately recognized what Ruko meant about Ritsu’s voice. His voice was very powerful. He put so much emotion into the lyrics, and so much passion into every note.

Ritsu got a round of applause from everyone.

“Thank you.” He said, as he went down from the stage. He had rather stoic mannerisms.

Ruko went up to sing next. The song she chose was called “The Lost One’s Weeping.” It was a rather fast-paced rock song that started off rather low. I was immediately in awe of her low notes, so rich in timbre. She sounded almost like a different person. The song then progressed to a higher part and a Ruko switched to a much higher tone to slay those absurdly high notes. Wow. Ruko’s voice had such power and range to it. I found it incredible!

Ruko and Ritsu were simply on another level. Such amazing vocalists... I was kind of jealous of how much passion and devotion they must have to their hobby.

Ruko got a round of applause as well.

“Thank you!” She winked cheerfully and gave everyone the peace sign when she was done.

“Um...” I noticed Taya wanting to speak up. “I’d like to go next, please!” He suddenly shouted over the noise of talking in the background.

“Oh, sure, Taya!” Ruko said, encouraging him. “Give it your all!”

Taya shyly got on stage and began scrolling through the song list... he saw a certain one on the list and I saw his eyes light up right there.

The music started playing and everything went quiet. The song that was beginning to play was “From Y to Y.” It was not as loud of a song as the other two, but it was an emotional and soft ballad with a pleasant melody.

Taya began singing after the intro, and I was immediately in for a bit of a nice surprise. He sang a bit softly, but he had a really good and pleasant voice. I smiled at Taya to reassure him.

-

_You turned your back and walked away_  
_without exchanging a single word with me._  
_Inside my trembling heart_  
_I was crying like a child,_  
_“Don’t go, don’t go...”_

_I turned my back and walked away._  
_I had to go before I started to cry._  
_I pretended I hated being too happy, put on a brave face,_  
_and let go of my ideal future and the wish I would never get back..._

_My small studio apartment feels a bit too big,_  
_like it’s widening the gaps in my heart._  
_Each minute and second feels a bit too long._  
_If only I were spending them with you._

_-_

It was quite a melancholic, blue song... and I wondered why Taya chose it. But as the tune progressed, I noticed the song was wrapping him up in its melody. Taya was getting lost in the tune, and was now singing with more comfort and ease. He sang with a bit more volume, and I could hear him more clearly. He had a very wonderful tone. He actually had a beautiful voice...

-

_Won’t this world even allow me to have wishes?_  
_Even a single lie can bring you to tears._  
_I’ve accumulated too many sins to count,_  
_like having touched your hand and_  
_trying to go through life by your side._

_It seems like picking up the present_  
_means letting go of the past._  
_Memory and time are finite._  
_The existence of me, just standing there_  
_will surely fade from your memory._

_Can’t we ever go back to how things were?_  
_Is this the beginning or the end?_

_-_

Taya had begun to transform into a different person as he performed and we cheered him on. At that moment, it finally hit me, at least somewhat. This was the true power of music. It could transform someone shy like Taya into someone bright and confident...

-

_The night I spend sleeping in this too-big bed hasn’t ended yet._  
_I’m still dreaming all on my own._  
_A dream of searching through your memories._  
_I’ve accumulated too many sins to count,_  
_like having touched your hand_  
_and trying to go through life by your side._

_Just let me stay quietly in your memory_  
_and I’ll make it up to you with the pain of my loneliness._

_I hope we can meet again_  
_with our feelings unchanged and join hands._  
_But until that time comes,_  
_“See you again.”_

-

The song ended, and Taya gave a deep bow.

“Thank you!” He said to everyone. I saw a true smile on his face right then.

“You did great, Taya!” I smiled to him when he got back down. The way he sang the emotional song actually touched my heart a bit.

“Thanks!” He smiled back. “Uta, I think you should go next!”

Wait... me?

“Um, well...” I began to stammer.

“Yeah, Uta!” Ruko cheered me on. “Come our of your shell! Don’t be shy! We’re here for you!”

“Uh...”

Well... to tell the truth... I’m not actually a singer. Like, at all. I’m only a violinist. My dad actually forbid me from singing after my mother died. My mother loved to sing. After her death, my dad didn’t allow me to sing, telling me that singing only brought him painful memories. It’s not like I wanted to do it so much that I risked learning it secret either.

I’m not a singer... and it seemed like everyone else at this school was! So exactly what was I even doing at this school?

Well, it was too late. Everyone was cheering me on to go up on the stage. So I sighed, swallowed a bit, and decided to just go up and face the music. Literally.

Well, maybe I could fake being passable at least? How hard could it be? Singing is just like talking, except you use your voice a bit more, and for a bit longer, and move it up and down and such... Well, that’s what I thought at the time.

I nervously scrolled through the song list. There was Ghost Rule. No way was I attempting that. World is Mine? Heck no. Melt was a bit too high-pitched, not to mention embarrassing. I didn’t want to sing From Y to Y and rip off Taya. Oh. There was Jitter Doll. I like that song...

So I chose to sing Jitter Doll. I began to sing into the microphone, and for a split-second, thought something was wrong with it. A screechy, scratchy, and off-key voice was playing back at me... and I soon realized... that was MY voice!

Oh no... I was worse than I thought.

I let this continue for a few seconds. I closed my eyes. I didn’t dare look at the faces of the audience. They were probably all shocked. Laughing even.

Hey everyone, Uta Utane who goes to Sonare Community College and majors in music cannot sing worth a lickety-split!

Eventually, the song got to the high part where you had to belt. I took a deep breath and...

I let it go! Ouch! I think I busted everyones eardrums... because I certainly busted my own. I thought I heard the sound of glass breaking somewhere. Even the microphone wanted me to stop, because I heard it making a loud, low feedback noise that wouldn’t stop.

So finally I stopped. I just stopped, right in the middle of the song.

Cue me, laughing awkwardly, wishing to disappear...

“So... yeah. In case you haven’t noticed by now... I’m actually not really a singer. Like at all.” I confessed. “Sorry for falsely leading you on for so long.”

But... instead of jeers and laughing, I actually got... a round of applause?

...What?

“Hey, everyone has their own thing that they do.” Ruko pat my back and said, after the applause died down. “Even if you don’t sing... I heard you giving it your all up there! And you also helped your friend come out of his shell. I’m glad you two decided to come here.

“I agree with Ruko.” Ritsu said, smiling through his stoic and cool demeanor. “You have a lot of guts. Thanks for giving Taya courage.”

Clara began to cheer.

“Hey! You didn’t have to stop, Utah!” She smiled. “Karaoke isn’t about how well you sing, it’s about fun!”

I agreed with her sentiment, but I told her that I would rather just watch and listen to performances for today.

All in all, it was a fun day! I got to hear some great performances. I may have embarrassed myself, but it ended up being a great memory, looking back. I got to hear Taya sing for the first time, and help him become a bit less shy.

———

Taya and I arrived back at our dorms pretty late that night. I’m just glad that the professors didn’t start giving us difficult homework yet.

“Hey, Uta.” Taya said to me as we made our way back to our dorm room.

“Hm?” I answered.

“I want to hear you play violin one day!” Taya asked me. “If that’s okay.”

“I’ll play for you one day, okay?” I answered him, smiling.

After we got back to the dorm room, Taya started commenting that he felt a bit dizzy and light-headed.

“Oh, gee.” I said. “What do you think is happening?

“Ah, well...” Taya answered. “Probably just my anemia. This happens at times. Usually some water, medicine and rest does the trick.”

“Do you have your medicine with you?” I asked him.

“I do, thanks for asking.” Taya responded.

“Oh, that’s good.” I said. “Well, maybe you should take it easy tonight. I hope you feel better.”

Taya went to sleep early that night. I turned in a bit early as well.

It was weird. Somehow at this point, I felt like I was... ever so slowly regaining a slight interest in music now... because of my new friends and acquaintances. Because I had a reason to love it again. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was starting to love music again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **UPDATE October 21 2020:** I added in the lyrics of From Y to Y because I feel like it foreshadows Taya and uh... a certain spoiler about chapter 7.
> 
> The English lyrics were taken from Vocaloid Lyrics Wiki and are by bluepenguin.
> 
> Also... did you notice I slipped in a discreet title drop in the story?
> 
> ———  
> Since this AU takes place in America, pretend all the Japanese Vocaloid songs the characters sing in this story are translated to English.
> 
> I also edited in what I made Taya’s catchphrase, “Is that sou, desu ka?” “Sou desu ka” loosely translates to “is that so?” So I combined the two. The Japanese “sou” is pronounced like the English word, “so.”
> 
> Taya also will have a tendency to mutter “Sou, ne” which translates to “yes, that is so,” but can be used to mean “oh well.” It alludes to the pronunciation of Taya’s last name, Soune! (Pronounced “SO-neh.”) In case if you were wondering what was up with the Japanese he mutters at times and what it means.
> 
> Taya has anemia in this work because his character designer, CAFFEIN, has drawn him with a blood transfusion bag, which is also often incorporated into fan art of him. 
> 
> Uta being a bad singer was actually inspired by when I used Utane Uta in the UTAU program with moresampler and it didn’t sound good... (Moresampler is amazing, it just rejects Uta’s voice for some reason.)
> 
> But then I switched to fresamp and she sounded wonderful and clear. So then I was inspired to write Uta as someone who starts out as a shabby singer at first, but becomes amazing through practice and perseverance.


	3. Chapter 3

Taya’s Point of View

I remember it all so fondly. When I first met Uta. The moment when it happened, the setting where it took place. I still can recall the feeling I had bubbling up inside of me...

I was pacing around atop that scenic hill, lost on the campus, when she came up to me and offered to help...

“Hey, are you lost?” I heard her voice for the first time.

“Um... yeah...” I stammered back to them.

I lifted my head up and got a good look at her face. A kind smile... Long fringe that grazed the tips of her eyelashes... Short, violet hair in a bob haircut. She wore a large black beret on her head.

A pure person, I could immediately sense.

I felt comforted by her presence. Unlike everyone else who passed me by, she offered to stop by and help me with directions...

“So... where are you trying to get to?” She asked.

“Well, this map is rather difficult to follow.” I spoke back to her. “I’m trying to get to the Careers building...”

“Oh gee...” She responded. “Well... I’m sorry. I don’t really know much about the campus either. Maybe you should look for a staff member. Well, good luck.”

Giving me one last smile, the kind girl walked off and went on her way down the hill.

“W-Wait...” I wanted to say. But no voice came out. I reached out my hand, ever so slightly... but she didn’t notice.

“...Oh.”

I found myself looking down. I... I wanted her to stick around. I wanted her to stay with me.

“Sou, ne...” I muttered.

Oh well...

I wanted for us to maybe become friends.

I didn’t even get her know her name.

———

Regardless, life went on. The day did continue. I went to my first period class that day, and met my new classmates for the first time.

In my first period, there was a girl named Momo Momone. Her name was rather alliterative. There were a whole lot of “Mo”s in it.

Momo was a peaceful person. She had a very soft demeanor. She always carried around one of those Squishmallow stuffed animals... they felt so soft and cuddly. I wish I had one for myself...

In the middle of first period, Momo fell asleep as her desk, using her pink Squishmallow cat as her pillow. She looked so peaceful, it made me feel sleepy as well...

After Momo woke up, we ended up having a short conversation where we introduced ourselves. She was very polite. We had a delightful conversation about tea, cakes, and all sorts of sweets.

The girl sitting a few chairs down from me was very rude, however. She told us that we sounded like a couple of old English ladies who wouldn’t shut up about tea and scones.

“That isn’t a very nice thing to say, Miku.” Momo rebutted. Even her rebuttals were soft, yet also firm... kind of like a mattress?

“I... I told everybody not to call me that!” The rude girl yelled back at Momo. “Ugh! Now everyone here knows I share my first name with that FREAK, Miku Hatsune! My name is NOT Miku! I’m Zatsune! Call me Zatsune! Or else!”

“Well then. Watch out with that edge, Zatsune.” Momo said again.

“I am the darkness! I AM the edge!” Zatsune bellowed. “Diss me and get pushed over the ledge!”

A cricket in the room randomly begin to chirp amidst the curtain of silence that fell.

“That cricket’s gonna get it.” Zatsune growled.

———

In second period, there was a girl with a rather odd name.

“Hello everyone!” She said, introducing herself to the class. “My name is SeeU! But you can call me SeeU instead! And remember everybody... I SeeU! Ahahaha!”

Everyone was silent. I began feeling a bit sorry for her.

“Oh um... haha!” I began to force a laugh. “Um... pretty funny!”

“Wow! Thanks!” SeeU pointed at me. You could practically see stars in her eyes. “You’re like, the first person who’s ever laughed at my introduction! Like, ever!”

“Gee, I couldn’t possibly imagine why.” A girl in the corner of the room said bluntly, before raising a cup of tea to her face and smugly drinking it. SeeU ignored that girl.

“Um... Wow! Really?” I smiled awkwardly at SeeU.

“I have to give you a token of our newfound friendship for this!” SeeU squealed. “Here, take this!”

SeeU gave me a headband with cat ears on them.

“Um... thanks.” I said.

“Put them on, put them on!” SeeU jumped. She began putting on a cat ears headband of her own.

I shyly put on the headband.

“Now, say... meow!”

“M-meow...” I mewed embarrassedly. The class began to giggle. I also thought I saw the tea-drinking smug girl in the back of the class turn a little bit red. Or perhaps it was just my imagination?

Eventually during class break, SeeU began to bug the girl who sat in the back drinking tea. Apparently, her name was Merli. I got the impression that Merli wasn’t very friendly.

“Hey Merli... I SeeU!” SeeU said.

“I wish I didn’t.” Merli said.

“Do you want to wear these cat ears, meow?” SeeU took out the headband and as fast as a bolt of lightning, slipped them right on Merli’s head.

And that’s when Merli made an absolutely adorable squeaky sound! For a split second, Merli’s eyes lit up, and her face turned rosy. But she immediately began to scowl again.

“Mgyaaa! Wh-what do you think you’re DOING, SeeU? I-It’s not... it’s not like I secretly wanted to wear these! So don’t you DARE get the impression that I did! Hmph!” Merli yanked off the cat ears and shoved them back onto SeeU.

“Geez Louise, well then. You don’t have to be so rude you know, Shadow Lord.”

Merli smugly flipped her hair, sighed, and made a moody expression.

———

In third period, there was a girl named Ruby. She was energetic and was usually shouting... however she was very nice and helpful. Ruby liked memes a lot. She was friends with a boy named Len, who also liked to meme. Len was also in my third period. He was a bit of a goofball. 

For some reason, Ruby was greeting everyone in the class by giving us a curious object. It was a colorful, intricate origami folding of a star.

“Oh... how nice!” I said, as I received it. It was very well done too.

When the class got to it’s break time, Ruby told us all to do something.

“Okay guys, remember the starfish folding I gave to you all earlier?”

“...Starfish folding?”

“What starfish?”

“Wait... does she mean the origami star?”

“That was a starfish?”

Ruby’s eyes fell open.

“Wait... none of you realized it was a starfish?” Ruby shouted.

“Well... how were we supposed to know?” Replied us all, almost simultaneously.

“Oh... I guess I am horrible at origami after all.” Ruby sulked.

“Wait, n-no! It’s still really good!” I told Ruby. “I just... I just don’t have such a broad imagination like you!”

“Meh... Anyway, I want you all to unfold your starfish. I wrote a fortune in all of them.” Ruby said.

“Ooh, a fortune?” Len said. “This could be fun!”

Len instantly ripped open his origami star in anticipation. He didn’t unfold it gently to preserve it. He literally ripped it open.

“You will go home and Google what a mitochondria is.” The fortune said.

“Wow...” Len said. “This is so accurate!” He beamed. “Now I want to know what a mitochondria is! I AM gonna go home and Google it!”

“Um... the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.” I told Len.

Len’s mouth fell open.

“Wh... why you! You ruined my fate!” He growled at me. “My fate was supposed to be determined by this fortune and you RUINED it!”

“Gee, I’m sorry.” I said. But I couldn’t help but laugh at the situation.

I opened my fortune.

“You will become friends with someone who will change your life.” My fortune said.

My heart skipped a beat.

I instantly thought of the girl from this morning again... her kind eyes... her smile... her soft hair... her heart, the kindness she showed me... Ah...

I began to smile sentimentally. If only I got to meet her again. Maybe I was going to see her again. Maybe the fortune was going to be come true! Maybe she was going to be in one of my classes!

I, Taya Soune, was not going to give up hope.

———

My fourth period class arrived. The room filled up with strange people, and still... no sign of that girl.

I felt a bit dejected. But there was always going to be fifth period...

In my fourth period, music composition, there was a girl who was rather soft-spoken and kind of mysterious. Her name was IA. But she played the piano excellently and sang beautifully.

She captured the heart of Yukari, the girl sitting next to me. Her face was red the entire time IA performed her song. She was sighing and muttering.

“IA is so great, isn’t she?” Yukari suddenly spoke to me during class break.

“Oh, IA? Yeah...” I had to agree.

“I wish... I wish I could perform like her. But my notes are sour... I’m bad at composing... My fingers are clumsy and my voice is terrible...”

I felt so disheartened hearing Yukari talk about herself that way.

“Um... I bet you aren’t that bad!” I reassured her. “Just give it your best! Keep trying! You can do it...”

Yukari sighed.

“Thanks...” She said. “IA is so lovely though... I wanna be just like her...”

Yukari turned red again. She began smiling awkwardly a bit, and hiding her face...

———

Fifth period. No sign of that girl...

I slumped down in my chair in despair. I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way... I barely know her. I should just pick myself up and get on with life. Make a new friend. Get over it...

But...

I sighed.

I lifted my head up for one moment and noticed the tall, white-haired girl next to me was slouching in a fashion similar to mine.

“Hey...” I said, glumly.

“Ughhh....” She moaned in discomfort.

“Yeah...” I sighed again. “Tell me about it...”

“Hey!” Came a cheerful voice suddenly. “What are you two being so gloomy for?”

A tall, somewhat chubby guy with blue hair and a long scarf bounced up to us and gave us a big grin.

“We’re disintegrating into little crumbly pieces of woe and depression...” The girl next to me said in a low voice.

She gets it.

“Yeah... what she said...” I groaned along with her.

“Well... I think you two should smile!” The blue-haired guy said again. “When it rains in your life, shine light and make a rainbow! Eat some ice cream! Dance! Sing! Put a banana in your ear!”

“UUGGHH.” The girl and me groaned in unison again.

“Aw man...” The blue haired guy said again. “Need a buddy? Well... if you need to, you can always talk to me about your problems. I’ll always be willing to listen to you. Maybe it’ll make you feel better! My name is Kaito by the way.”

Kaito was being very nice. I decided to open up to him.

“Well... I guess I’ll tell you then.” I said. “You see, Kaito. This morning I met someone... someone I wanted to get to know better. But before I could get to talk to them more, they walked away...”

“Oh, wow.” Kaito said. “I’m sorry. I know how that can feel. But... there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Plenty of stars in the sky... and who knows. Maybe you’ll meet them again.”

I suddenly felt a bit more hopeful.

“Yeah. Thanks.” I told Kaito.

“What’s your name, by the way?” Kaito asked.

“My name is Taya.” I answered.

“Alright, nice to meet you, Taya.”

The girl next to me began to open up about her problems to Kaito as well. 

“You see... I just... I feel like I’m too insubstantial to be at this school.” The girl said. “I’m too shy to do anything. I’m not good at music at all...”

“Don’t say that!” Kaito told her. “Believe in yourself! You are great! You can do anything!”

The girl next to me started to become a bit teary-eyed. 

“But... you don’t even know... how horrible I am! I’m a failure... really...”

“Do you need a hug?” Kaito asked. The girl nodded. Kaito hugged her.

I decided I couldn’t leave the girl alone either. I began to pat her on the back as well. I smiled at her.

“Hey, um... I’m really shy too!” I said to her. “But what matters is what’s in your heart. If you give it your all, people will surely notice and appreciate it.”

“Thank you...” The girl said back to us.

“No problem!” Kaito and I said.

We learned that the girl’s name was Haku. She seemed like a very nice person to others, despite being very harsh on herself.

If only she could learn to be just as nice to herself.

———

That afternoon, I was walking back up the steep hill. Yes, The Hill. That One Hill.

The hill where I first met her.

I needed to go back that way anyway... the dorms were that way. And I was going to relocate to them now that class was over.

I got to the top of the hill and took in the view. I then thought of something just a little crazy...

What if... what if I waited for a little while?

What if, if I stood here and waited, I would see her coming up the hill again just like last time?

But it’s not like I would wait for a long time, I was planning on only doing it for two minutes tops. And it was mostly for taking in the view anyway. I swear...

The view of the trees and buildings below really was breathtaking. I thought it was worth climbing up the steep hill to see. As soon as I decided to go back down, I looked forward, and...

Ah! It was... it was her! It was HER!

She had passed me by without me even noticing!

I immediately decided to run after her... but then slowed my pace to a fast walk to avoid seeming desperate.

As soon as I was in her proximity...

“Um... Hello.” I spoke. My voice came out rather softly...

“Yeah? What is it?”

Ah! To my surprise, she turned around and answered me!

“Um, I just...” I looked down, and began to fumble with my fingers. “I wanted to thank you for your kindness from this morning.”

I bowed then, out of reflex. Ever since I took a trip to Japan when I was fifteen, I picked up a habit of bowing to show respect or gratitude, and couldn’t get rid of it since.

“I’m sorry... I think you‘ve got the wrong person.” The girl said.

“Oh...” I answered. I suddenly felt a bit dejected again. I tried to refresh their memory. “Well, maybe you don’t remember me. But... I remember you. You helped me with directions. Well... you didn’t really know the way either, but just the thought of stopping to help... Please, tell me how I can repay you!”

I bowed again. I felt so grateful to her. I wanted her to know this. I wanted her to know how happy I was that she was alive. I wanted her to know how much I appreciated her!

“Um... you really don’t have to do anything, seriously.” She said back to me. “Helping people out is human decency. It was nothing, really.”

“Yet I am so grateful...” I said.

“Well then, um...” The girl began thinking. “How about... you tell me your name? Then we can call it even.”

“Oh, my name is Taya.” I said, smiling. “Taya Soune. What is yours?”

“I’m Uta Utane.” She answered. Finally, I got her name. “Well, nice to meet you.”

“Ah, Likewise!” I said. My heart still beating in my chest, I felt so happy... so elated. I was friends with Uta Utane. The seed had sprouted, and I couldn’t wait to see it grow and bloom. Who knows where our friendship will take us now?

This would just be the start of our long uphill journey together.


	4. Chapter 4

Taya’s Point of View

“Good morning, Taya. Are you feeling better?” Uta asked me.

I smiled. I was still sleepy, but Uta being considerate of me made me feel much better already.

“I am, thanks for asking.” I said back. “I feel like I can attend classes today.”

“That’s great!” Uta said. “I’m glad.”

“Yeah! Um... Uta.” I started saying. “So, last night, I looked up the requirements to join the theatre group. It turns out that they are an afterschool club and anyone can drop by and join their projects. So... after school, would you join me over at the Arts building where they meet?”

“Oh, sure then.” Uta said.

“Thank you!” I smiled. I felt nervous, but excited. I wondered what they were going to be like. 

———

That day at school, I met again with Momo.

“Taya! You were really great at karaoke yesterday!” She said, greeting me. “I was impressed.”

“Heh, thanks.” I said, blushing a bit. “You weren’t so bad yourself.”

“Haha, thanks...”

“You two sang together, huh? So, what SONG did you two cream puffs sing?” Zatsune, the class edge lord, began to mock us. “Fuwa Fuwa Time?”

“Hey! Fuwa Fuwa Time goes hard and you know it!” Momo put her hands on her hips.

“Hah! You have GOT to be kidding me!” Zatsune scoffed. “What’s so cool and edgy about ‘When I look at you, my heart always goes thump-thump! This shaking feeling is fluffy-fluffy, like a marshmallow?’”

Momo and I burst into giggles!

“Ugh, your giggly sound is grating on my ears...” Zatsune growled.

“Hm... so, how do you know that song anyway, Zatsune?” Momo crooned.

Zatsune suddenly made a hilarious face! Haha, gottem!

“Ah-w-w-well... no reason really! I only know it so I can make fun of it! I only listen to it to laugh at it! I swear!”

The edge lord was blushing a rosy pink!

Momo and I kept giggling.

“Ugh, shut up!” Zatsune growled. “I am the darkness! I am the edge! I will push you both over the ledge!”

Keep in mind that Zatsune was around five foot nothing. Even Momo was about a couple inches taller than her. And I was three inches taller than Momo. (With my shoes on.) And no? Before you ask... I am not pointing this out due to having a height complex or anything...

We weren’t really scared of Zatsune.

———

“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream!” SeeU was singing at the front of the room in second period. “Merli, Merli, Merli, Merli, life is but a dream!”

Merli suddenly practically teleported to the front where SeeU was and gave her an intense and powerful glare of disapproval. You could practically see the lasers coming from her eyes, burning into SeeU’s skull. 

“Oh, hello Merli!” SeeU seemed oddly unfazed, however.

“Don’t you dare. Make a joke out of my name. Ever. Again.” Merli said in a menacing low tone that made the room rumble.

“Okay.” SeeU said. “Well... would you like a make-over then?”

“Excuse me?” Merli started saying. “Well. I believe I am quite beautiful the way I am.”

“Oh no, this isn’t any make-over. It will be a Meikover, done by Meiko.” SeeU said, using the names of students in the school in her puns. “You will Luka like a whole different person. I promise, Yuu Wil. Since your hair is kind of Longya, we will Taya big ribbon in it. Haku’d we not? Why don’t Yukari around a designer purse as well? A red one like a Ruby? Or a blue one like a Lapis? You will get to Piko which color you want. And remember one more thing...”

“What?” Merli asked.

“...I can SeeU.”

“UGH!” Merli groaned and walked away.

———

“Bananas are cooler than starfish, because they have appeal.” Len said.

“Starfish are cooler than bananas, because they are stars.” Ruby said.

“No way!” Len shouted.

“Way!” Ruby shouted.

“You are so wrong about absolutely everything!” Len bellowed.

“You would never be right, even if there was no such thing as left!” Ruby bellowed.

“You are never invited to one of my Kool-Aid Toilet Parties again!” Len screamed!

“You are never invited to one of my Guitar Hero Feet Challenges ever again!” Ruby screamed!

“Hmph!” They declared in unison.

In third period, Ruby and Len had gotten into a pretty intense fight. Apparently every month, they had a squabble over something really stupid. But just like clockwork, they would always, always make up right at 1:43 PM on the clock.

The time was now 1:20 PM. Only 23 minutes until Len and Ruby were going to make up. I was curious and kind of looking forward to seeing HOW they were going to make up, because right now, they seemed like such bitter enemies! Oh, the drama... But also, I had always loved scenes in movies where friends apologized to each other. I found such scenes very sweet. A good one could even bring me to tears sometimes.

Len was slouching in his seat on one side of the room, listening to a song that went “All around me are familiar faces, worn out places.” Ruby was sitting at the opposite side of the room, listening to a song that went “Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again.”

I could tell they were both taking it pretty hard.

Maybe I could help? But then again, they always would make up on the hour and minute... But juicy drama or not, I couldn’t really handle to see such good friends fight like this...

But before I could do anything, the professor walked in the room and began lecturing us non-stop.

Before I knew it, it was 1:43 PM.

That was when...

“I’m sorry!” Two voices from either side of the room simultaneously rang out in unison. Len and Ruby were apologizing to each other right on the clock!

They sprang right out of their seats and ran to each other in slow motion.

“Len, bananas are rad.” Ruby said. “And I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay! I’m sorry too.” Len said. “Starfish are pretty epic as well.”

“Thanks!”

They hugged.

I began to clap for them. The rest of the class joined in. The professor sighed, shook his head and mumbled something about this year’s students being a bunch of hooligans. He also uttered a bunch of profane words that I, Taya Soune, am simply not permitted to repeat.

———

In fourth period, somehow a small group of us ended up playing truth or dare during break. IA, Yukari, and I were involved.

It was Yukari’s turn to dare IA to do something right of the bat. She gasped, and her lilac eyes fired up with little twinkles.

“Kyaaa! I dare IA to sing the Barney theme song! Haha!” Yukari doubled over giggling.

“Ah. If you say so.” IA said quietly in a dulcet tone.

The platinum blonde stood up and cleared her throat. She took a deep breath...

“I love you, you love me. We’re a happy family. With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to you, won’t you say you love me too?”

Wow... even the Barney theme song sounded beautiful and otherworldly when sung by IA. Yukari was probably expecting it to be funny, but it was simply too amazing to be humorous.

IA’s voice simply just melded into every tune and enhanced every melody on the planet. She used delicate vibrato and a dulcet tone, singing it softly and sweetly like a lullaby.

“Oh... oh...” Yukari was sitting there, speechless, face pink like a fluttering sakura petal in the spring breeze. “IA... that... that was incredible. And to answer your question... Yes! I do love you, IA! I love you a lot!”

My mouth fell open. Yukari was going to make a move already?

IA, however, seemed to be a bit oblivious to Yukari’s connotation of the word “love.”

“I’m flattered that you think so highly of me.” IA said. “I hope we can get along.”

Yukari began to breathe heavily and finally fainted backwards.

“Is she all right?” IA asked me.

“Um... she sometimes just has... heart... whisperings.” I said, making up a poorly-thought-out medical term that turned out to be fake. Good thing IA also didn’t know the difference.

“Ah. I see.” She said. “I hope she recovers soon.”

———

Fifth period. Haku seemed to be in somewhat better spirits. Kaito and her ended up becoming friends. They both liked writing poetry, so they were talking about it in class. However, their tastes in poems differed quite a bit.

“Say Haku... have you ever written anything... upbeat before?” Kaito asked.

“Hm, well... there was this one poem I wrote about a really sweet kitten...” Haku started.

“Oh, that’s cute!” Kaito said.

“Yeah.” Haku said. “It was really sad when the kitten died at the end.”

“Oof...” Kaito said, the smile on his face disappearing. “Um... maybe we should start with your first positive poem, Haku. Right here and right now.”

“Um... okay.” Haku said.

I cracked a bit of a smile.

“Oh, hey Taya.” Kaito said.

“Don’t tell me you only just noticed me.” I said.

“Well... you were kinda quiet.” Kaito said.

Ah yes... I was, in fact! I was too busy anticipating about the theatre club that would be right after this period. I wondered... Would the members be kind? Would they be encouraging towards me? What kind of play will they be working on? Wow... so much to think about! So much that would be in store...

By the time I snapped out of my little bout of imagination, Haku finished a short poem.

“Really? Let me read it!” Kaito said.

“Well... it is positive, I guess...” Haku said.

Positive Things  
by Haku Yowane

Positives can be in electrically charged. So can negatives.  
Positives and negatives can be emotionally charged as well.  
A positive number is a number greater than zero, more than nothing.  
Something that I will never succeed in being.  
You can be negative for a disease. You can be positive for one too.  
In this case, you would much rather be negative, no?  
Blood types can be positive for some. Negative for others.  
The negativity even flows through my veins. Isn’t that iconic?  
There is one more thing in the world that is quite positive.  
That is the fact that I will ever amount to anything.

“Haku...” Kaito groaned, “Well... You explored a lot of definitions in this poem. Yet NONE of these were the definition of positive I wanted you to write about!”

“Uwaah!” Haku squeaked. “I’m sorry...”

Kaito pet Haku on the head.

“It’s okay. We’ll try again! You can do it if you try!”

“Okay!” Haku smiled.

Haku really does have a nice smile.

If only she showed it more often.

———

Finally, classes were over. It was finally time. I met Uta up upon the hill (our meeting place,) and we headed straight to the theatre club’s meeting room!

My heart was fluttering in my chest as I twisted open that doorknob and pulled open the door...

We were immediately greeted to an incredibly goofy scene.

I recognized a few of the people in there!

I saw Merli. Ruby was also there! There was also Bruno from karaoke yesterday, and Qingxian. There were also six more people. Everyone was in a big circle, singing a silly song.

“Anything you can do, I can do better!” Merli was singing to the class.

“I can do anything better than you!” The rest of the class answered.

“I can shoot a partridge, with a single cartridge.” Bruno sang.

“I can get a sparrow, with a bow and arrow.” Merli sang.

“I can live on bread and cheese!” Ruby sang.

“And only on that?” Qingxian sang.

“Yes!” Ruby answered.

“So can a rat!” Qingxian scoffed.

“Any death you can die, I can die better!” Merli sang. “I can die any death better than you!”

Excuse me... what?

Suddenly, the entire club was having a contest of who could enact the most dramatic and stirring death scene! Waah!

Was this the scary eccentricity of theatre kids that everyone mentions?

“Uta!” I began to shriek, clinging onto her. “They were right! Theatre kids ARE scary!”

Suddenly, everyone snapped out of their trance and noticed us, the newcomers.

“Oh, hello!” A cheerful, bubbly girl with long blue pigtails greeted us. “I’m Lapis Aoki. Might you be here to join our humble little group?”

“Humble? Yeah right.” I heard Uta mumble. I loved her dry sense of humor.

I began to shyly respond to Lapis.

“Ah... y-yes. Um, my name is... Taya Soune, and I... I would... I would really like to j-join your theatre club, please!”

I bowed out of reflex, the way I tended to do. I hope I didn’t come off as too awkward...

“Hm...” Lapis immediately reacted, thinking while scratching her chin. “That bow you just did...”

Lapis paused for a second. Suddenly she bounced right back up.

“You definitely have a flair for the dramatic, Taya!”

Lapis took my hand into hers. I felt a bit embarrassed. She came on a little bit strong.

“I can definitely see you as a drama KING!” Lapis chirped.

“...Does she mean that as a compliment?” Uta grumbled.

“And you!” Lapis suddenly pointed to Uta.

“That stoic coolness... that refreshing lack of expression!” The eccentric girl beamed. “You’d make the perfect strong and silent type!”

The rest of the club was smiling and nodding. So not only Lapis was weird... everyone in here was theatrical and strange! What was someone so shy like me doing here?

I needed to get used to this!

———

Eventually, the group began to discuss the plays they wanted to do.

“So... what about Cinderella?” Lapis asked.

“Seriously?” Merli groaned. “I’ve done Cinderella at least eight times in my life. It’s so old.”

“Hmm...” Lapis thought. “But... you’ve never played the role of Cinderella herself, haven’t you?” She asked.

Merli’s expression suddenly perked right up. She did a bad job hiding her excitement.

“Um... well... no.” She said. “But... you know I wouldn’t be cut out for the role of a cute protagonist.” She said. “I’m not cute, or cheerful, plus I’m a contralto...”

“You sound a lot like you secretly want it though, Merli!” A short boy with green hair spoke. Apparently his name is Nigaito. He seemed like a very innocent and pure person.

“Shut it.” Merli said.

“Hey, you can’t talk like that to Nigaito! He’s sensitive!” A boy with wild brown hair said. His name was Kyo. He was energetic and seemed mischievous yet kind.

“Nigaito is right though.” Lapis giggled. “I know my sister well enough to know that she secretly wants to be cute.”

...Wait a minute.

“Wait, did you just say sister!?” I asked Lapis.

“...Yeah. Merli is my older sister after all. It can be a bit hard to believe at first.”

Well! That certainly came out of left field. I wouldn’t have guessed that those two were sisters in a million years.

“Hmm... As for plays, how about The Lion King?” A guy named Dex said. Apparently he is Uta’s classmate.

“You just want an excuse to wear a fursuit.” Ruby said.

Everyone started laughing.

“I know! How about we make a musical play adaption of Dark Wolf Fang II: Crestfallen Despair Saga?” A girl named Daina beamed, excitedly. She was Dex’s best friend, and also Uta’s classmate...

“NO!” Everyone else said in unison. Except Dex.

Well, that was how I spent my first day at the club. It wasn’t bad. But it also wasn’t quite what I ideally envisioned either.

Uta and I began to walk back to our dorm rooms in the evening.

“So, how was it?” Uta asked me.

“Oh. Great!” I forced a smile that looked wide and genuine...

“Hm...” Uta began to look as if she was seeing through it. “Well, actually, something tells me that you didn’t speak up as much as you wanted today.”

“Ah.” I said. “Well... actually, you’re right. It’s just that... I’m still not hat confident. And everyone else seemed so close... and I didn’t know how they would react to my ideas.”

Uta nodded in understanding.

“Well, tell me then.” She said. “About this play you wanted to perform with everyone. I remember you telling me about a certain play you wanted to perform.”

“Oh... that?” I answered. “Well... It... might not be to everyone’s tastes, exactly...”

“So, what’s it about?” Uta asked again.

“I... um... it’s a... a kind of sad, yet magical and bittersweet story...” I started saying sheepishly. “And I um... I wrote it myself...”

“Oh. You... did?” Uta asks.

“Yes...” I began feeling a bit bashful. “It’s my dream... to bring this story to life with everyone. I’m lonely a lot. So I hope this story I wrote could help bring me and my schoolmates closer together. It’s what I’ve wished for a long time.”

I had just told Uta my wish. I felt butterflies in my stomach, but I trusted her with it so much.

“I see.” Uta said. “Well, I think that maybe next time you should speak up and tell everyone your dream. And... If you need so, I’ll help you, okay? I’ll help you the best I can, alright? Because... dreams are important.”

At that moment, I felt so grateful again...

“Uta, thank you.” I said, touched by her words. “How can I ever repay you?”

“There you go, talking about repaying me again.” Uta said. “You don’t need to, okay? We’re friends. Just being there for each other will be enough.”

“Okay...” I smiled fondly.

Uta was such a good friend and a great listener. I was more than glad, and immensely grateful to know her.

———

We got back to the dorms.

“So... what are we going to do for dinner?” I asked. “It’s pretty late to get carry-out. We’re out of instant ramen.”

“Hm... I’ll cook, I guess.” Uta said.

“Okay.”

I was pretty eager to taste something Uta cooked herself.

Uta went in the kitchen and I heard a lot of mumbling. I heard some clashing of pots and pans... something sizzling... and suddenly...

KA-BOOM!

Something exploded from the kitchen! Purple smoke filed the air. Wait... Purple!?

A shocked-looking Uta with burnt, greasy bits of food all over her hair and clothes collapsed right in front of me!

“Taya...” She groaned. “Help me... I thought I could finally do it now that I’m under the pressure of being independent, but... it turns out I still can’t cook after all...”

“Oh no...” I said. But I couldn’t help but smile a bit. Uta was funny sometimes.

I went in the kitchen immediately and cleaned up the mess as Uta took a shower to wash away what got on her and in her hair. I honestly wondered exactly what Uta was trying to make that ended up exploding with purple smoke. I honestly bet Uta was the only person in the world who could create such a reaction when she cooked though. She definitely had a... unique gift.

I decided to surprise Uta by cooking for us while she was in the shower.

I noticed we had all the ingredients to make fried rice, and some eggs. So I decided to make a fried rice omelette.

As I was cooking, and while Uta was in the shower, I think I heard her singing. Honestly, I don’t think she sounds that bad. She does have a pleasant voice. She just needs some work on pitch and using her diaphragm. 

At one point, she kept trying to belt the part in Jitter Doll she had the most trouble with. Momo, who lived in the same building, ended up knocking on my door and asking what was going on.

“Um... we’re just watching a horror movie with a lot of screaming in it.” I told Momo. I decided to cover for Uta. I didn’t want to embarrass her. And I wasn’t going to tell Uta that I had to tell a white lie to Momo either.

“Well, it smells delicious in here.” Momo said. “Well, see ya.”

I finished cooking the rice omelette right before Uta came out of the shower. I wondered what kind of pattern I would write or draw on her omelette with the ketchup.

Since Uta is a violinist, I settled on making it look like a violin. Although it looked a bit awful and I ended up using too much ketchup to draw it... I hoped she would enjoy anyway.

“Uta, I cooked dinner for us!” I told her, once she came out of her bedroom dried off.

“Oh wow!” She said once she saw the plates. “You really outdid yourself, Taya. Thank you!”

She took a spoonful to her mouth and chewed.

“Woah... this is like, great...” She said.

“I’m glad you like it!” I said. “I’m going to whip up some dessert now.”

“Oh no, you don’t have to, Taya.” Uta said. “I promise, you worked hard enough. This is more than enough.”

“But, I want it too you know.” I said. “And I would love to treat you to dessert as well.”

Uta finally let me make dessert. I stirred some extra fluffy and spongy batter, put it in the oven, and made some cream to go in the center and on top. I made a shortcake... but with no strawberries. There were none in the dorm room’s kitchen, disappointingly. I love strawberries a lot, and they were my motivation for making this cake. But by the time I realized we had none, I was already halfway done with the cake anyway.

I decided the cake looked a bit plain, so I used blue food coloring with the left-over icing and put it into a syringe. I wrote a message on the cake in cursive with blue icing. “Blue Song.”

Why “Blue Song”? Because the first kanji in my last name, Soune, means blue. Uta’s name means song. I feel that would be the name of our friendship. Or our friend ship. If our friendship was a ship, it would be the SS Blue Song. Or something.

Uta liked the message on the cake, to the point of wanting to preserve the part where the words were written. She said it was delicious as well.

“You are such a good cook, Taya.” Uta said, once we were done. “I had no idea.”

“Hehe, thanks.” I said, smiling.

We helped each other with homework and spent some time by ourselves before going to sleep satisfied.


	5. Chapter 5

Uta’s Point of View

Last night, Taya had poured his heart out to me when he told me his sincere wish to share a performance with his schoolmates. I lost the ability to dream a long time ago... so the fact that he had such pure dreams made me really want to help him.

I really wanted to find out what Taya’s script was about too. I was looking forward to it. But for now, I had to go to my classes...

———

“So, she has this awesome transformation that she does where she gains the power of song. She has the power to extract music from things and make it come from her fingertips! She also has an enchanted machine gun that shoots deadly music notes to snipe sinister aliens. And she has this totally cool, mysterious personality!”

Miki seemed to be really into her... anime. Or whatever she was talking about with Iroha.

“Hey, which character are you talking about?” I decided to ask her. Miki’s smile suddenly got really big.

“Defoko!” She answered, with excitement.

I fell out of my chair again. Ouch. That’s going to start to hurt eventually.

“...You mean the version of me you put in your story!?” I got embarrassed.

“Heck yeah!” Miki said. “You’ve become a really significant character in my story called SF-A2 Miki in the Galaxy of Sweets! Defoko is totally kakkoii AND kawaii at the same time!”

Miki spent the rest of the class drawing ‘Defoko’ doing strong-looking battle poses. She and Iroha wouldn’t stop swooning over them.

“Nyaa! Defoko-chan is soooo kakkoii!” They squealed.

I have to wonder... is Miki developing a crush on the version of me that she created in her imagination?

That’s a little... strange.

———

In second period, Anon and Kanon were late as usual. But everyone was expecting to suddenly arrive, with shenanigans up their sleeves.

And surely, they did.

“Prepare for Anon!” Rang Anon’s voice over the speaker.

“And make it Kanon...” Came Kanon’s voice.

“To protect the class from constipation!” Said Anon.

“According to all known laws of aviation...” Kanon said.

“There is no way a bee should be able to fly above...”

“The power of our hope and love!”

“Anon!”

“Kanon!”

“Team Circus blast off at the speed of sound!”

“Surrender now, or prepare to be clowned!”

Suddenly, Anon and Kanon fell from the ceiling. Nobody figured out exactly how they pulled that off.

The professor angrily stomped up to them and gave them F’s for the day.

F.

———

“So, Uta.” Daina said in third period. “I didn’t know you were one of us.”

“Huh? What are you talking about suddenly?” I said.

“A theatre kid like us!” Daina said.

“Oh, that.” I said. “Well... it’s not me who’s the... theatre kid, per se? I came to assist a friend. That would be Taya, the one I came to the club with.”

“Oh. Okay.” Dex said. “But you’re joining the club too, right?”

“Oh, sure.” I said. “I have nothing to lose.”

Dex and Daina suddenly looked at me with strange smiles.

“Okay... now you’re starting to weird me out.” I said.

“We will convert you.” They said. “To one of us.”

“Uh... haha...” I laughed nervously.

———

“Uta, I didn’t know you had song powers!” Teto ran up to me in fourth period.

I sighed.

“Let me guess... you talked to Miki.” I said.

“How did you know?” Teto’s little face lit up.

“Because. Miki fabricates all this weird stuff about me. I’m not as cool as she makes me seem.”

“Aww...” Teto said. “But you’re super cool to me!”

I couldn’t tell if Teto was meaning this or if she was just being nice. Or joking.

“What part of me is cool then?” I asked.

“Your awesome hair and your personality and your cool hat and the way you talk and your clothes and your cute style!”

“Um... thanks!” I said, a small bit flattered. “I’m really not that cool though. Honestly. I’m just weird and awkward.”

“I’m the weird and awkward one! You’re cool!” Teto said.

I sighed.

“Do you really think that?” I said softly.

Teto nodded.

“Okay, then I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you.” I pat her head.

———

I went to lunch break with Teto and introduced her to Akurin.

“Your pigtails... are a bit like tornadoes...” Akurin said to Teto once she saw her. “Or perhaps what one would call funnel clouds that form in the sky...”

“I personally thought they looked like croissants, myself.” I said.

“Hey, don’t make fun of my hair!” Teto said.

“We’re not... it’s really cute actually.” I said to reassure Teto.

“I wonder what Teto would look like with her hair straightened.” Akurin wondered.

“...Then she wouldn’t be Teto anymore!” I declared.

“Then who would I be instead?” Teto asked.

“Straighto.” Akurin and I said at the same time.

“...Wow.” Teto said.

———

“Hey, Uta!” Ruko greeted me. Clara was by her side. “How are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m fine.” I said. At least I wasn’t dying.

“How’s Taya?” Ruko asked.

“Oh, we’re both doing great!” I said. “Um, did you know I helped him by joining the musical theatre club with him yesterday? He’s quite shy, but he has a dream to perform a play with everyone. Oh, and then last night he cooked a really delicious meal for us! I had no idea Taya was such a fantastic cook. It was a really nice surprise...”

Ruko smiled.

“You know, you suddenly lit up as soon as I mentioned Taya.” She said.

I suddenly felt a bit embarrassed. I did?

“You and Taya obviously seem to get along quite well.” Ruko said. “I understand. When I first met Ritsu back in 10th grade, we became really important to each other. Now I live in a dorm with him and we’re practically inseparable. It’s great that you found someone you get along with so well! Maybe Ritsu and I will drop by and visit you guys sometime!”

Ruko looked at Clara.

“Clara, would you want to come along too?”

“I will if I can!” Clara said. “But dorm rooms can fill up quite fast.”

“Yeah, that is sadly true.” Ruko said. “We’ll try not to intrude so much. Well, class is gonna start. See ya, Uta.”

I waved goodbye to Ruko for now. She’s such a social person and is great at brightening people’s day.

———

It was now time to go to the theatre club. Taya and I made our way there. I told Taya what the plan was going to be—that he was to speak up about his ideas today.

“Okay guys...” A girl named Gumi said, when it was time to discuss plays. “How about we do Pinocchio?”

Silence.

A cricket in the room started chirping.

“Ah... darn.” Gumi said. “I spent all night trying to come to that conclusion...”

“Ah, um...” That was when Taya began to mutter.

“Hey um... guys!” I decided to speak up for him. “I think Taya wants to say something. He has an idea.”

“Ooh, what is it?” Nigaito asked.

“I’d like to hear!” Said Ruby.

“Um... it’s...” Taya started stammering and turning red. “It’s... a play... maybe a little bit like Pinocchio but... well, it’s actually not like it at all, but... I... I wrote it myself! A-And since you can’t seem to decide on anything, I thought m-maybe we could consider doing an... original story, perhaps?”

There was silence for a couple of seconds.

“Well... do you have a script?” Qingxian asked.

“Ah... well...” Taya stammered. “Yes, I do in fact. It’s written and saved on my phone. But first I would like to describe to you what my play will be about.”

“Oh. Well, go ahead then, Taya!” Kyo encouraged.

“Well...” Taya began to speak. “It’s... a bittersweet story about a child who felt alone in the world, so she builds a mechanical doll to have as a friend. Though eventually, the child has to depart to ‘a world beyond ours,’ and leave her friend behind. The doll is left behind in this world all alone to age and weather. But then, by a magical twist of fate, the doll comes to life and is able to move. It eventually learns to speak, and sets out on an adventure, meeting people in the world it was discarded in. The doll helps out many people with its magical power. But one day, the doll eventually breaks, and is unable to contain the spirit within it. The doll’s spirit is then able to go to the ‘world beyond ours,’ and reunite with its beloved owner who created it... So yeah. That’s the gist of it... I... I hope it isn’t too boring or anything...”

There were a few seconds of silence, probably due to awe. I certainly was in awe-induced silence. So this was the story that Taya held so close to his heart. I suddenly felt like I understood what was in his heart a lot better. 

It was a really poignant and heartfelt story I thought, yet interesting and thought-provoking. I felt that a play adaption of his story had the potential to be very immersive and fantastic.

The first response was heard.

“Did... you come up with that by yourself, Taya?” Dex asked.

“Huh? Uh... y-yes.” Taya answered.

“That’s incredible...” Dex said. “I think it’ll be perfect for us as a group! What does everyone else think?”

“I think it’s great!” Nigaito said. “It’s really touching!”

“That’s so beautiful!” Daina said.

“It feels so otherworldly in a sense.” Lapis said, feeling fired-up. “I love fantasy, this will be great! What do you think, Merli?”

“...Ugh. I’ll admit it.” Merli said. “It’s better than Cinderella. It’s better than a lot of stuff, actually.”

“So is everyone in agreement?” Lapis asked.

“Yes!” Everyone responded in unison.

“Ah!! Thank you!” Taya was bursting with gratitude. “Thank you so much... I feel so honored... this is my dream... my dream had always been to perform this play with a group of people... and now it’s coming true...”

“Aww, that’s so nice!” Lapis gave Taya a hug. A few other members joined in on the hug as well.

The group began to discuss who gets each role, and who will be in charge of other things.

“So in this play, there are twelve characters.” Taya said. “There is the doll, the little girl who built the doll, and ten people the doll helps out during their journey. Out of the ten people, there is a little girl, a little boy, two middle-aged men who are life partners, two young women in a relationship, an elderly man and woman who are a couple, a middle-aged lady, and a young non-binary person around our age who becomes good friends with the doll.”

“Hmm... I think that Taya should play the doll.” Lapis said. “He practically earned the role.”

“Wait... what!?” Taya grew shocked. “Me? But I don’t have any experience. I’m a total amateur!”

“Yeah!” Lapis said. “I mean... the doll... is you right? I read your script. The doll wears elegant clothes, and seems to have a non-binary gender identity. They also help out everyone they meet. I feel like that description describes you perfectly. Also... you’re the one who wrote this play. It’s from your heart, Taya. You would know how to act this character better than anyone here. So I think you earned this role.”

“But I... I’ve never acted on a stage in my life.” Taya said. “It’s all so new to me. I’m not confident in the slightest, unlike any of you...”

“You’ll learn with experience!” Gumi said. “Plus, I’m actually a really shy person too. But I love theatre.”

Taya eventually felt a lot more hopeful about this.

“I think Uta should play the person who becomes friends with the doll.” Lapis said.

“But why?” I said.

“Because you’re Taya’s best friend, right? I feel that that will inevitably come through in your acting!”

“But... I’m not... interested in theatre... you’ve got this all wrong.” I said.

“Uta, it doesn’t seem that way to me.” Lapis said. “You looked so impressed with Taya’s story... and eager to help him reach his dreams. Well, I can’t speak for you. But I want you to think about doing the role at least. I feel like deep down inside, you really do love theatre.”

Somehow... I somehow had a feeling Lapis could be right.

———

The roles had been assigned. In the meantime, I agreed to do the role of The Doll’s best friend, thinking it could be a good experience in life, growth, skill, and relationship with my peers.

Taya- The Doll  
Uta- The Doll’s best friend  
Lapis- The little girl who built the doll

Ruby- Young woman 1  
Gumi- Young woman 2  
Nigaito- The little boy  
Qingxian- The other little girl  
Bruno- Middle-aged man 1  
Dex- Middle-aged man 2  
Merli- The middle-aged lady  
Daina- The elderly lady  
Kyo- The elderly man

Next, we were thinking about giving these characters names, as Taya felt he wasn’t good with names and didn’t come up with names for any of his roles.

With a play now determined as our project, we would soon be busy getting started and being hard at work on our goal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The play that Taya came up with was very loosely inspired by Nagisa’s play in Clannad, and majorly inspired by the Vocaloid song “Dolls” by Rozenkruez-P feat. Kagamine Rin.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Please do not skip the notes at the end of the chapter. I have important things to say there.**
> 
> Things get a bit emotional ahead. It’s a bit of a mess honestly.
> 
>  **TW: Depression talk + References to self-harm.** However, no characters actually self-harm in the story. **One tiny mention of suicide,** however nothing of the sort is described in detail or happens.

Uta’s Point of View

I woke up feeling quite refreshed. The weekend was finally here! It was Saturday, and I actually felt rested for the first time in a while.

I checked on Taya and realized he was still asleep, looking quite peaceful. It was rather reassuring to know I was living with a fellow fan of sleeping in.

I hung out for a while and watched a few videos on YouTube. Just as I began being sucked into the Weird Side of YouTube, Taya woke up.

“Hey Uta.” He said. “I’m going to go grocery shopping for some strawberries and other things we don’t have, alright?”

“Okay!” I said. It was quite funny. Taya woke up in a suit and tie every morning. He actually looked as if he was ready to go somewhere fancy from the minute he woke up.

“But first, I need to change out of my pajamas, of course.” Taya mentioned.

I almost choked on my water out of laughter. That suit and tie were his pajamas? Oh Taya... never change.

———

Minutes after Taya left the room, I heard a knock on the door. I assumed Taya had forgotten his shopping list at first. I opened it, and a massively tall figure was looming over me. Definitely not Taya. It startled me at first! But it was just Ruko, the gentle giant.

“Hey, Uta! What’s up!” She smiled at me! “Is now a good time? I told you I was gonna drop by. I brought Ritsu and Momo too!”

“Oh!” I said. “Well, Taya is out shopping right now.” I said. “So I guess we can hang out while we wait for him to get back.”

“Alright.” Ritsu said.

“So, what have you guys been up to lately?” Momo asked me, taking a seat on the couch.

“Oh, so we’re going to perform a play in theatre club. Everyone agreed on it, and it’s something that Taya wrote himself! It’s a really, really good story too. I was really impressed.”

I ended up telling them about the story Taya wrote.

“That does sound really interesting!” Ruko said.

“Taya has a really vivid imagination.” Ritsu said.

“Aw, that’s such a wonderful story!” Momo said. “I can’t wait to see you guys perform it!”

We ended up chatting a bit more.

“Ruko, where’s Clara?” I asked.

“Oh, she had errands to do.” Ruko said. “Clara has a LOT of friends, and close relatives. And I can totally see why. She has a very agreeable personality. But having all those relationships must be so busy!”

“I could imagine!” I said.

The four of us ended up playing Two Truths and One Lie together.

I learned that Ruko’s favorite animal was whale sharks, and that she could quote the entire Band Geeks episode of SpongeBob.

I learned that Ritsu started growing out his long hair in the 10th grade, and was colorblind when it came to differentiating blue and purple. He knew my hair was purple however, through overhearing people describe my appearance. He also correctly assumed Taya’s hair was blue. He said he just felt Taya seemed like a person with a blue aura.

I learned that Momo loves peaches but hates nectarines, and that her favorite Pokémon was Wigglytuff.

My truths were that my hair was actually long until 7th grade, and that I hated the taste of bell peppers.

We hung out for quite a while. There was no sign of Taya. Eventually, it was time for the guests to leave.

“I’m sorry that he didn’t show up.” I said. “I wonder what took him so long.”

“It’s okay, we’ll see him next time.” Ruko said.

“Okay.” I said, smiling.

“See ya.” They all said as they left the room.

“Okay, bye!” I sent them off.

I realized that I didn’t have Taya’s cell phone number, so I couldn’t call or text him asking why he was taking so long. We were always in close proximity until now, so I felt no need to have his number.

I grew a bit worried.

About twenty minutes later though, I heard a knock on the door. 

“I’m back!” I heard his voice.

“Alright!” I answered.

I assumed Taya’s hands were full, so I opened the door for him.

Taya came in holding several grocery bags, and... a violin case?

“Uta, guess what?” He said to me, an excited smile on his face.

Taya put down the grocery bags and presented the violin case to me.

“Surprise!” He said, giving it to me.

“Um... what’s this?” I asked him legitimately.

“Haha, don’t be silly, Uta.” Taya said. “I got you a new violin!”

What?

I immediately felt as if he shouldn’t have.

“Oh.” I said awkwardly. “But... why? What’s the occasion?” 

“Oh! Well, while I was at the grocery store, they were doing a raffle, so I participated! And I won 300$! I decided there was really nothing I needed, so I decided to get you a gift! So come on, open it up...”

Taya looked at me with a face filled with anticipation. I opened up the violin case. A shiny, brand-new purple violin fit perfectly within the case. Carved into the dyed purple wood was the kanji in my last name, meaning song, “唄”.

Wait... he spent all his money on this for me?

“I got it commissioned just for you!” Taya said. “It took an hour and a half to fix, and that’s why I got back here so late. But it was worth the wait, right?”

I was utterly speechless. Taya did this all for me? But... why? Did he think it would make me happy?

I realized it was the thought that counted, but... I couldn’t help but think that Taya was being a bit too selfless.

“Um... Taya?” I started saying.

“Yes?” He answered.

“Thank you... it’s a very meaningful gift.” I said. “But... you shouldn’t have. You really should have used the money on yourself.”

Taya’s mood instantly fell.

“Ah, no...” I decided to pick myself up. But it was too late. I didn’t mean to reject the gift so harshly, more like to let Taya know to think for himself sometimes.

“...Why?” Taya asked sadly. “Why are you being like this? You look gloomy a lot... and Ruko said she noticed it too, so... I-I thought I would do something to make you truly happy. So tell me. Why don’t you want to be happy, Uta?”

Taya spoke in a legitimately worried tone. The look on his face was despondent. I thought I even saw tears in his eyes...

“Well, you see, Taya...”

I began saying something I ended up regretting instantly.

“I... lost my passion for music a long time ago. I... I actually suffer from depression.”

“...Depression?” Taya uttered, in a soft, broken voice.

“Yeah...” I said, starting to sound a bit awkward. “It’s not like I can control it. I... I try to be happy. I want to be happy! But... it’s just difficult sometimes.”

“Oh. I’m... sorry...” Taya said. He suddenly began to choke up. His next words came out with a sob. “I’m SO sorry...”

Oh no...

“W-Wait, don’t cry!” I said. I felt so awful now. I didn’t know I would distress him so much.

“I’m sorry!” Taya buried his face in his hands and continued to sob. “I didn’t know... I’m so sorry...”

“Taya, it’s okay.” I said. I began to feel really uneasy and guilty that he was suddenly full-on sobbing in front of me, and I was the cause of it... “Don’t apologize, please. Nothing is your fault.”

“O-Okay but... please... please don’t hurt yourself, Uta.” Taya started begging me, trembling with emotion. “Uta... you may not realize this about yourself but... y-you... you are SO special...”

I went up to Taya and gave him a hug. He may have been reacting irrationally, but I could tell he needed one.

“I’m not going to hurt myself, Taya.” I said, rubbing his back. “I’m sorry if what I said scared you, or if I gave you that impression. But you shouldn’t jump to conclusions like that.”

“Oh... okay... but...”

“Taya, please. Calm down.” I told him, feeling unnerved. “Relax and take a deep breath.”

I heard him try to exhale and take in a long yet shaky breath.

“That’s it, relax.” I said. “Okay? I’m right here. I’m not going to hurt myself. Everything’s going to be okay.”

After Taya calmed down a bit, I decided to help him rationalize the situation a bit more.

“I appreciate that you were worried about me...” I started saying to him. “But I’m not in any danger, okay? You really didn’t have to react like you did.”

I was now a bit afraid to disclose more of the details about my symptoms. Sometimes I even did get urges. To harm, I mean. But they always went away. I felt empty inside a lot. I felt worthless a lot...

But now I was afraid to tell Taya all that, at the risk of starting up his emotional reactions again.

One thing I noticed about Taya was that he didn’t just seem like he was crying out of sadness or sympathy, but I sensed real panic in his words and actions as well. Was he assuming the worst? Did he break down because he thought I would end up committing suicide?

I suddenly began to consider that was possibly why Taya reacted so intensely.

“I’m really sorry.” Taya apologized. “I’m sorry I overreacted... I was just really scared that you actually were in danger...”

“Well... I don’t you think you ‘overreacted’ as much as blew things out of proportion a bit...” I said. “To make you feel better, I haven’t had any plans to go through with... doing it. So please don’t worry.”

“Okay...” Taya sighed. “I’m so relieved...”

Tears began pooling in Taya’s eyes again. Another crying spell. Once again, I was at a loss of what to do.

“Deep breaths.” I said. He started breathing like I told him. In a few minutes, he calmed back down.

———

That evening, however, as much as I wanted to say things were cleared and patched up between us, things still felt quite awkward. The atmosphere between us just didn’t feel the same.

First of all, there was still the violin between us. None of us spoke of it again for the rest of the day. The case was closed again with the violin inside, and was stood against the wall, not being touched by either one of us.

Taya didn’t cook us a dinner that night. It simply didn’t feel like he was himself.

We both just filled up on the instant ramen that Taya restocked for us when he went to the grocery store earlier.

The next time Taya and I even spoke to each other the rest of the entire day was to say “Good night.”

“Oh. Good night.” He said back after I said it to him. He didn’t seem to have the usual cheerful tone in his voice.

I felt for the first time, that I had messed up. Neither of us were taking this well, it seemed. But I didn’t know what to say, or what to do. It almost felt like we were fighting... but out of concern of each other.

When I got to my bedroom, I was finally alone in the dark, alone with my emotions, a strange sensation fell upon me. I wanted to cry. But no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t let it out. Depression had numbed me. I had been unable to cry for years. In a way, I envied Taya a bit.

I wondered how Taya was doing in his bedroom right now. I hoped he was okay. I hoped he wasn’t crying. Not anymore. I didn’t want him to cry anymore. Seeing him like that actually broke my heart.

Yet still... No matter how heavy my heart, the tears still wouldn’t come to my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter here may be a bit divisive. I apologize. The tone of the story suddenly may have changed and gotten more dramatic as well. I understand that there may be... mixed feelings about this one.
> 
> First of all, there’s the chapter’s very nature as a “wham chapter”. This was a bit unintentional. I didn’t mean to drop the anvil so hard, but I guess I did anyway. I did reference Uta’s “loss of passion” throughout the story before, so that her being depressed wouldn’t seem so far-fetched in hindsight.
> 
> Second of all, Taya’s sobbing and assuming Uta will harm herself upon learning she has depression. Before I posted this here, while this chapter as still in planning, I got rather mixed opinions from friends about the way Taya reacted to finding about Uta’s depression. Some said that his reaction was much too extreme and not a very good way to react to the situation. Those opinions were unexpected to be honest, because I actually never considered that. Others said that Taya is a human, with human flaws and feelings, and that his reaction was simply a human thing.
> 
> I ended up agreeing with those who said his reaction was a bit extreme. However, I didn’t change the way Taya reacted, as I felt it was something that emphasized his real character flaws and nature of his personality. Rather I ended up changing the way Uta responded to Taya’s reaction.
> 
> Originally, Uta was just going to comfort Taya for the sake of some cheap romantic feels and that was going to be it. But now with the added perspective, I see this a learning experience that Taya (and potentially even Uta) could develop and grow from. I decided to go in this direction. Uta and Taya are meant to be imperfect. That’s what makes them human. That’s what makes their eventual character development meaningful.
> 
> Then that brings up the third divisive thing about this chapter. As I was writing it, I was wondering if I unintentionally made Uta come off as too cold or a jerk. After all, Taya couldn’t control his own reaction.
> 
> Also because of the feedback I got, I no longer see this situation as something to romanticize. I do suffer from depression myself, and the reason I initially presented this in a romanticized context was for self-indulgent reasons. But I now have realized that may be a disrespectful portrayal of the suffering caused by depression, whether I personally have it or not.
> 
> I also realized a bit too late that I may have used depression as a plot device...
> 
> One more thing by the way. In case you haven’t realized, Taya’s reaction was also because he just doesn’t know much about depression aside from “self-harm” and “suicide,” therefore the moment he heard Uta say that word, a reaction of fear went off in his head. But then at the same time, it is pretty heavily implied that Taya does have an undiagnosed mental illness of his own without him realizing it. He thinks of himself as a burden, has extremely low self-esteem, and has a tendency to think irrationally out of concern. Perhaps his breakdown might be his first step to realizing this and getting the help he needs.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger warning: Minor character death in flashback due to an automobile accident.**
> 
> Toune Saya (Saya Toune) is a fan-character (or original derivative?) I created based on Soune Taya. Her name stems from a mispronunciation of “Soune Taya” that I found myself doing a lot.
> 
> Toune Saya is written 透音サヤ. Her surname means “translucent sound” and her first name is just in katakana the way Taya’s is.
> 
> Saya Toune has medium-length (a bit shorter than Taya’s hair), somewhat wavy periwinkle hair in a ponytail, which she wears on the opposite side than Taya wears his. Saya’s eyes are around the same hue, yet a darker shade than her hair. Her eyes are a deep cobalt color.
> 
> Saya has a charming, charismatic personality. She can be a bit capricious, though. It differs from Taya’s soft-spoken, courteous personality, in which he can at times be a bit too humble.
> 
> Toune Saya is trans-feminine in my mind, just like how Soune Taya is trans-masculine. I will make note of this in many of my stories but, honestly, if for whatever reason anyone else wants to write about Saya (which I doubt anyone would,) you don’t have to share the same headcanon for her.
> 
> However, I do realize that in this particular story, there is no mention of Saya being trans. This is for a reason I will explain in the end notes.
> 
> Saya’s voice, in my headcanon, is Soune Taya’s voice in UTAU with the gender flag lowered (to produce a more feminine sounding quality to the voice.) There are some covers on YouTube using Soune Taya that use a quite feminine voice from him, altered by the gender flag. Notable ones I can think of are a Chaosmaid cover, and a Meltdown cover. There is also a Magnet cover that features a “feminine” Taya and a “masculine” Taya. Since the altered voice is too different for me to register it as Soune Taya’s, I pretend that is the voice of “Toune Saya.”
> 
> As an adult (or older teen), Saya’s fashion sense is comprised of elegant and formal dresses, often Victorian-styled, but often stylized to be shorter, often only reaching the knee or right past. During formal occasions, Saya does wear full-length Victorian dresses. Saya also wears an eyepatch in her “official” design, with a turquoise rose printed on it. She wears it on the opposite eye than which Taya wears his monocle. At their fully-grown heights, Saya is three inches taller than Taya.
> 
> This chapter, however, will only feature Saya as a child and early adolescent.

Taya’s Point of View

I had calmed down a bit. However, I could feel that the atmosphere between me and Uta was a bit off. Evening fell, and then night. Neither of us spoke to each other for the rest of the PM hours.

I had fully and truly believed that I messed up. I had upset Uta. She wasn’t talking to me after all, so I had every reason to believe she didn’t want to.

The violin was still between us. Neither of us spoke of it again. It simply became an accessory on the wall. Uta didn’t even touch it ever since she closed the case back up, let alone even acknowledge it.

The next time Uta even spoke to me the rest of the entire day was to say “Good night.”

“Oh. Good night.” I said back. It felt like such a hollow interaction.

When I got to my bedroom, I was finally alone in the dark, alone with my emotions, and they just burst out. Everything I had been holding in. They had accumulated much more than I had realized.

Uta was depressed. I overreacted in front of her. She rejected my gift. We drifted so far apart within one day. Now she didn’t like me anymore, and it was all because of me!

I collapsed onto the bed and began to sob all over again. I buried my face in my pillow so nobody could hear me through the walls.

My head began to flood with thoughts and memories... memories of her.

Memories of her... Painful memories of my friend... they felt so distant, yet the emotions from them were intense enough to pierce through my heart.

My friend... Saya...

When they weren’t painful, the memories would come in varying waves of nostalgia. We were like peanut butter and jelly.

And I’d never been complete again since that day she had to leave me.

We were two halves of a whole. Taya Soune and Saya Toune. Have you ever in your entire life seen two names that complimented each other better? The fact that we met by chance in the craziest middle school on the East Coast made our lives such an adventure.

Back in sixth grade, I didn’t discover my gender identity yet. I still identified as a girl. I didn’t start dressing like a gentleman yet, though I still had quite the budding fascination with posh menswear at the time.

Anyway, the first part of sixth grade was when I met Saya.

———

During class, we had to introduce ourselves to the person sitting in the desk next to yours. I was pretty shy back then too, but the girl I would end up speaking with would become my best friend for the rest of middle school.

“Hey. What’s up?” She said. I immediately noticed her bright smile. “My name is Saya Toune.”

“Huh? No way!” I answered. “You’re kidding, right? Because my name is Taya Soune!”

“What!? You’ve gotta be joking!” She said back. “That’s insane!”

“I’ll show you my birth certificate if you don’t believe me.” I said. This made Saya burst out laughing. It was a wonderful feeling. I started laughing as well.

From that moment on, Saya and I were always together. And wherever we were, laughter was sure to be following us behind. I found myself smiling a lot more after I met her.

Life with Saya was nothing short of an adventure. Unlike me, who was shy, timid, and obedient, Saya was loud, outgoing, eccentric, and bold. She was the wonder and curiosity that would lead a child around by the hand and get them into all sorts of antics and trouble. Saya loved reading books and always had amazing and imaginative ways to make the most mundane things about life exciting and filled with joy. She was an incredibly witty and creative spirit.

We had all sorts of inside jokes together. One summer day I tripped over a mushroom while taking a walk in the park with her. That memory became one of our favorite inside jokes. Another one we had involved when Microsoft Word wanted to correct our last names to “Sound” and “Tone.” We felt from then on that we were truly a musical pair of friends!

Without Saya pushing me out there to do things I never would’ve otherwise done, such as audition for the choir in 7th grade, or go down that giant water slide at the water park with her, or go to her Halloween party where we were dressed in matching witch costumes, I wouldn’t have had any of the fun and amazing memories I treasured so dearly today.

Saya loved Halloween. She would throw the greatest costume parties on Halloween night. Saya loved witches. She wanted to be a witch, but a friendly and cool one. She told me if she were a witch, she would cast spells to help people out, or simply just to transform the school lunch into a gourmet meal, or to make teachers assign video games for homework!

Saya didn’t have many other friends, however. Everyone thought her behaviors were strange, and that she was “annoying” and “hyperactive”. Saya sometimes had difficulties with social interactions and didn’t know how to have conversations that went smoothly. Despite this, Saya kept such an optimistic view on life. I got along with her very well, partly because I was in the same boat as her. We always were there for each other, through thick and thin.

We would have sleepovers at my house. Sometimes they were at Saya’s. They were magical. We would stay up all night laughing and chatting endlessly, or making up fun stories and getting lost in our imaginations. Since we both were only children without any brothers or sisters of our own, it felt as if we were a pair of found siblings.

Saya was who motivated me to start taking music lessons. She said it would give me confidence and a goal to work towards. She had taken viola and voice lessons since 4th grade, and said that it had worked for her. I began to take up cello and voice lessons in 6th grade. I soon began to realize how much I could lose myself in playing the cello, and how much confidence and joy singing gave me.

I would’ve been lost without music. I would’ve been lost if not for Saya.

Without her, perhaps I may not have been the person I am today.

———

Around the second half of eighth grade, however, things began to change a bit.

First of all, my gender identity changed... Or rather, I discovered that I wasn’t a girl. I kept it a secret from my parents at first. But what would happen when it would be time for me to start taking hormone therapy? Before I knew it, things started to become a bit stressful...

But that was nothing compared to what was eventually in store for Saya and I.

Soon enough, I noticed that when I talked to Saya, she seemed... different. She felt more serious. She no longer had, in spades, her wondrous naivety and whimsical spirit that I had been so accompanied with for the past two and a half years. I took it as her maturing a bit and growing up. We were going to be in high school in some months, after all. Still, I was going to miss the old Saya a lot.

But things went on like this. Saya not only talked to me less about the stuff she usually talked about, she talked to me less in general. I felt something was a bit wrong at this point. Usually Saya would open up to me and tell me about her troubles. But this time, nothing would spill from her. 

Eventually, we began to drift apart. It was the hardest thing I felt I ever did. But she just didn’t want to talk to me anymore, it seemed. Saya Toune wasn’t the same person anymore. And I had no idea why. What was going on? It hurt so much. 

I wanted Saya back.

One day, I caught Saya crying in gym class. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me to mind my own business. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was so dejected about the loss of our friendship, and now I had to see her crying too on top of it all? And I couldn’t even learn why, or even help her? I started crying too. I told her all my feelings and that I wanted to hug her, that I needed her, and that I wanted her back. But Saya just said I wouldn’t understand and walked off towards the counselor’s office.

A counselor? Wasn’t that like therapy? For the students that needed therapists? Was Saya... depressed? Was she going through a bad patch in her life? Is that why she wasn’t talking to me?

I couldn’t help it anymore. I felt so bad. I wanted to let Saya know she could talk to me, and that I wanted to help her. But I didn’t know how. Every attempt ended with her walking away.

But one day...

“Hey, Taya?” Saya called out to me one day. I turned around and looked at her. At her. There was Saya, talking to me.

She looked like a different person without her smile.

“Saya?” I asked. “Um... hello.” I said.

“Taya, can I talk to you?” She said. “It’s about... our friendship.”

Saya immediately started choking up. Tears began to fill her eyes as she spoke. I couldn’t stand the sight of her crying and tears began welling up in my own eyes.

“Taya, I...” Saya started saying. “I’m sorry... I’m sorry I’ve been such a bad friend. But... the truth is. I have depression. I was afraid you wouldn’t understand, so I avoided you... I’m sorry...”

“Saya... it’s okay...” I couldn’t say anymore until I started crying as well.

“Taya, don’t cry.” Saya said. “Now you’re just making m-me feel bad. I just... I want everyone to be happy, but it’s so hard when I’m depressed... but... I just want you to know, we will always be best friends. Deal?”

“Deal...” I answered back, smiling shakily through my tears. Then the school bell rang and we had to go our separate ways. She sent me off with one last teary smile. I quickly wiped the tears from my own face and hurried to my next class.

That ended up being the last time I ever spoke to Saya.

———

Late that evening, I got a phone call. From Saya’s father.

It was about Saya.

She and her mother were driving home from her therapy session when they got into a car accident. Saya’s mother sustained minor injuries. 

Saya, however... was in critical condition and was being rushed to the emergency room in an ambulance.

My heart burst open. While sobbing, I went into my mother’s car and we drove right to the emergency room to be there for Saya. The entire way felt like a blur. I only remember being in so much panic, I was barely able to breathe.

As soon as I got there... I saw Saya’s mom and dad crying. They weren’t just crying. They had looked as if their world had ended. I immediately knew from the atmosphere in the room the outcome that had happened, without anyone having to tell me. Yet I refused to believe in it.

“Saya...” I muttered. “Oh Saya... please...”

“I’m sorry.” The doctor said to my mother. “I’m afraid your child’s friend unfortunately did not make it.”

No...

No!

It can’t be...!

Saya...

Saya!

Every single bit of stress, sorrow, anxiety, grief, and fear that I had been holding in the whole time came out at once. I collapsed onto the floor and exploded. Anger, depression, regret, despair... it all came pouring out.

———

For the following years, my heart was empty, yet my mind was filled with sorrow. After the loss of my friend, my other half, my true companion, I was now on my own. High school started shortly after and I didn’t manage to make any other friends. I was transitioning during that time as a trans-masculine person as well, which added more stress and probably made people more hesitant to talk to me as well. I started having to go to the counselor’s office often due to breakdowns I’d have in class. 

I felt the most guilty about Saya’s death. Why couldn’t I have tried harder and noticed she was depressed earlier? Maybe then, her final few months could’ve been a much happier time. And then maybe she wouldn’t have needed therapy, and she wouldn’t have been in the car going home from it, and have gotten in that accident...

Why did Saya’s last few months of life have to be so sad? It hurts so much to remember... when she cried. Saya hardly ever cried, unless she was truly hurt. Her depression must’ve been painful. It must’ve hurt a lot. I couldn’t even imagine the silent pain she must’ve been suffering.

The saddest times I can remember from my life were when Saya used to cry a lot. And when she wouldn’t talk or disclose to me why she was sad. And when she passed away, and when I cried endlessly, wishing I could’ve traveled back in time and started all over again with her.

Because Saya Toune and Taya Soune are two halves of a whole. Without one, the other cannot be complete.

And that was why. Why I had such an intense reaction to Uta’s confession, I mean.

When Uta dropped the word depression, I felt like I was back in the 8th grade again. Back when Saya was suffering so much and I felt so helpless. I couldn’t keep my composure. Now that I’m in rational thought, I know that is why I freaked out so badly.

I’d been contemplating before when it would be a good time to tell Uta about Saya. I didn’t like telling people about her that much if I didn’t have to. I would always start crying whenever I did, and things would get real depressing real fast. But now I feel like I have to tell Uta if I want to patch things up. And I’m going to have to eventually, if we’re going to know everything about each other one day. Might as well start now.

Before I realized it, I must have cried myself to sleep. I ended up waking back up at 3:00 AM with a headache, feeling drained. I took in a sigh and a deep breath. I went to get a drink of water before sitting back at my bedside.

No matter how icky and tiring it felt, I always noticed that there was usually a feeling of serene afterglow that occured after a nice long cry. My mind was now fairly content and filled with warm thoughts. Some were still about Saya, but they no longer were making me teary-eyed.

I was smiling.

I took another deep breath and drifted off to a more pleasant sleep for now. I would have to face some music in the morning, but for now, please let me go to a peaceful land of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **UPDATE October 21 2020:** So now you know why I added the lyrics to “From Y to Y” in chapter 2? It really fits Taya’s feelings about losing Saya.
> 
> You know, I still don’t know why the song is called “From Y to Y”... but I just thought of a personal interpretation... “From Taya to Saya.” Haha... Excuse me as I cry.
> 
> Also I changed Saya’s design a bit because I realized she looked a bit like an existing UTAU, Sayu Yurika. Things could’ve gotten confusing.
> 
> ———
> 
> So this chapter’s backstory actually wasn’t in long-term planning. It actually came from a sleep-deprived idea I had on a whim recently.
> 
> What if the reason Taya is the way he is, the way he acts the way he does, and the way he reacted the way he did to Uta’s words, was because he has trauma? What if he already lost a dear friend?
> 
> This is incredibly heavy, sad, and out of left-field potentially, so I was debating it. This fanfic started out as a fluffy comedy with mild emotional moments, and now it’s something of a an angsty tearjerker. And everything clashes. There’s incredibly cheesy and silly moments, and then there’s... this angst.
> 
> Okay, so. The reason I didn’t characterize Saya as trans in this story was because she dies. I didn’t want to risk writing something unintentionally uncomfortable and continue the trope of LGBT+ people dying in media, especially writing the death of a trans person when I am cis myself.
> 
> More about the character, Toune Saya (透音サヤ) is that she was originally meant to be “an alternate iteration of Taya from another dimension who instead of trans-masculine, is trans-feminine, among other differences.”
> 
> I decided to scrap that concept, not only because Taya being trans-masculine is only my personal headcanon (it was still one of the reasons,) but because I grew attached to Blue Song’s Saya a lot, and how two random people with very similar names end up becoming best friends by chance. It must have felt almost like finding a soulmate.
> 
> Oh and also, Saya Toune is planned on being a character featured in other Vocaloid, UTAU, and crossover stories of mine as well! Including the Whimsica stories!
> 
> And no, she won’t be “the dead friend” in those!


	8. Chapter 8

Taya’s Point of View

I awakened slowly to the sound of large blue droplets pelting the window and roof of the dorm building.

Steady September rain.

I sighed and stretched. Today may have been Sunday, but there was no sun to be seen during this day.

My eyes were probably still red and puffy from crying. I didn’t even want to look in the mirror. I probably looked like quite a disaster. I noticed it was 12:40 PM. Thank goodness it was Sunday, but I needed to get up. I walked towards the bathroom and doused my face in refreshing cold water.

I combed my hair, brushed my teeth, and got ready for the day.

I didn’t want to come out of my room, but I needed to. I needed to face the music. Even if the music was going to be a tearjerking lament.

I cracked open the door to the living room and saw Uta playing a game on her phone, looking kind of bored.

“Umm... hey.” I said quietly, opening the door all the way.

“Hey.” Uta said.

“Um... I think I’ll go over to the cafe for breakfast today.” I said.

Of course, I was just going to run away! Why couldn’t I talk with Uta and tell her? Why couldn’t I attempt to patch things up?

Why was I such a coward?

“All right.” Uta said. “Suit yourself.”

“Ok. Um, see ya.” I waved goodbye to Uta and headed on my way.

———

At the cafe, sitting alone at a table, two annoying, shouting little kids over at the next table wouldn’t stop loudly arguing over whether “gray” (or “grey”?) was spelled with an a or an e. This was a college campus. I guess kids were allowed to eat here too, but it sure was distracting...

A waiter came to take my order. I ordered berry pancakes from a menu.

When my order came, it was a delicious sight, almost enough to bring me back my spirit! There were tons of strawberries atop the fluffy pancakes! And... blueberries...

Blueberries... Saya loved blueberries. She might’ve even loved them more than I loved strawberries.

My mind was immediately taken back to the time we went berry picking on a berry farm together. There were upon rows of strawberry plants and blueberry bushes in one place. Saya declared that it was “A section just for Taya and I.” Saya found a blueberry the size of a ping-pong ball, and I found a strawberry shaped like Hello Kitty’s face! We ate so many blue and red berries that our tongues turned purple!

This pancake was covered in strawberries... and blueberries.

Saya and I...

The memory began to fade away, leaving only reality back on my palette. As the waiter left the plate at my table and walked away, I was left feeling melancholy all over again. With a sigh, I took a fork to the pancakes and began to eat slowly... but the flavor just wouldn’t register in my mind. I’m sure they were delicious, but... too many other things were keeping my mind from letting me taste them.

I had intense periods of missing Saya like this sometimes. I was never fully able to truly let go. Sometimes they would hit me like a truck. Other times they would sweep over me like a wave and begin to drown me slowly.

Before I knew it, my vision was blurring up with tears again. I discreetly wiped them away with the sleeve of my coat and tried to keep eating. Ah... I realized I had forgotten all about the maple syrup. Silly me... Of course that’s why I wasn’t tasting a thing...

“Hey, Taya!” I heard a familiar voice as I was in the midst of dousing my pancakes in syrup. I looked up, and there was Ruko, with Ritsu trailing behind her.

“Oh, um... Ruko, Ritsu...” I put on my best fake smile and cheerful voice. “How are you two today?”

“We’re doing great!” Ruko cheered. “But where’s Uta? The last couple of times I saw you both, you’ve been apart. What gives?”

“Oh. Um...” I began to stammer. “Well...”

I couldn’t get much further into thinking of a fake excuse when I couldn’t keep back the sobs anymore. A tear slid off my face and onto my plate as I began trembling. I buried my face in my hands. I felt so ashamed. Now Ruko knew something was wrong and I was going to have to tell her.

“Taya, what’s the matter?” Ruko asked in a consoling tone. She approached me gently and began to take a seat in the chair across from me. Ritsu soon followed.

I shook my head and continued to cry softly. I just didn’t want to talk about it... Even though Ruko cared. She was a good friend, and so was Ritsu. But talking about it was so painful...

“Taya, it isn’t good to keep these things inside.” Ritsu said. He was quite stern at times, but I could tell he was truly well-meaning. “I know how difficult it can be to talk about your troubles, but it’ll make you feel better. And maybe we can help you.”

“Ritsu is right.” Ruko said. “We don’t want you to have to be alone, Taya. We’re here for you.”

“Okay...” I said. “Thank you both...”

Ruko and Ritsu both got out of their seats and gave me a quick hug.

After I calmed down, we headed towards a nearby park area where we’d be more alone. It had stopped raining, and was now just wet and overcast outside. That’s when I told them.

“So... I ended up winning prize money from a raffle.” I explained. “So I decided to do something for Uta to make her happy. I spent the money on a special violin commissioned for her, but... she rejected it and told me I should’ve used the money on myself... and w-when I asked her why, she said... she didn’t care much for music anymore because she has depression...”

“Oh...” Ruko said, in a downcast tone. “I’m... I’m very sorry to hear that. That’s definitely rough. Poor Uta... She’s such a sweet person, she definitely doesn’t deserve all that. I understand why you’d be upset.”

“But... that’s not all...” I continued. “When Uta told me that, I... overacted and started crying and begging her not to hurt herself. Uta had to calm me down and I could tell she was annoyed... and... since then, we haven’t spoken to each other. Also... the reason I felt so bad about that is because I... I... I couldn’t stand finding out that Uta was so sad!”

I began sobbing all over again. Ritsu wrapped his arms around me to console me.

“I... I already lost someone special...” I cried. “She was... my best friend. Her name was Saya. She had depression... She used to be so lively... but right before she died, she was so sad... I couldn’t stand seeing her that way. She was in the car, going home from therapy, when... she passed away in an accident... and since then, m-my heart has never been whole again...”

“Taya...” Ruko said. I looked up and noticed she was crying as well, wiping away tears.

“Taya, I’m... I’m so sorry.” She said. “I just... care about you and can’t stand seeing you like this. That must’ve hurt so much...”

Even stoic Ritsu was shedding a few reluctant tears.

We all hugged it out again. After sharing a good cry (luckily nobody came by our spot and noticed our trio of sobs), Ruko and Ritsu began giving me some advice.

“You didn’t tell Uta about Saya yet, did you?” Ruko asked me.

I shook my head to say no. I didn’t like telling people. I hated bringing down the mood, which was ironically all I had been doing all day so far. I felt so bad...

“Well, you should tell her.” Ruko said. “I know it may be hard, I’m sure she’d understand why you reacted that way if you did. And it’s important that she’d know. You wouldn’t want to have to keep such a big thing secret from her, right?”

“You’re right...” I said. “Thank you...”

“Taya.” Ritsu said. “And... just remember this. Saya wouldn’t want you to keep crying. She wants you to go on with a smile. But don’t forget about her either. Because she’ll never forget you.”

Ritsu gave me a reassuring smile, an expression that seldom broke his stoic face.

“Ritsu...” I said. Such poignant words had come from him. “Thank you so much, both of you.”

I bowed like I usually did. It was out of deep gratitude this time. I felt so thankful that I had Ruko and Ritsu to fall back on.

I quickly made my way back to the dorms to patch things up with Uta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Taya is such a broken faucet of tears in this chapter. And heads up, it won’t exactly be better in the next chapter either. But don’t blame him for crying. He’s just a human. We can’t all be in perfect control of our emotions.
> 
> But I like how things are progressing here. Taya and Uta are showing different sides, different feelings and emotions! And if my friends didn’t give me that feedback about how Taya reacted a bit intensely to Uta having depression and that I might need to change it, I never would’ve even thought of developing it into this, or even thinking about the backstory with Saya. So I thank my friends from the bottom of my heart for helping my shape my ideas.


	9. Chapter 9

Uta’s Point of View

Taya had left the room to go to breakfast at the cafe.

I should’ve asked if I could come along.

But somehow, the words just wouldn’t come out.

To be honest, it was really boring around here without him. All I had was my dumb phone and my computer and all these books I haven’t read. (And that’s because they looked boring.) And it had been boring since yesterday afternoon since we stopped talking to each other.

I didn’t mean for it to happen... I didn’t mean to be so harsh on Taya. But I feel like Taya ended up getting the impression that I didn’t want to talk to him. He seemed to be avoiding me now out of fear that I was going to reject him or simply just be annoyed at him...

But... if Taya were to just talk to me again, I wouldn’t mind in the slightest. I would be relieved if he did. I would be happy if he did. Things would be back to normal if he did.

Yet somehow, I felt too awkward to go out of my own way to talk to him.

I felt like I had quite a dilemma on my hands.

As soon as the game I was mindlessly tapping on my phone began feeling more like a chore than entertainment, I heard a knock on the door to my room.

“Yes?” I called out.

“It’s Momo!” I heard an answer. “I brought a friend!”

“Oh, um... okay!” I said. I was so bored, and needed to get my mind off things. Maybe inviting Momo in wouldn’t hurt. And maybe after Taya came back, having company over could make things feel less awkward between us...

I opened the door. Next to Momo, was a familiar face.

“Hey, it’s De Facto!” She said.

“Teto?” I called out. Since when was Momo also friends with Teto?

“Yay! This is De Facto’s dorm room!” Teto cheered.

“Um, excuse me? Does... ‘De Facto’ refer to me?” I asked.

“Well... it sounds kinda like your other nickname, Defoko, doesn’t it?” Teto said.

Momo was laughing at us.

“Ah, so I take it you two already know each other!” She said to us.

“Um, yeah.” I said.

After a minute of chatting, Taya’s whereabouts ended up being the topic of conversation.

“So, is Taya out grocery shopping again?” Momo asked.

“Who’s Taya?” Teto asked.

“Taya is Uta’s roommate.” Momo answered Teto.

“Oh... well, no, he’s not grocery shopping.” I said, answering Momo, badly hiding my despondency. “Taya is... well... We had a little disagreement.”

I ended up confessing. But I was feeling really distressed. I was kind of desperate for any sort of consolation at that point.

“Oh... I’m sorry.” Momo said. “What was it about, if you don’t mind me asking?”

I sighed.

“Well.” I said. “Taya is the kind of person who’s always thinking of others. And that isn’t a bad thing. But sometimes he forgets to think about himself, and well... he won some prize money and decided to blow it all off on me. He bought me a violin he had custom made just for me. I told him that he should’ve used it on himself, and well... we ended up arguing. Well, actually... he got really concerned about me. He asked me why I always looked so gloomy and I ended up telling him that... I have depression.”

“Oh.” Momo and Teto said softly.

“Yeah...” I said. I began to feel a bit awkward. I hated telling people. I hated speaking up about my depression. It always made things so awkward.

“I’m sorry.” Teto said. “I... I wish I had known sooner.”

“I’m here if you need to talk.” Momo said.

“It’s okay.” I said. “Thanks for your concern.”

“So... now did Taya react to that?” Momo asked.

“Well...” I said. “I don’t mean to make him look bad, but he began to blow things out of proportion a bit. He started crying, and begging me not to hurt myself. And I told him that he was overacting. But looking back, I realized that everything I did probably hurt his feelings. Taya is very sensitive. He was only crying because he was worried about me. And it’s not like he could control the way he reacted. He even got me a very thoughtful gift, which I rejected. But... ever since I spoke harshly to him, Taya’s been avoiding me. And now that I look back, I feel I can understand why.”

“Well... I feel the best solution would just to be apologize.” Momo said. “Apologize and listen to him, but don’t be afraid to articulate your side of the situation either. Maybe by having him understand your side, while also listening to his, you could not only make up, but be able to understand each other even better.” Momo said.

“I agree with Momo!” Teto said. “But the important part is, don’t be too assertive with your side of the situation either. It would end up making your apology seem like a not-apology, if that makes sense. Make sure to fully consider Taya’s feelings.”

I was pretty surprised by how maturely and heartfelt Teto was speaking in regards to giving me advice to my problems. Teto may be a goofball, but she definitely had layers.

“That’s some really good advice, both of you.” I said. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Momo and Teto said.

“Oh goodness, I think it’s time to get going...” Momo said, looking at the clock. “I’m sorry, but we both have bakery club after this. I’m sorry we couldn’t stay here longer.”

“Oh, it’s fine.” I said. “Thanks for the advice.”

“You’re welcome!” Teto and Momo said, leaving the room.

It was now once quiet in here again. Several minutes later, I heard the door open. It was Taya. I could tell immediately from his face that he’d been crying. My heart took a hit.

I took in a short breath. This was it. I needed to apologize...

I opened my mouth...

“Uta?”

Taya ended up saying my name first.

“...Taya.” I said back to him.

There was a few seconds of silence. We ended up saying it in unison.

“...I’m sorry.”

There was suddenly a gentle glow in the room. The sun had come out, and had begun to set.

“...Taya, um... I’m really sorry.” I said. “I was very harsh on you. You’re always thinking about others. You have such a huge heart, and that’s what I like about you. It’s rare to come across someone as caring as you. So, I just want to say thank you. For being here for me. And I’m sorry.”

“Uta... Thank you... But I... I have something I need to tell you.” Taya said. I heard his voice trembling as he spoke and I could tell it was something serious. My heart fell hearing his words.

“You can tell me anything.” I reassured him.

“Thanks.” Taya said. “Well... You see, I... couldn’t stand seeing you so sad... or knowing you had depression, because I... I already lost someone dear to me who had depression before.”

My heart took a hit. Taya lost someone precious to him? It hurt me to think about. But finally, a lot of things about the way he acted made sense.

Taya shook as he spoke.

“Taya, I...” I felt emotions welling up in me. I spoke softly. “Why didn’t you tell this to me earlier?”

“Because, I... every time I talk about her, I start crying...”

Tears began rolling down Taya’s face. He began wiping them away with his sleeve. It really hurt me to see him cry.

“Her name was Saya...” He continued. “She was my best friend in middle school... She was kind, funny, and a great friend... but everything changed when she became depressed. She became so sad... and cried a lot. It was so hard to watch her suffer. And one day she was going home from therapy and got in a car crash... and passed away... I miss her... I was never the same since then...”

Through his heart-wrenching story, I finally understood. I understood all the pain he had hidden deep in his heart, and how I must’ve brought it back on when I said I had depression.

I hugged Taya.

Emotion began to overtake me and my eyes began to fill with tears as well.

“Taya, it’s okay.” I said, holding back sobs. “Let it out now... I can tell you need a good cry. I won’t yell at you. It’s okay to cry. Just remember that it won’t last forever... and you will smile again, okay?”

“Uta... I’m sorry...” Taya hugged me back and began sobbing.

“It’s alright, I’m here...” I said. I began choking up as well. Tears spilled out of the corners of my eyes as I began sobbing along with Taya.

After we were finished crying, Taya and I laid completely drained on the floor and said, “Well... this is awkward.”

“Our faces are red and puffy.” Taya said.

“That performance surely earned us an Oscar.” I said.

“Too bad nobody was around to see it.” Taya said.

“Nah, maybe it’s a good thing nobody saw us.” I said.

That was when magic happened. Taya and I started laughing together. A real, genuine laugh from the bottoms of our hearts that brought us even closer together. A rainbow had come out after a long rainstorm. It was such a wonderful feeling.

Taya and I were back together. We got up from the floor and smiled at each other, puffy eyes and all.

“Taya?” I said. “Thanks for telling me this. I feel like I understand you better now.”

“I feel glad I told you as well.” Taya said. “I feel I’m no longer keeping a secret from you. And I feel like Saya would be happy too.”

I smiled.

“You know, Taya.” I said. “Saya will always be with you. Her impact shaped you as a person, so she lives on within you. Don’t let Saya’s spirit ever be forgotten.”

Taya smiled.

“Yeah. Um. I have tons of fond memories with Saya.” He said. “Her full name was Saya Toune. Isn’t that crazy? I’m Taya Soune and she’s Saya Toune! Also she loved blueberries as much as I love strawberries. We both were musicians. She played viola and sang. She’s the reason I pursue music today. Saya wanted to be a witch, but a friendly and cool one. When we had sleepovers, we would stay up all night writing stories or singing, but softly so we wouldn’t wake up the rest of the household...”

Taya was talking about Saya fondly, but he wasn’t crying. He had a true smile on his face.

I smiled just looking at him. I could tell that he and Saya must have been the best of friends.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but all that crying made me hungry.” Taya eventually said, a smile on his face. “Hold on, I’ll cook us a nice meal.”

My mouth was already watering at the thought of anything Taya would prepare.

“Okay!” I said, feeling more cheerful than ever. “And is there anything you think I could help with? If it doesn’t involve the oven or stove, of course.”

“Hm, oh! Since I have burgers in mind, how about you arrange and garnish them after I grill the patties?”

“Alright, sounds great!” I said.

With a harsh chapter in our friendship now over and behind us, Taya and I emerged even closer and as even more understanding friends than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. So sappy.


	10. Chapter 10

Uta’s Point of View

Monday again. Egh. On top of that, the gloomy September rain had come back.

At least the theatre club was going to have a meeting after school today. Taya was really looking forward to it, and so was I. We would finally start putting actual work and development towards bringing Taya’s script to life as a play production. 

I went through my school day as usual. It almost felt like a sense of normalcy to be back after such a heavy weekend.

I almost felt welcoming to the fact that my day would start with oddball Miki bothering me.

———

“So, I honestly think Defoko goes better with Tetra.” I overheard Miki said.

“No way! Defo-chan is defo cuter with Momoka!” Iroha said.

Hoo boy.

“So... what kind of situations are you putting ‘Defoko’ into this time?” I asked.

“Romance!” Miki declared.

I wasn’t even sitting in my seat, yet I fell.

“I think Defoko should end up with Tetra.” Miki said.

“No, she should be with Momoka!” Iroha said.

“Who are Tetra and Momoka?” I asked.

“Characters I made based on Teto and Momo!” Miki said.

This time, I fell off the face off the Earth. But only figuratively.

“Why.... why would you do that!?” I asked. “I’m not even romantically involved with either Teto or Momo!”

“But you can be, in our story! Nyaa!” Iroha squealed.

“Also, Defoko, Tetra, and Momoka aren’t REALLY you.” Miki said. “They’re just you-inspired!”

“Still...” I muttered. “That’s still awkward. You just... you just don’t do that.”

———

In second period, I was once again expecting Anon and Kanon to do something crazy. But it seemed like today they were just sitting there normally, just like every other student! 

I wondered what was wrong. It certainly wasn’t right. 

“Okay, now it’s time to present the rough drafts for the essays you have written.” The professor said. “Who will go first?”

“Oh! Me!” Kanon suddenly flailed her hand in the air. “ME ME ME ME! Let me go first!”

The professor sighed.

“Okay... if you insist.”

“Yippee!” Kanon sped up to the front of the room and put in her flash drive. All of a sudden, the computer started buffering and making strange noises.

Oh boy.

When everything was finally finished loading, Kanon’s essay was 9,101,392 pages long.

“Kanon... what is the meaning of this?” The professor yelled. “What is this madness?”

“It’s the entire Bee Movie script, but every time they say ‘bee’ it’s the entire Shrek script but every time they say ‘and’ it’s the lyrics to Snow Halation but every time the syllable ‘sa’ is written there is the script to all of the Hotel Mario cutscenes!” Kanon said.

All of a sudden, every single computer in the room began to malfunction and crash due to the overload of information.

“You... your insane shenanigans crashed the computer system!” The professor yelled at Kanon. “Get out! Right now!”

Kanon made an exaggerated shrug and dashed out of the room like a cartoon character.

“And you.” The professor said to Anon. “You are also warned.”

By the time the computers were started back up, the professor made Anon present her essay draft next as a punishment. As if it would be any better. As if he didn’t learn from Kanon’s. I honestly have no idea what his thought process was.

It turns out that Anon’s essay was just a single picture of Kid Cuisine chicken nuggets and the words “dashing chungus” in bold pink comic sans.

“I was too lazy to do anything more.” Anon shrugged.

“Do you want an F for the entire class?” The professor asked her.

“Depends on if it’s edible or not.” Anon said nonchalantly.

The professor shook his head and grumpily registered Anon and Kanon’s grades for their essay drafts, as well as their completed essays, as Fs.

———

In third period, Dex and Daina were discussing the possibilities of Taya’s play with me.

“Oh, about the play.” Dex said. “Can my character possibly have wolf ears? And can my character’s partner, who Bruno is playing, have on some super rad lynx ears?”

“Um...” I said. “You’re... going to have to consult Taya about that. He’s the one who created the story. Like, maybe he incorporated animal people in his world? But then again... maybe he didn’t.”

“Oh, I have an idea too!” Daina spoke with stars in her eyes. “Can the old lady I play be a sweet old fox-eared lady who lives in a cottage in the woods? And I want to modify the world so that she’s the grandmother of the girl who built the doll. And the reason the girl died was because of a bear attack. And Dex’s character tried to defend the girl from the bears, but to no avail.”

“Um...” I began to think. “Those are innovative ideas, I guess... But you’re going to have to consult Taya if you want to change around his story...”

“Oh!” Dex suddenly came up with another idea. “And the wolf-eared man I play... when there’s a new moon, he loses his wolf ears and tail. But when there’s a full moon, he becomes a monster wolf-man! And everyone mistakenly thinks he’s the one who killed the girl who built the doll, and that he’s the Big Bad Wolf. And the girl is Little Red Riding Hood! And the bears who killed her are actually the three bears from Goldilocks! And they mistook Little Red Riding Hood for Goldilocks and mauled her out of revenge!”

“Ooh, that’s a great idea, Dex!” Diana cheered.

“Hey, um... could you please stop now?” I asked them. “Now it isn’t even the same play anymore! It’s turning kinda dark. And weird. I’m pretty sure you’re getting these ideas from Dark Wolf Fang II: Crestfallen Despair Saga, aren’t you?”

———

“Hey De Facto!” Teto cried out to me. “How are things with Taya Papaya?”

“I’d appreciate if you dropped the nicknames.” I said. But I was smiling.

“Ooh, I see a smile!” Teto said. “Did things go well?”

“Yes, they did!” I said. “Well... It turns out that I learned a lot about Taya too.”

“Like what?” Teto asked.

I smiled sentimentally thinking back. The memory of Taya crying then hit me and I felt a bit melancholy. He couldn’t have totally gotten over it one-hundred percent last night, even if we did come to closure.

“Well... It turns out Taya cried because my depression reminded him of someone he lost...”

“Oh.” Teto said. “I’m so sorry. That’s really sad.”

“It’s... yeah.” I said. “He’s taking it the best he can now. He’s trying to keep happy about it. I’m trying to help him the best I can too. And he’s trying to help me.”

“That’s good.” Teto said. “That’s what friends should do.”

“Yeah.” I said.

———

Lunch break came, and Teto and I sat with Akurin. We ended up telling her about Taya and what happened between us.

“I’m sorry.” Akurin said. “But... Saya, she is happy now. She hasn’t forgotten about Taya, but she’s now in a peaceful place. She has wings now. She’s flying freely above us.”

“Akurin...” I said. “But didn’t you say before that you said the sky was lonely because humans can’t grow wings and can’t visit the sky?”

Akurin nodded slowly.

“Yes, but... I feel I have a changed perspective now. I now feel that the sky is no longer lonely. And Saya is not lonely as well. The sky... it’s actually filled with the souls and memories of people who have passed. That’s what makes it shine so beautifully...”

“That’s a nice way of looking at it.” I said.

“Indeed.”

———

“Uta, hey.” In fifth period, Ruko approached me with a serious expression. “Um... I have something I need to ask you. About Taya.”

“Sure.” I said.

“Um, yesterday he came to me crying and told me certain things. I take it that he told you as well afterwards. You know what I’m talking about, right?”

“Was it about Saya?” I asked.

“Yes.” Ruko said. “And about what happened between you two, and about patching things up. So, did things become right between you two again?”

“They did, don’t worry.” I said.

“Oh, thank goodness.” Ruko said. “I was so worried about the two of you. Ritsu felt really worried as well. He usually doesn’t show his emotions outwardly, but I could really tell. Anyway, I’m so glad you two resolved your problems. Give me a hug.”

I smiled and hugged Ruko. She gave a a very firm and tight, comforting hug. She was six feet and two inches of compassion. I could tell she really cared.

Clara came into the class a little bit late. Ruko greeted her. The moment Clara saw me smiling with my arm around Ruko’s shoulder, a smile burst on her face as well.

“Hello, Utah! I am so glad to see you and Ruko so happy!” She cheered.

I smiled back.

“Hey, um, Clara?” I asked her. “Do you have anymore pans for group karaoke anytime soon? The first one was really fun. I’d like to go again sometime!”

“Oh! Maybe sometime this weekend!” Clara smiled.

———

The rain had let up some by the time classes were over. I walked out with an umbrella still. I met Taya up on the hilltop. He stood there with an umbrella of his own.

“Uta, um...” He started telling me. “I decided I want to be more open about my memories with Saya... After all, I shouldn’t keep her a secret from everyone. I think I’ll start with telling the theatre club today when the time is right.”

“Oh.” I said. “Well, you don’t have to, if it will just make you feel sad or uncomfortable.”

“But I want to.” Taya said. “I want people to know about Saya. I don’t want her to be forgotten and kept a secret.”

“Alright then.” I said. “Good luck.”

We began rehearsing the story’s script in the theatre club. We did a vague run through it, without any movement, intermissions, songs, or anything. We simply sat there, acting our lines with some feeling, in a first attempt to start memorizing them.

The play was set in a fantasy world, roughly inspired by a Victorian-era setting, yet without all the rampant social issues people had to face during that time.

The girl who built the doll was a very creative person who made all her toys and wrote all her stories. Yet nobody saw her creative genius and she was all alone in the world. The beloved doll was her best friend.

The girl would eventually die of scarlet fever. Then the doll’s emotions—happiness from the memories, gratitude from the friendship, and sadness from their parting, all came together to create a reaction in the doll that brought it to life.

It was a story of love and loss...

It almost reminded me of...

“Um... This story here, is uh...” Taya spoke up once the practice was at a break. “It’s actually dedicated to someone.”

He ended up getting everyone’s attention.

“It’s dedicated to a friend. A dear friend I lost a while ago. Her name was Saya... and... well... I wrote this play as a tribute to her. So that’s why it’s so important to me. I wanted to perform it with all of you so we could all celebrate Saya’s memory together. So... let’s all give it our best, okay?”

“Yeah!” Everyone responded with a smile. A few people came up to Taya to pat and hug him and tell him they were sorry for his loss.

I smiled too. Taya did it. He told them about Saya, and did it without breaking down. I could tell he was slowly growing as a person. Also the play being a tribute to Saya... it all made sense. It was a perfect decision for Taya to play the role of the doll after all. He was the protagonist of his own story, and the play he wrote was a metaphor for that fact.

I felt that, even though he was a newcomer, he was the one who could connect the most with his character and could put the most feeling in his acting.

———

After we returned to the dorms, I suddenly remembered something.

The violin... There was still the violin. Taya had gone to his room to take a quick break, so I decided to take it out of its case and examine it.

It really was an exquisite violin. A beautiful shade of purple, beautifully polished, and no errors whatsoever in the kanji. Taya really knew what he was doing when he commissioned it.

I held it under my neck and placed my bow in position.

It had been too long since I had played the violin. I hope I wouldn’t be rusty when I was to play for Taya.

I slowly opened the door to Taya’s room and greeted him softly.

“Taya?” I said. “You wanted to hear me play the violin, right?”

“Ah, I did say that, didn’t I?” Taya answered.

I immediately sensed his anticipation. I smiled at him.

“Well...” I said. “Honestly, ever since I met you, I’ve felt more of a drive and reason to keep perusing music. To keep loving music. I realized through you that I haven’t lost all my passion. So, thank you...”

“Uta... that’s wonderful.” Taya said.

“So, this is a song I know by heart.” I said. “I hope you like it.”

I began to play a song I knew so well, I didn’t even have to think about it. It was a beautiful and melancholy piece, but it would feel kind of silly if you knew what it was. It was a piece called “Friends,” from the anime Ojamajo Doremi Dokkaan. It was an anime about cute witches who help people.

It was like my bow effortlessly drifted over the strings as I played the nostalgic tune. Ah, I forgot this feeling... It felt so freeing. It felt so fulfilling and meaningful. Playing for others... Knowing they’ll be moved. Even playing for oneself... Knowing you’ll be lost in a world of music. I felt a sharp pang of that forgotten feeling as soon as I closed my eyes. And my bow was magically sailing over the strings...

When I finished playing the song, I instinctively took a bow. Maybe I was hanging around Taya too much?

I was smiling. Taya was smiling sentimentally and clapping.

“Uta... that was so beautiful...” He said. “And... that song... it sends me back. Did you know... that it was Saya’s favorite piece?”

“Ah...” I said. “It was?”

“Yes...” Taya said. “She loved the anime it was from... it was why she wanted to be a witch. That song... was a symbol of our friendship. Hearing it played so wonderfully just made me all sentimental...”

“I’m... not that great at violin.” I said modestly.

“Yes you are!” Taya said. “You have true talent. You became a different person when you played. So poised... and beautiful. You were in such a trance. Please, don’t let your talent go to waste.”

I smiled at Taya and pat his head.

“I’ll try not to.” I said. “When I played for you, I got this wonderful feeling. I think I’m starting to love music again.”

“Ah, sou?” Taya said. “That’s great... I’m so glad.”

Afterwards, I practiced singing for a while with Taya. It was a bit embarrassing since his voice was so much better than mine, but he offered to be my coach and to give me pointers when it came to better singing. At one point we even sang something of a duet to a backing track. It was a really nice feeling.

I found myself losing myself in music that evening. I had returned to a home I hadn’t visited in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since my idea of Taya having a friend who died didn’t come until after the idea of his play, the fact that the play fits so well with his backstory is actually a coincidence. A crazy coincidence. A great coincidence. A useful and amazing coincidence. I feel like it works perfectly for the context of this story.
> 
> Also, yes! I got to sneak in my favorite anime, Ojamajo Doremi! Everyone watch it! Or at least listen to “Friends.” But some of the videos of that song may contain mild spoilers... But Ojamajo Doremi is such a long series that spoilers might be impossible to avoid before finishing it... Lol.
> 
> Yes, Taya says “Ah sou?” It’s basically shortened “Sou desu ka?” Basically, “Is that so?” “Sou” itself can also be shorthand for “Sou, ne” or “Sou desu ne” which means “That is so” and is often used to say “Oh well.”
> 
> It’s funny how English and Japanese both seem to have the same so/sou in it!


	11. Chapter 11

Taya’s Point of View

Tuesday again? No problem. Uta insisted there should be a period between “No” and “problem,” to make it read like, “Tuesday again? No. Problem.”

But I preferred having a positive outlook. I tried to persuade Uta into thinking positive as well.

In first period, Momo and Zatsune were being Momo and Zatsune, as usual. But this time, when Momo saw me, she walked up to me with a concerned face.

“Taya!” She spoke to me. “I... I heard from Teto. You made up with Uta, but... do you need a hug?”

“I feel okay.” I said. “But I’ll still hug you. I appreciate it.”

“Ohh boy.” Zatsune rolled her eyes. “The strawberry cream puff and peach cream puff are hugging...”

“Zatsune, this really isn’t the time to be your obnoxiously edgy self.” Momo said. “Taya’s been through a lot. He lost his best friend in middle school and he still grieves sometimes.”

“Oh.” Zatsune suddenly grew an expression I’d never seen on her before. “Gee... I’m so sorry.” She said. “Well... Taya? I know it’s odd coming from me, but... if you ever need to talk or anything, I’ll try to help the best I can. Okay?”

Momo just stood there, blinking.

“You know... you’re actually nice after all, Zatsune. I never knew that.” She said. “I never knew you had a tender side.”

“Well... I mean.” Zatsune said. “I’m not sure exactly what you expected. What exactly did you guys take me for, anyway? A complete edge lord?”

Momo and I both stood there, blinking.

...Should we tell her?

———

In second period, SeeU was rather quiet. I wondered what was up. It wasn’t normal for her to be like this. Merli seemed to be enjoying every minute of SeeU’s silence, however. But I couldn’t help but feel a bit concerned.

But suddenly, during break time, SeeU got out of her seat and offered to read us a rap she wrote.

“No.” Merli responded right off the bat.

“Um... sure?” I answered. I was a little curious to find out what SeeU had written. Merli glared at me.

“Okay!” SeeU danced out of her seat.

The Sonare Community College Rap  
By SeeU

Out of my starry eyes  
I SeeU  
Time always flies  
When I see Yuu  
And wherever he is  
There’s always Wil  
The two are never standing still  
Wherever they go there’s always Kyo  
He’s the one to complete the trio  
At the pet store I saw Ritsu  
He adopted a fluffy shitzu  
In a mansion I saw Gumi  
She was in a place that was roomy  
Running late to school was Momo  
Too bad she could only run in slow-mo  
Traveling back in time was Dex  
He met a Tyrannosaurus rex  
At the hair salon was Merli  
She got a perm and now her hair is curly  
On the boardwalk I saw Taya  
Making his way to the playa  
At the airport I saw Uta  
Getting on a flight to Utah  
Lurking in the dark was Miki  
She was being very sneaky  
Doing a weird dance was Lily  
She was being very silly

“Would you please stop... I can’t take it anymore...” Merli said.

“But you did listen pretty far.” SeeU said. “Admit it, you were interested.”

“Absolutely not!” Merli turned red.

I could tell deep down that Merli was actually fond of SeeU. I just wasn’t sure exactly how much and how deep down that was.

———

Before third period class, I went to the restroom and noticed a random unopened box of Kraft macaroni and cheese just sitting there, submerged in a toilet.

What?

Why would anybody waste perfectly good food like this?

When I got to third period, I noticed Len and Ruby were snickering about something.

“So I hid all my macaroni boxes in the most random places I could think of.” Len said.

“Sweet.” Ruby said.

“Is that sou, desu ka? So it was you who left that in the toilet, huh?” I asked.

“Whoa there.” Len said. “You’re making it sound like I used it without flushing or something...”

Ruby suddenly burst out in laughter.

“How many boxes of macaroni and cheese did you waste?” I asked them.

“We bought fifty of them and hid them in random places around campus.” They confessed.

What? But...

“But... why?” I asked them, confused.

“Because it’s funny.” Len and Ruby answered.

What a strange thing to do.

We heard footsteps approaching the classroom.

“What was this box of macaroni and cheese doing on display in the art gallery?” The professor walked in the room and asked, carrying in a box of macaroni and cheese pasta in fun Scooby-Doo shapes.

“Modern art.” Ruby rebutted.

The professor opened his desk drawer to find more macaroni and cheese. He groaned. He turned on the computer to see that his desktop had changed to a picture of mac and cheese, and so did his cursor, and so did all his folder icons.

A box of mac and cheese suddenly fell from a hole in the ceiling onto the professor’s head. Somehow, his bald spot was so firm, it caused the box to burst open like a piñata, sending little hard pieces of uncooked elbow macaroni noddles flying across the room.

The professor turned red and started muttering profane words again. I’m afraid I am still not permitted to repeat such words. The age rating of this text would need also to be raised if I did.

———

In fourth period, Yukari’s hair was swaying in the non-existent spring breeze. Even though it was September. The non-existent cherry blossom petals were fluttering down on her as she held a note to her face and blushed.

“This is a song I wrote...” She said. “For IA. I put all my feelings into it. I fondly hope she will like it.”

It was time for us to share an original musical composition we had worked on. I sang a short tune accompanied by my cello. It was a rather modest composition... but I think it did the job. I hope my professor thought it was okay.

But Yukari was going to go all out with hers. Apparently she was going to dedicate hers to IA.

Yukari began to play her song on the piano. Right off the bat, it seemed as if she wasn’t sure what genre she wanted it to be. She slid upwards on the keys, then downwards, did a dramatic crescendo, a diminuendo, then epic jazz hands, and then she began singing an operetta, then soul, then enka, then inspirational rap, then she did a guitar solo (on the piano, no less,) played badly with her toes, and ended her song with the Barney theme song!

The lyrics seemed like they directly ripped off Fuwa Fuwa Time, except Yukari called hers “Comfy Time” and said her heart would turn into a kitten, “delicate and soft, yet affectionate and playful.”

It was certainly... an unforgettable composition.

———

Fifth period.

As soon as I waked in, I noticed something was a little off. Something had changed? Or switched? But I didn’t know exactly what it was. Yet.

“Taya! Hootie hoo!” Haku said with a perky and cheerful smile.

Wait...

“Ohh... Woe is me...” Kaito groaned.

Hm...

“Hello guys.” I said to both of them.

“I feel like I’m simply bursting with Kool-Aid and solar energy!” Haku cheered.

“Oh... I am so crestfallen.” Kaito brooded. “There are various shades of blue inside my soul.”

“Wow!” I said, pretending to play along. “Something is different about you two today! I wonder what it could be?”

I already knew exactly what it was.

Haku was pretending to be positive and happy like Kaito. Kaito was pretending to be... negative and downcast the way Haku usually was.

“Oh, the pain. The deep-fried pain.” Kaito theatrically groaned. “The ice cream is melting, there’s nothing but rain.”

“Don’t be so hopelessly despondent my dear buddy!” Haku said. “Sing a ballad in the rain, like in a musical!”

There were a few seconds of awkward silence, then awkward laughter.

“...Yeah. This isn’t working.” They then both said at the same time.

“...What exactly were you even trying to do?” I asked.

“Get into each other’s characters.” Kaito said.

“A perspective-broadening exercise.” Haku said.

“Basically, I thought acting like Haku would help me understand her negative feelings and how to alleviate them better. And if Haku acted like me, being optimistic would come more natural to her...” Kaito said.

“Hm... I think you did a nice job though.” I said. “Haku pulled off some really nice and natural smiles! And Kaito, you uh... prompted Haku to cheer you up! Maybe if you keep doing this, Haku will begin to smile a lot more.”

“Hey... maybe you’re right!” Haku‘s face brightened up. “Thank you, Taya!

“Thanks, Taya!” Kaito said as well.

“No problem!” I said back, feeling a bit sheepish.

Now Haku was smiling.

It felt as if everything was well.

———

After school, I flew over to the theatre club with Uta. I felt so eager to continue working on my play.

Yesterday night, I had sent a copy of my script to everybody.

I also included the following character bios, labeled by who had the role, to help everyone get a better idea of the kind of character they would be playing.

———

Character Bios, by Taya Soune

Taya Soune- The Doll. They are a humble, kind, and magical being. They are always dressed elegantly, and help out everyone they meet. According to Uta, their character resembles mine a bit?

Uta Utane- A young adult who eventually becomes The Doll’s best friend. They are quite clever and brave. They are a orphan who eventually grew up without ever having a family. They have a wish to have a family. The doll eventually grants this wish and finds them a family.

Lapis Aoki- The little girl who built the doll. A young creative genius who built all her toys and wrote all her stories. However, she was incredibly lonely and nobody recognized her creative genius. Dies of scarlet fever at the age of 11.

Ruby- Young woman 1. In a relationship with young woman 2. Naive and optimistic. Has a wish for her partner’s true happiness. The doll grants this wish by letting the two see the ocean together.

Gumi- Young woman 2. In a relationship with young woman 1. Usually calm and composed. They are hospitalized long-term for an illness, with an uncertain prognosis. Has a wish to see the ocean with her partner. The doll grants this wish.

Nigaito Shion- The little boy. Has a wish to see his dog again. He still can’t quite comprehend that his dog had passed away. The doll grants this wish and gives them one more memory that brings them peace and closure.

Qingxian Mo- The other little girl. An orphaned child who wishes to have a parent who loves her. The doll brings her to the middle-aged lady, who becomes her adoptive mother.

Bruno- Middle-aged man 1. A farmer who grows crops for the townspeople, and keeps animals. In a relationship with the blacksmith. He sadly is terribly busy and has conflicting schedules with the blacksmith and can never find a day to relax with him. He wishes he could spend more time with the blacksmith. The doll helps out.

Dex- Middle-aged man 2. A blacksmith who supplies tools for people, including his partner, the farmer. He sadly is terribly busy and has conflicting schedules with the farmer and can never find a day to relax with him. He wishes he could spend more time with the farmer. The doll helps out.

Merli Aoki- The middle-aged lady. A lonely and stoic librarian. Has a wish to have a daughter. The doll brings her to the orphaned little girl, who becomes her adopted daughter.

Daina- The elderly lady. Recently had a disagreement with her partner for the first time ever after fifty years of never fighting. Wishes she could make up with him. The doll helps her.

Kyo- The elderly man. Recently had a disagreement with his partner for the first time ever after fifty years of never fighting. Wishes he could make up with her. The doll helps him.

———

When I walked in the room, many of the club members began praising me for my script! Wow!

“I didn’t know we had such a playwright here right under our noses!” Kyo said.

“Oh, no... I’m... really not that great.” I said. “It’s just a hobby.”

“Don’t be so modest, Taya.” Uta said, smiling. “I read it too. It was really heartfelt. You put a lot of emotion into your writing.”

“Ah... sou?” I shyly put my hand to my chin. I felt a bit flattered.

“I actually caught Merli crying as she read your script.” Lapis snickered.

“I was not! I simply got spice in my eye, and that is it!” Merli rebutted.

“Yeah. Suuuure.” Lapis made a cheeky grin. A few people around us laughed. Merli turned as red as cayenne.

We did a quick run through of the first quarter of the play again. We were cutting our area of focus into parts, for now.

“Okay... so is it too early to start thinking about props?” I suggested when we were finished.

“Hm... I don’t see why not.” Lapis said. “The earlier the better, even though we wouldn’t want to rush too many things. We’ll still take our time.”

“Hm. Then I would suggest these props.” I said. “The toys in the girl’s room, Gumi’s hospital bed, the farmer’s tools, Nigaito’s dog... in the form of a plush perhaps, the librarian’s books, and canes for the elderly characters.”

“That sounds like it would be a good start.” Lapis said. “But we also would need to figure out how many individual settings we will incorporate so we can figure out how many sets to make. There is a lot that goes into performing a play. We also need music and costume design!”

“You’re right!” I said. “This is going to be such hard work. But it will be so exciting!”

“Hey um, something has been bothering me. Just a bit. Just a little bit.” Bruno spoke up.

“Yes?” I answered.

“Well, have you noticed that the characters’ names are all just... ‘Little girl 2’ and ‘The Doll’ and ‘Middle-Aged Man 1?’ Don’t you think they all need... actual real names?”

“Gee. You’re right!” I said. “I avoided naming them all because I feel I’m bad with names, but... now that we’re performing it as a theatrical production, our characters need names!”

“Well then, let’s all suggest names for the doll first.” Gumi said. “How about, hm... Rosalie?”

“I personally feel that the gender-neutral name Cobalt evokes a much more refined image. Plus, it goes with Taya’s hair!” Merli said.

“I think the doll should have a traditional Chinese name.” Qingxian said. “Such as Lanlu, meaning ‘blue dew.’”

“What about the name Sapphire?” Ruby suggested.

“I know! How about Dewey!” Said Nigaito.

“I like the name Aster myself.” Bruno said.

“Ooh! What about Wolfgang?” Dex suggested.

“NO!” Everyone else said in unison.

“...Moonfang?” Daina suggested, once there was silence.

...

All of a sudden, the entire room burst into a chaotic fit of argument.

“Hey um, guys? Guys... please? Stop fighting...” I said softly. Too softly. Nobody heard or paid me any attention.

“Everyone, QUIET!” Uta finally yelled above everything. Uta normally spoke in a soft and wispy tone, but she could produce one heck of a piercing yell when she tried! With a bit more control, I considered she would be good at belting songs like Jitter Doll and Ghost Rule with lots of power.

Everything fell silent again. Everyone began to pay attention to Uta.

“How about we just give the characters our own names?” Uta suggested. “It would feel closer to us that way. If anyone other group decides to perform this play in the future after us, they can name the characters whatever they want. But for us, I think the characters should have our names.”

“Oh, I see!” Nigaito said. “So my character will just be Nigaito. And the doll will just be Taya!”

“Yeah, exactly!” Uta said.

“You know, since we can’t decide on anything, I say we should do that as well.” Gumi said.

As usual, Uta managed to settle things and came up with a really great idea. Being Cobalt or Sapphire sounded cool. But really? I kind of just wanted to be Taya. Except instead, the Taya I couldn’t show all the time. The Taya I truly was, deep inside.

———

A whole day passed. The next day, we finally started doing rehearsals with movements and more feeling than before. Even though this play had minimal dancing, we called where we had to be, and when we had to be there, by “choreography.”

I also got acting pointers from the club seniors. Things like body posture, gestures, facial expression, vocal diction, and how to make it sound convincing, basically.

As The Doll, the first person I meet on my journey is Uta. However, her wish is the last I grant in the story. She ends up tagging along on all of my escapades as I meet and help all these other people along the way. She’s almost like my sidekick. 

We eventually got to the part of the play where I meet Uta. It was just me and her on that small raised stage in the drama club room.

In this scene, I find her traveling along a stone path as if she is lost. I end up fixing Uta’s compass for her. But then, a wolf begins to attack me. (The wolf is played by Dex in a fursuit, by the way. He got a huge kick out of this.)

Uta courageously saves me from the wolf and asks me my name.

“I am Taya.” I recited from my script. “Thank you for saving me! As you can see, I am made from metal and wood. That’s because I am a mechanical doll. But I hope we can still be friends anyway!”

“Is that so?” Uta answered. “I’d like very much to be friends. I’ve never had a friend before. Or a family neither. As a child, I was orphaned, but nobody adopted me.”

“Oh, that’s terrible.” I said. “I’ll be your friend.”

“Thank you for being my friend.” Uta said. “I’ve never had a friend who was a living doll before. But I still wish I had a family...”

“Don’t worry.” I said. “I’ll make sure you have a family too.”

“Really? I can’t thank you enough!” Uta said. “But how will you do that?”

“Take my hand.” I said, smiling, holding out my hand. “I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen.”

Suddenly, Uta became quiet, as if she forgot her next line. I noticed her face had turned the slightest bit pink. I became worried. Was she coming down with a fever?

“Uta?” I whispered softly.

“Oh... sorry.” Uta muttered quietly. “It’s... it’s just... I noticed something.”

“Hm?” I asked.

“Well, it’s just...” Uta continued. “You... have this... glow to you all of a sudden... I mean.”

Uta cast her face down and suddenly looked away from me. When she noticed the rest of the club was staring at us, she turned even redder.

“Um. Never mind. Really. Let’s just get back to rehearsing.”

...I wondered what Uta meant about me having a glow to myself.

———

“Hey Taya, could you do me a favor?”

Qingxian was talking to me one-one-one next club period. This was pretty rare, all things considered. I decided I wouldn’t let this opportunity to possibly make friends with her slip away.

“Oh, sure.” I said back to her.

“I need to go wash off and redo my makeup. Could you make sure to take extra good notes while I’m away?”

“Sure.” I said.

Sometimes club leader Lapis showed us PowerPoints of rather useful things and we were encouraged to take notes. Her PowerPoint was going to start in a few minutes. I couldn’t see why Qing couldn’t wait until after the PowerPoint was finished to redo her makeup. Was it really that big of an emergency for her?

Anyway, while she was away, I made sure to take extra good, extra intricate notes, even with paraphrasing and diagrams and pictures to help things be easier to understand, just in case. Just for Qingxian.

When Qingxian got back...

“Oh, wow! These notes are amazing!” She sang. “Beautiful handwriting! And so fast! You... you did all this for me?” She asked. 

“It was nothing! Really!” I said.

“Wow. You are truly something else, Taya.” She said. “I’ll make sure to remember I can always count on you.”

And well... let’s just say she didn’t exactly forget. Qingxian always depended on me to write her notes for her, even when she wasn’t even busy. She said that she wasn’t good at writing notes and needed me to take them while she was practicing to get better. Which made as much sense to me as it probably does to you, I know.

———

About a week later...

“Hey Taya! Can you do me a favor?”

It was Qingxian again.

Am I having deja vu?

“Yes?” I answered her.

“Hmm, a little bird told me you were good at baking sweets.” Qing said. “I was wondering if you could come to my dorm room and bake a chocolate cake for my roommates and I.”

“Um... sure.” I said.

Somehow, I didn’t turn it down. I couldn’t turn it down.

That was when Uta got into it.

“What was up with that?” She asked.

“Qing?” I said back to her.

“Yeah. Don’t you think she’s being outrageously demanding?”

“Hmm...” I thought. “Well... I don’t exactly want to lose her as a friend.”

“Well...” Uta said. A sour expression suddenly grew on her face. “Taya. I hate to break it to you but. I don’t think Qing is exactly a friend. I think she’s taking advantage of your selflessness.”

“Oh.” I said. “But... that seems a little unfair to assume.” 

“Taya, you might not see it, because you’re so sweet and innocent, but...” Uta continued.

“Uta, I don’t really want to hear you say bad things about Qingxian.” I said back to her. I must admit, Qingxian did get in my nerves a little, but. I couldn’t just talk down on her!

“But... Taya, this is for your own good. I don’t get a good feeling from her.” Uta said.

“What are you two arguing about?” Qingxian herself suddenly interrupted the scene.

“Um... nothing!” Uta had to lie. “We’re talking about a... Korean drama! Man, those plot twists, right?”

“Oh. Uh! Yeah!” I responded. “Man, those... Korean dramas. Yeah. So... dramatic.”

“Oh, okay! Haha! Have fun then!” Qingxian went off on her merry way.

Uta felt so awkward that Qingxian almost caught her talking bad about her, that she didn’t argue with me for the rest of the day.

I wish Uta and Qingxian could get along. I don’t think Qing is a bad person. I don’t think she’s out to take advantage of me. I just think that she needs to learn to rely on herself a bit more.

Eventually a few days later, I ended up in charge of Qingxian’s book report.

“See, Taya? Now you’re stuck doing a whole book report that you don’t even have any reason to do.” Uta said, as we were walking back to our dorm from theatre club one day. I could tell she was angry. Not at me, (hopefully,) but Qing.

“But...” I sighed. “Even if you are right, I just can’t seem to say no.”

“Well.” Uta said. “Maybe we can assess that. What do you think would happen if you were to say no?”

“Qingxian would get mad at me.” I admitted. “And possibly stop being friends with me.”

“And?” Uta said. “If that were to happen, then that would mean that she wasn’t a true friend in the first place.”

I sighed. All of a sudden, there was a bit of unease on my palette again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting from this chapter, the story’s timeline will start progressing quite fast and weeks may go by within one chapter, rather than one day going by each chapter. Well, at least for this portion of the series. Sorry for such wonky pacing.


	12. Chapter 12

Taya’s Point of View

“Speaking of book reports and such, how is your essay on classical music coming along, Uta?” I asked, when we got back to the dorm room.

“Oh... that. Well... haha!” Uta laughed sheepishly.

I could immediately tell something was up!

“Uta...” I shook my head a bit. “You’re procrastinating, aren’t you?”

“Well...” Uta said. “Okay. To tell the truth... yes. But. It’s because I’ve been so busy. With your play, and all! My mind can only focus on so much at once...”

“Well, I understand.” I said. “But it isn’t good to procrastinate! I should help you.”

“But Taya!” Uta immediately said. “You shouldn’t have to overwork yourself for others so much! Remember, you also have to do that Qing’s book report as well? So please! I am fine on my own.”

“Okay.” I said.

Uta and I went back to our dorm room and started on work. I began to concentrate on mine. But I could tell Uta was still fooling around. She started tapping around on her phone. Eventually she opened her laptop and I saw anime graphics on the screen instead of documents.

Eventually Uta even went in the kitchen and began to fool around. Just what was she doing? Was this going to be like that Procrastination episode of SpongeBob?

“Um, Uta? What are you doing?” I asked her. She had the stove on and had something unrecognizable in a pan.

“Cooking.” She said.

“... But why?” I asked her. “You’re usually leave cooking to me. And you’re supposed to be doing tour essay.”

Uta turned the heat on high and flipped whatever she had in her pan. A bit of charred, smoldering food got onto the sleeve of my coat... and ignited the fabric!

“Gaaaah!” I began to shriek! Not only was this my fifth-favorite coat and my ninth-most expensive one, but... I was on fire!

“Whyyy?” I cried out. “Why did you set me on fire, Uta? Why didn’t you just write your essay?”

“What’s all the commotion?” Suddenly Momo and Teto were in the room! Don’t ask me how they came in here!

“HELP ME I’M ON FIRE!” I said quickly and loudly.

“Aaaah!” Teto didn’t know what to do either. She began to panic and run around in circles as if she were a Sims character reacting to a fire.

Momo had a reaction to fight the fire, however. She knew there was a fire extinguisher in the dorm kitchen, and where it was. She opened the pantry, pushed things aside, and pulled open the hatch and...

A rain of thick foam sprayed all over me and everywhere!

It put out the fire, however!

“Ah! Thank you, Momo!” I smiled and bowed out of gratitude. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“No big deal.” Momo said, smiling. “Now Uta, get back to your essay!”

“What... what are you two even doing in here anyway?” Uta asked.

“The door to your dorm was unlocked. We decided to drop in and surprise you!” Teto said.

“Oh, gee...” Uta and I both said.

That night, after a sudden burst of concentration finally hit her, Uta managed to finish her essay at the stroke of midnight.

———

A few days later...

We were finally composing music for the play. But we couldn’t all do it ourselves, so we asked the music composition club to help.

Aside from various pieces of background music, this play was to have five songs with vocals.

-A song by the little girl, with additional parts sung by the doll  
-A song by the doll and the best friend they meet  
-A thank-you song sung by all the people the doll impacted during their journey  
-The doll’s final solo, shortly before their death and reuniting with their owner  
-A big grand finale song everyone sings together, and even the deceased characters are singing from “the world beyond.”

I had vocal parts in four out of five of these songs... I shivered at the thought. I would really need to work on my stage fright.

We were conceptualizing the doll’s final solo in the play, and thinking of how it would possibly sound. The song would also be the solo I would sing, so my vocal range would be taken into consideration...

“I’m thinking... it should sound a little bit wistful, yet also hopeful? And definitely very pretty...”

“Oh. I see.” IA responded. She was in the music composition club. “I think I may know what you have in mind. Do you have any lyrics I could write a tune for?”

“I may have them ready by tomorrow.” I said. The rest of the club members helped me with the lyrics for the previous songs, and the musical composition club had composed wonderful melodies out of those. But I wanted to write the lyrics to the doll’s final solo myself.

The next day...

“There is something I need to say.” Uta said.

“Yes?” We responded to her.

“You know how I have to sing in three out of five of these songs?” Uta asked.

“...Yeah?” We said.

“Well... I’m not a very good singer.” Uta said. “If I were to sing, it would ruin the production quality of your performance by a lot. So I suggest my singing voice should be dubbed over by someone in the choir.”

“Oh no...” I said. “Uta, I was really looking forward to your singing. And to our duet song!”

“Taya...” Uta said. “You know it just won’t work, right?”

“Don’t be so negative, Uta...” I said. “I don’t think you’re all that bad honestly! And shabby or not, I want you to sing, with your real voice.”

“Why do you want that so much?” Uta asked me.

“It’ll be great for you, I just know.” I smiled.

“I agree!” Kyo said.

“I think we all think Uta should just sing.” Merli said.

“Really?” Uta asked.

“Yeah.” We were basically all in agreement.

The musical composition club entered the room.

“I created a small sample of what you suggested the song sound like.” IA said. “But I’m afraid I can’t go any further without your lyrics to go by.”

“Oh, it’s fine. I have my lyrics right here now.” I said, presenting them to IA.

“I see...” IA said, reading over them. Yukari looked over her shoulder.

“It’s so sad, yet pretty...” Yukari said.

“By the way, would you like to hear the sample of what I composed?” IA asked.

“Sure.” We all said.

She pressed play on her phone, and delicate sounds from the piano wafted into the room, melodious and serene... then accompanied by a flute. It started off slow, then at a certain point, picked up a bit in speed. It had a rather serene, yet almost wistful feel to it.

“Oh... it’s perfect! You should build on what you already have!” I said.

“Thank you.” IA said. “To tell the truth, Yukari composed most of it. She’s a rather adaptable learner.”

“Huh.” I said. “That’s really incredible, Yukari.” 

“Hehe, thanks.” Yukari blushed. “Wow, IA and Taya complimented me...”

I could tell she was mostly blushing due to IA’s compliment though...

———

A few days later, we were in the dorm. I heard Uta groan and mumble from her bedroom. She came out with a sour-looking face.

“What’s up?” I said consolingly.

“I got a call from my dad.” Uta said.

Oh? Uta had never told me about her family before. Did she not like her father? What about Uta’s mother? Was she nice?

“Oh.” I said. “Um... I haven’t heard you talk much about your family before.” I responded.

“I’m not really close to them.” Uta said. “Except for maybe my three siblings. We’re similar in age, but they all go to different colleges than me. And we’re all too busy to ever meet up. That’s why you’ve never met them.”

“Oh.” I said. I was feeling so intrigued. I had no idea Uta had siblings either! Three of them! What were they like? Did they look like her? What kind of hobbies did they have? Were they all just as nice as Uta?

“So...” I continued. “Um. About your father... Do you not like him?”

“Not really.” Uta said. “He doesn’t want me to pursue music.”

“...But why?” I asked.

“Well, you see...” Uta sat down on the couch next to me. I could tell I was in for a bit of a long backstory. I was glad Uta was comfortable enough to share something so personal with me, yet I also wish I had known earlier.

“My mother passed away when I was four years old.” Uta said.

“Oh.” I said. I felt as if something in the room had broke. “I’m sorry...”

“Don’t apologize.” Uta said. “Though I appreciate it...”

“Okay.” I said.

“So, anyway...” Uta continued. “I was four years old when she passed. My oldest brother Kanade was eight. My other older brother Hibiki was six. My little sister Koe was two. Anyway, my mother loved music. That’s why she named us all after Japanese musical words. She loved to sing as well. After she passed away, my father became really ill-tempered and forbid us all from ever singing. He told us that it just brought him painful memories of our mother. He wanted none of us to pursue music for the same reason.”

“That’s so sad...” I muttered, trying to give my best consolation. “I’m really sorry. You must have been so distraught by all of that. Having your father become so anguished and taking it out on you and your siblings probably didn’t help at all either. But... now that you’re away from him, you can pursue music freely, right?”

“Well... that’s what I’m concerned about now.” Uta said. “He just called me. He still has no idea I‘m going to a music college... but apparently he just found out my major is music. He tried to talk me into switching to majoring in business, like he’s been trying to for years. Now I’m scared he’s going to find out that Sonare is a music college... as if the name didn’t already tip him off, you know?”

“Well... why doesn’t your dad try to keep your mother’s memory alive with music?” I asked. “I... I know how it feels to lose somebody. Saya loved music too. I use music to keep her memory alive. Why can’t your dad do the same?”

“It’s just. My dad is a very difficult person.” Uta sighed. “Oh well. I’m sorry I had to mix you up in my troubles.”

“No, it’s fine!” I answered, smiling. “I‘m glad I got to learn all this about you. Now I feel we are closer. And you can always talk to me whenever you’re troubled again, okay?”

“Okay.” Uta smiled. “You’re such a great friend and listener, Taya. Thank you. I can tell you’ve grown and matured a lot as a person since I opened up to you about my depression too.”

“I have?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Uta said. “Being able to open up to me about your memories with Saya was probably what it took.”

“Well... I think it was because I met you.” I said. I spoke honestly from the bottom of my heart. I really did feel Uta was helping me grow.

Uta gave me a smile.

“Uta, can we hug?” I asked. I noticed that Uta usually wasn’t too big on hugs, unless I needed comfort.

“Sure.” She said.

I gave her a tender and sweet hug. I noticed her face was a bit warm...

———

It was now time to work on costumes for the play. We also have gotten pretty good at memorizing the script and effortlessly incorporating movements! Now we just needed the finishing touches so the magic could happen...

Uta’s rather eccentric classmates, Miki and Iroha, were helping with designing costumes, along with Gumi, the head of costume design in the club.

Apparently Miki and Iroha loved character design. They also loved cosplay. This was really a perfect task for them!

I gave them descriptions of what I wanted the characters to look like. Honestly, I had this vision in my head that everyone wore clothes that had a fantasy flair to them. Sort of. They were actually more Victorian than anything. But also in varying waves of elegant. Some of the characters were rich, and some were rather poor, but they all looked pretty dashing.

“So... kind of like your tailcoat, Taya?” Ruby laughed.

“Um... I guess?” I answered. “But... more otherworldly.”

“I think I know what Taya means!” Miki squeaked. “Let me pull up a good picture of the style.”

Miki began tapping away on her phone.

“Oh! This!” Miki showed me her phone. “This is an image from the anime series, Pandora Hearts! Is this what you meant, Taya?”

Ah! That was exactly what I meant! My eyes had gotten so big, probably, and that was most like why Miki was laughing. I was just thinking about how badly I wanted to wear those clothes!

“Yes! That’s exactly it!” I answered. “I think the doll should wear something a bit like the man in black is wearing! But with just a bit more frills!”

“Oh, him? His name is Gilbert Nightray...”

Miki then started rambling on and on about Pandora Hearts and Gilbert.

“So, you would like the outfits in your play to have this kind of flair?” Iroha asked me as Miki was rambling to Uta (who was being patient and nodding periodically.)

“Oh, I would love that.” I said.

“I think we can do something like that.” Iroha said. “We won’t directly rip off the character designs, but we’ll use them for inspiration. And you said more frills, right?”

“Oh, yes!” I grinned.

My sizes and measurements were taken that day, along with the other members of the club, so that the costumes would fit us just perfectly.

A week and couple days later, my costume was finished! Wow! It was so elegant and wonderful! And fancy and posh and debonair and perfect! It even had a top hat!

“Do you like it, nyaa?” Iroha asked.

“It’s incredible!” I said. “Amazing work! Thank you so much!”

“I’m glad we could help out a friend of Uta’s.” Miki said. “Or... are you two going out?”

“Oh... no!” I shook my head, flustered. “We aren’t going out. She’s just my close friend and roommate...”

Uta didn’t hear Miki’s comment. She was too busy chatting across the room with Gumi and Ruby.

“Well, it’s weird calling her Uta.” Miki said. “Did you know about her nickname? It’s Defoko. Short for deforuto onnanoko.”

“That’s a little... blunt.” I said. “Also, she... really isn’t just a default girl.”

“You know Japanese?” Miki asked me.

“Hai, sou desu ne. I am Japanese and I’ve stayed there over the summer before. Plus I study it.” I said.

“Anyway, when are you gonna try on your costume?” Iroha asked.

“Ah, yes!” I answered. I took the costume and went down to the restroom to change.

When I stepped back into the room, well... everyone’s attention was immediately diverted from what they were doing. All eyes were suddenly on me!

Did this costume really enhance my presence so much?

Uta looked the most speechless of all! Her face was turning pink again, just like before... I began to worry again! It wouldn’t be good if she kept working through a fever!

But before I could ask if Uta was okay, everyone suddenly praised how good I looked.

“Taya, that outfit looks great on you!” Ruby said.

“You look like a true gentleman!” Said Nigaito.

“So dapper!” Bruno said.

“Taya, um...” Uta began to speak with her red face. She was struggling to make words! Was she really sick?

“Uta, are you alright?” I asked.

“Well...” She said. “You... look stunning.”

“I have to wonder though.” Kyo said. “Why does Taya always dress so elegantly anyway? I’m not judging, he looks great! But is he trying to get Best Dressed in the yearbook or something?” 

I decided to admit it.

“Well... it’s because... I’m short, I guess.” I admitted.

“...Huh?” Everyone said in unison.

“You see, I’m not that tall. And I kind of felt insecure about it. So I thought dressing elegantly like this would make up for what I lack in height. It’s kind of silly... but it does give me a boost!”

“I never noticed you were that short.” Kyo said.

“Well, I’m even shorter!” Nigaito said. “What does that make me then?”

“Adorable and huggable, that’s what!” Kyo answered.

“How tall are you anyway, Taya?” Ruby asked.

“Five foot and four-and-a-half inches.” I answered.

“That’s really not that short.” Gumi said.

“Well, I’ve always wished I was at least five foot eight.” I admitted.

“Taya.” Uta spoke. “It’s okay... it wouldn’t feel right if you were tall!”

“I agree with Uta.” Nigaito said.

“I think you’re handsome just the way you are, Taya.” Uta spoke again.

I appreciated the compliment. But Uta instantly covered her mouth right after she said that. Her eyes grew big too, as if there was a sour taste in her mouth.

Oh no! Was she feeling nauseated too all of a sudden? I noticed her turning pink again...

“Uta, do you need to go to the nurse’s office?” I asked her.

“Ah, no.” She said. “I’m fine... really.”

Why was Uta acting so strange and flustered around me all of a sudden?

———

I had finished Qing’s book report for her. The grade came back and I had gotten a 94 for her.

“Not bad at all, Taya!” She said to me. “Definitely better than if I had done the report. I honestly didn’t get that book, like, at all. You are an impressive person Taya. You are good at music, academics, and are very trustworthy.”

“Oh, not really.” I said. “It was... nothing. Really.”

“You are also really modest on top of it all.” Qing said. “I also have another favor to ask of you. Could you come to my house and bake some cake for an upcoming party I plan to throw? I also need you to be one of the butlers. You see, a butler I was planning on hiring caught the flu. You can bow very naturally, and have amazing etiquette, Taya. You would make a very great butler.”

“Oh, um... I will think about it.” I said.

“Thank you so much.” Qingxian said. “I will return the favor one day when I am in not such a hard spot.”

“You’re welcome.” I said.

I walked home with Uta from theatre. Turns out she heard everything.

“Taya, you really aren’t going to do that absurd request, right?” She said.

“She needs help though. She’s in a bit of a rough patch, you see.” I said.

“That’s a blatant lie for you to feel sympathy!” Uta said. “Taya, she’s rich and spoiled and selfish... and she’s using you. She knows you never turn down even the most ridiculous favor, which is why she’s using you as her victim! So please, learn to say ‘no’ next time Taya. For your own sake!”

“Uta...” I said. “Okay.”

I did end up going to Qingxian’s house party and baking her cake however. Her party lasted for hours, but she let me leave after two. I didn’t have to be a butler for long.

Her house was very large and fancy, with a huge lawn. I could tell she was rich. It hit me that Uta might have been right. Maybe she was just incredibly spoiled. Maybe she was just very selfish.

Maybe I did have to just say no next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song composed by the musical composition club is an actual song. It’s “Dolls” by Rozenkruez-P feat. Kagamine Rin. It was also the song that inspired Taya’s plot. It will be Taya’s solo in the play.
> 
> I also made an UTAU cover of Soune Taya singing Dolls at a higher key, since I prefer the higher range of his voice. Google “Soune Taya Dolls Higher Key” and there should be a video of it uploaded by “Ame Sugar” (that would be me.) 
> 
> I’m sorry there was absolutely no mention of Uta’s siblings until now. I only learned her siblings had actual UTAU voices when I was in the middle of writing this story. That was when I wanted to incorporate them. I may edit previous chapters to include mentions of her siblings though.
> 
> Yes, Kanade is Defota. Hibiki is Defosuke. They needed actual names. No, they’re not meant to be named after Suite Precure, haha.
> 
> Also, I actually have not watched or read Pandora Hearts. But it is on my watch/read list!


	13. Chapter 13

Uta’s Point of View

It was now late October. Development towards the play was going along very smoothly! We were doing another run through the script.

Taya made the doll have a certain catchphrase that really stuck out to me.

“Take my hand, I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen.”

That quote... Taya always said it with such sincerity, yet boldness. Such delicacy, yet confidence... It stirred something within me the first time he spoke it. He didn’t stammer or speak with a shy tone at all. It was almost as if... he had this glow to him.

I had begun to see Taya in a slightly different light lately. But... I didn’t know exactly what it meant. All I knew was that it made me feel kind of embarrassed and flustered. And warm... very warm indeed.

The other costumes were also being finalized. I got to wear something quite frilly and elegant. It wasn’t quite like Taya’s, since my character was a poor traveling orphan, but it was certainly sophisticated. It complimented his outfit pretty well!

The songs were all finished. I was practicing really hard with singing my parts. My voice has actually improved a bit, I noticed. Taya basically taught me, in the nicest way possible, that I was basically singing all wrong. Once he introduced to me a more correct way to sing, I realized I actually wasn’t all that bad at it.

Taya had been practicing his songs as well. His solo song was very pretty and the tone of his gentle voice went very well with its sound and atmosphere.

He could sing around me, but around other people he got a bit shy. I suggested he pretend the audience was filled with nothing but Uta. This made him start laughing.

“That’s so many Utas... We would need a lot of rice to keep them all happy!” Taya joked.

I also noticed that Qingxian was continuing to be difficult. Favor after favor. It wouldn’t stop. After the ridiculous house party favor, there hadn’t been another totally outrageous one since. However, there have been many small ones. “Turn in this paper for me.” “Watch my stuff for me.” “Take extra good notes for me.”

Given Taya’s selfless nature, he didn’t turn any of them down. He had many chances to, but he felt that he would wait for another outrageous one to come to turn her down.

“Okay. Suit yourself then.” I told him.

“But I’m already wearing a suit.” Taya cracked a joke.

“...You know what I mean.” I sighed. I felt really worried about Taya. Yet he felt he could joke around.

———

On Halloween evening, we were greeted to an awesome surprise. Halloween was on Sunday this year. We weren’t planning on doing anything for it at first. Then Taya suggested we just wear our play costumes all day. I was on board with that.

Anyway, that evening, a knock came at our door. I opened it, and it turned out that Ruko, Ritsu, Momo, and Teto were all at our door in Halloween costumes! They were all here to visit!

Ruko was dressed as a rather elegant-looking pirate, Ritsu was a vampire, Momo was a fairy, and Teto was in a frilly dress and toy-looking make-up, like a fancy doll.

“Wow! All of you, visiting at the same time!” I lit up. I felt filled with excitement.

“This would be the first time all six of us would be in a room together!” Ruko cheered. “Isn’t this exciting?”

“Sure is!” Taya said.

“Let’s make this an awesome night!” Teto did a little dance.

“All of us had such busy, conflicting schedules, it was hard to find the chance to finally meet up like this.” Momo said. “I’m so happy we finally can.”

“Likewise!” Taya and I said.

“So, are those your costumes for the play?” Ruko asked. “They look great!”

“Thanks!” I said. “We’re actually rehearsing in full for the first time tomorrow, November 1st. Each member of the theatre club is only allowed to invite two non-club people each. I’d like for Taya and I to invite the four of you, if that’s possible. That way, you four will be early to see what we’ve been working on for so long!”

“We’d love that!” Ruko said. Ritsu nodded in agreement, Teto cheered, and Momo smiled, her face lighting up.

“We’re all really proud of all the preparation we’ve done.” Taya said, “The actual performance to a large audience will be November 8th. We hope to see you there too!”

“I’m so excited!” Momo cheered. She began to squeeze her little plush pillow. I noticed it was a peach Squishmallow.

“Oh, that is cute!” Taya said. “It’s a peach. I personally want the strawberry Squishmallow myself!”

“What would you name it?” Momo asked. “My peach is named Parfait.”

“I would name it Swirly.” Taya said.

“Aww.” Momo said. They began to get lost in their own cuddly, fruity little world together. I began to talk to Ruko and Ritsu about singing.

“So... I can almost get through the first part of Jitter Doll now. Sort of.” I sheepishly said. “Until the belting part. It sounds so effortless when you two belt those notes in -ERROR and The Lost One’s Weeping... I’m sure you’ve had years of practice though!”

“It sounds like you are regaining your passion in music.” Ritsu said. “It’s always good to have something you’re passionate about. It gives you an outlet.”

“That’s for sure...” I said. I smiled. “I really do think it’s... all thanks to Taya, and you guys as well. So I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart...”

But before anyone could say “you’re welcome,” I suddenly heard Taya... shouting?

“Momo, peaches are really not as good as strawberries!” He asserted.

“You are incorrect!” Momo shouted back. “Peaches are juicy and sweet! Strawberries are sour and go rotten quickly!”

“I take it that you’ve never had a good strawberry then!” Taya yelled. “In midsummer, a fresh, ripe, round, red, juicy berry... in perfect condition. It practically bursts in your mouth with sweet juice!”

“Nuh-uh!” Momo said.

“Oh, yeah!” Taya said.

“Um... are the two of you arguing over... fruit?” I asked.

“Yeah. Basically.” They both responded.

“Um. How about this then?” I suggested. “You wouldn’t want strawberries and peaches to leave a bad taste in your mouth. But if you continue to argue, that’s exactly what will happen.”

Taya and Momo suddenly looked apologetic.

“Gee... she’s right.” They said.

“I think peaches and strawberries are both best.” Momo said.

“I think peaches and strawberries are equal and should be friends.” Taya said.

Then they cheered and hugged.

I sighed and shook my head. Yet I was smiling.

Taya cooked us all a nice big dinner. Momo, who was also a good cook, did some work too. Ritsu also turned out to be quite helpful in the kitchen as well.

Ruko, Teto, and I sat back on the couch and relaxed. We three were members of the “bad at cooking club.” Even if Teto was also in bakery club, well... It turns out that all she really could make was bread!

For dessert, we had a cake topped with sweet strawberries and peaches. Momo and Taya’s friendship cake. The flavor of the peaches and strawberries melded together surprisingly very well.

We played another game of Two Truths and a Lie before it was time to wrap up this meeting and the guests were to leave.

I learned that Teto was allergic to asparagus, and that she had a pet poodle named Toto.

I learned that Momo was born in Japan, and that she liked the Japanese idol group Perfume.

I learned that Ruko was a fan of cyberpunk anime, and actually met Ritsu online at first before realizing they lived in the same town.

I learned that Ritsu was quite a formidable swimmer, and was interested in elegant fashion much like Taya, but feminine, such as fancy Victorian-style dresses. He said he hesitated to wear that style because it didn’t fit his image much. Taya and I encouraged him to give it a try.

I learned that Taya can actually skate on ice without falling down, and that he was a fan of the anime Cardcaptor Sakura.

My truths were that I tend to eat pizza with rice (don’t judge,) and that I essentially made a singing robot version of myself on the computer by recording syllables of my voice, auto-tuning them, and arranging them into a song.

After everyone found out the second thing, they immediately wanted to hear what it sounded like.

“It’s... really a big work in progress.” I said. “But I’ll show you. I decided that Japanese would be the easiest language for this program to sing in, given the nature of the language’s syllables. So far, I made it sing a bit of a Japanese translation of Jitter Doll...”

I pulled up the audio file on my computer and gave everyone a listen. A robotic voice that sounded vaguely like me, singing Jitter Doll in Japanese, began to play back. It was perfectly on tune, however.

“Wow!” Ruko clapped when it was done, along with everyone else. “I think you’ve got some sort of genius invention going on there, Uta. Maybe if it becomes refined enough, we can be able to still make songs with deceased singer’s voices by recording their voice samples and putting them to songs!”

“Huh...” I said. “I actually never thought of that! I actually just made this thing because I was bored, and wanted to see whether a computerized version of me could sing better or not... hehe.”

“Could you make one with my voice when you have time? I’ll gladly record samples for you.” Momo asked.

“And me!” Everyone else said in practically unison.

“Whoa there...” I said. “I really need to fix and refine major aspects of this program but... Eh. Why not?”

“Yay!” Everyone cheered. It was getting late, and was time for the guests to leave.

“Alright Uta, Taya.” Ruko waved goodbye to us as their party left the room. “See you around soon.”

“Okay, see you!” I waved.

“What will you call your invention?” Taya asked me.

“I was thinking since it majorly provides Japanese vocals, I will call it UTAU, meaning ‘to sing’ in Japanese.” I said. “Also my name is Uta, and my last initial is U. So it’s a bit of a nod to my name as well. I’m planning on recording many voices for my program, and maybe even if I release it commercially, I’ll enable any user to be able to record their own ‘UTAU’ using their own voice.”

“Nice!” Taya said. “This means your voice is the first ‘UTAU’ ever made. So then... can my voice be the second UTAU ever made?”

“I don’t see why not.” I said. “I would love for many different voice types to be the voices for my program. You have a really unique voice too, Taya. I like it a lot.”

“Hehe, thanks...” Taya blushed a bit.

That night, Taya kept practicing his solo for the final time before the initial recital to a small audience. It won’t quite be the big performance, but it will still be a milestone and have a small audience.

I turned in to bed early that night, feeling a bit tired. I began to drift to the melody of the song, and the sound of Taya’s gentle voice singing it. He had a very soothing, melodic voice... even when he spoke. He had gotten very good at the song and developed his own style of singing it. Hearing his voice comforted me. In no time, I had drifted off to sleep.

———

The next day...

We were reciting the play to a small audience. Everything went exactly as planned. It honestly felt a bit like a blur, reciting lines that I had said at least thirty times the exact same way before, and going through the same story... it was a wonderful story still, but it had consumed my entire life lately. 

I hoped that the actual live performance will feel a bit more memorable. I had a feeling it would.

Nevertheless, we got a big round of applause from our small audience.

“That was fantastic, everyone!” Ruko cheered. I couldn’t help but smile a true big smile. Our hard work had paid off. Now we just had to refine it a tiny bit more and perform it to a large audience on November 8th.

———

“Hey guys? I have somewhere to go now.” Taya said, shortly after we all began to converse and celebrate our good performance.

“Oh. Okay.” I said to him. I assumed he was going grocery shopping. Or something. I did have his number this time though, in case if anything were to go wrong.

“I wonder where Taya is going.” Teto said.

“Your guess is as good as mine.” I shrugged. “Wanna head back to my dorm room with me?”

I was asking not only Teto, but Ruko, Momo, and Ritsu as well. They all agreed.

“It seems Taya is absent a lot from our meetings here.” Ritsu pointed out.

“That seems to be true.” I said. “Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon! I think.”

We hung out for a while. Around an hour. I grew worried. Heavy rain began to fall from outside the window. I grew even more worried. I called Taya’s phone but nobody picked up...

“Okay. I’m kind of really worried now.” I said. “Why did Taya leave? Where did he go? Where could he be?” 

I noticed that I was shaking.

Ruko put her hand on my shoulder to calm me down.

“Taya isn’t exactly the most... honest and mentally stable person I can think of, so...” I said. “I’m worried he go into something shady. I’m really, really worried. I shouldn’t have ignored him randomly leaving. I shouldn’t have let him go earlier!”

I didn’t notice, but my eyes were filling with tears.

“Taya is lucky to have a caring friend like you.” Ruko said, consolingly. “We all care about Taya. Try calling him again. If this persists, maybe try calling the police. It could be what we might have to do.”

“Okay...” I said, choking up.

After a few more minutes, I ended up getting a call from Taya.

“Taya!” I answered. “Where are you? Are you okay?”

“No...” He answered. My heart skipped a beat. He sounded like he was in pain! I began to hold my hand to my face. I tried not to panic...

“Taya, tell me where you are.” I said urgently.

“I’m at Qingxian’s.” Taya said. “I was mowing her lawn for her while her family was going shopping... even though I felt my anemia acting up after our performance. I took some medicine but still felt bad. I went through with mowing her lawn anyway... Her lawn is gigantic. And it started raining too, and... I ended up collapsing from fatigue... I just regained consciousness. Her family still isn’t home and I’m feeling very faint. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry but I need you to somehow come here and pick me up. I’ll tell you the address...”

“Taya.” I told him. A tear escaped from my eye. I wiped it away. “I... I’m sorry this is happening... you should’ve said no, but... Ah. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be scolding you. Tell me the address. I’ll have Ruko drive me down.”

Taya told me the address to Qingxian’s house.

“Anyway, Uta, I’m sorry I’m such a pushover like this... I’m so sorry.”

I heard Taya begin to cry over the phone.

“Please don’t cry, Taya.” I said. This made me start crying myself. “I’ll be right there with Ruko.”

“Uta, what happened!?” Ruko looked at me, extremely concerned. I told her exactly what happened, and how Qingxian had been taking advantage of Taya all this time.

“Oh no. I’ll drive you down right now.” Ruko said. “Momo, Teto, you two can stay right here or leave if you want. Ritsu, wanna come along with us?”

Ritsu gave a serious nod.

We hopped into Ruko’s car and frantically headed right down to Qing’s.

By the time we got to Qingxian’s house, Qingxian herself was also pulling up by herself in her own car. Ugh.

I noticed Ritsu giving both the car and Qingxian an intense glare.

Taya was on the porch, sitting in a chair, looking weak and pale.

We got out of Ruko’s car and immediately rushed towards him.

“Taya!” I cried out. “Are you alright?”

“Ah... No. I feel so faint...” He said. “And dizzy. I don’t know if I can walk... even to the car.” He uttered.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I felt so awful.

“You poor thing.” Ruko said. “Hold on to me and Uta. We’ll walk you there slowly.”

Qingxian was coming out of her car as we were sitting Taya down in the back seat.

“Well, what have we here?” She said as she came out and saw the lawn. “An unfinished lawn job.”

This immediately struck a nerve inside me! A huge nerve! Couldn’t she see all the pain she had caused Taya!? I wanted to yell! I wanted to scream! But before I could...

“Hey, you big SWINE! You selfish MONSTER!” Ritsu shouted at Qingxian out of pure rage.

Ritsu then didn’t hesitate to call Qingxian some words. Certain words that I, Uta Utane, am not permitted to repeat in this text.

“Well!” Qingxian made a disgusted, somewhat smug-looking face. “You’re Taya’s friend, I presume. I don’t see how Taya could enjoy having a friend like you who’s such a foul-mouthed barbarian.”

“What did you just say!?” Ritsu was fuming. He immediately started to take off towards Qingxian, but Ruko held him back to prevent a fight from breaking out.

“Can’t you see what you did to him, jerk?” Ritsu continued to yell. “You’ve been taking advantage of his kindness for months, worked him down to this condition, and you don’t even bat an eyelash! Yet you call ME a barbarian?”

“Please... stop.” I heard Taya mutter. “Just stop fighting... please.”

“Taya...” I spoke to him. “Qingxian isn’t your friend... I hate to break it to you. She caused you all this pain. We’re just trying to defend you. I’m so sorry Taya... I know you hate conflict, but... there are nasty people in this world. Nice people like you don’t deserve this... I am so sorry.”

“Ritsu, please calm down.” Ruko said to him. “It’s no use talking sense into her. Some people never change.”

“But... I can’t forgive her for hurting my friend Taya...” Ritsu looked so distraught.

The rain continued to pour. Taya was growing weaker by the second.

“His pulse is weak.” I said, my eyes large with anguish. “Should we take him to a hospital?”

“I’m afraid it could have to be our best bet.” Ruko said, face still with worry.

“I’ll call Teto and Momo and tell them that’s where we’re going.” I said.

“A blood transfusion...” I heard Taya mutter. “When it gets this bad, I usually need a blood transfusion... I need to go to the emergency room.”

“We’ll get you right there, right now.” Ruko said.

In the pouring rain, as the darkness of night approached, we sped off towards the emergency room. I couldn’t stand the sight of Taya with all the life seemingly sapped from him. Nothing would feel right again until he would make a full recovery... until I could see his smile again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I made Qingxian such a selfish (insert profanity here) (I’m trying to keep the language G-rated, even though the story has heavy themes.) Well, I haven’t heard her voice yet, but I like Qingxian’s design. I just thought the series needed a kind of personality to set the girls apart from all being “nice” girls. Eventually, I decided it also needed an antagonist. I ended up getting a bit carried away with Qingxian. I wanted her to still be like-able, but now she’s arguably becoming a bit difficult to like...
> 
> Uta Utane being the in-universe creator of UTAU (and by extension, Vocaloid) in the universe of Blue Song was something I was thinking about for a while. I find it would be a really cool nod to well... the entire franchises of Vocaloid and UTAU themselves.


	14. Chapter 14

Uta’s Point of View

It was a long, tense ride in the dark. Heavy silence the entire way, only broken by sighs and the occasional unanswered mutter to Taya to please hang in there. Taya was breathing heavily. I felt such weight in my heart.

Even Ruko drove the car extra smoothly and with utmost care this time, yet she couldn’t help but drive quickly and with urgency.

On the way there, we got to the scene of a traffic accident. The road was backed up and we had to take a detour. We all ended up cursing a bit at varying volumes. Except Taya, because he was much too faint, and I’m pretty sure he had never uttered a foul word in his lifetime.

Oh, why did these things always have to happen at the absolute worst times?

Taya, please hold on! I promise, we will make it...

We arrived to the emergency room by the time night had fallen. It was unexpectedly crowded in the parking lot.

“Uta, how is Taya?” Ruko asked me when we found a decent parking spot.

I began to feel his pulse. Taya began using the last of his energy to start speaking.

“I... need... a wheelchair... or a stretcher... please...” He uttered. These were seemingly his last words before he slipped into unconsciousness again, for the second time this day.

“Oh no!” I gasped, feeling panicked.

“Try to keep your composure.” Ritsu said. “We’re at the hospital now. He’s gonna be okay.”

“Okay...” I breathed out.

The rain had lightened up a bit, but it was windy and chilly outside, not to mention, wet, dark, and gloomy.

Ruko was walking towards a nurse and told her about the situation. The nurse brought a stretcher to the car and we lifted Taya up onto it. He was wheeled into the hospital as we followed.

After about fifteen minutes of questions and waiting (which honestly felt too long,) we were following Taya who was being wheeled into a cold room with multiple beds and some IV equipment. This was the room where he was going to get his blood transfusion.

I didn’t know Taya’s blood type, and at first I freaked out since I had never thought of asking him that during the months I had known him. If only we somehow reached that topic of conversation, I thought! But it turned out there was a solution to that. He was going to receive a transfusion of type O negative red blood cells, the “universal donor” type that anyone could receive. I felt so relieved knowing there was a solution...

“Hm... there appears to be a problem.” I heard a nurse mutter. “It appears we currently have a shortage of O negative...”

What!?

They came back to us to tell us the bad news.

“Are you certain that you cannot tell us his blood type?” We were asked.

But then I remembered... my own blood type is O negative.

I spoke up.

“I... I’m type O negative.” I said. “If it’s possible, then... I’d like to donate my blood to him...”

There was a bit of silence in the room.

“Given his condition, he’s going to need a lot more than you can safely give.” A doctor said to me. “He’s going to need around three pints worth of blood. Luckily, we have one pint left in our storage. But we’re going to need to draw two pints of blood from you. Okay?”

I looked at Ruko and Ritsu.

“I’m sorry, my blood type is AB positive.” Ruko said.

“I’m A negative. Sorry.” Ritsu said. 

They both looked rather downcast. Everything had to be put on me. Still, at this point, I didn’t really care... I just wanted to help Taya.

I nodded at the doctor.

“Yes. I want to go through with the blood donation.” I said.

———

I do admit I was a little bit squeamish when they stuck the needle in my arm and drew the blood from me. The solid red liquid was all draining from me, as if you pulled the plug from the bathtub and the water slowly went down. It was such an amount as well. I didn’t want to look after a while to see how much had accumulated.

It was all going to be inside Taya soon... It was going to save him... his life, potentially...

I wasn’t feeling woozy yet, but they warned me I would feel it soon. I would need to drink a lot of water, and the hospital staff was going to prepare me a vitamin-rich meal. Then, I was going to take it a bit easy and rest the following day.

Finally, the blood transfusion bag was prepared. Finally. The needle was set in Taya’s forearm where it would bend, and the content of my blood, combined with the last pint of O negative blood the hospital had available, was finally being transfused into his body.

Shortly afterwards, Momo and Teto ended up bursting into the room.

Upon seeing the sight of Taya, lying motionless on the platform, Momo burst into tears and began crying in Teto’s arms.

“It’s okay now, Momo.” I said, feeling very drained at this point. “He’s getting his blood transfusion now.”

“What a relief.” Momo and Teto said.

“Did you come here as well because you were so worried too?” Ruko asked.

“Yeah...” Momo said. “Sorry if I’m inconveniencing anybody.”

“No, not at all.” Ruko said. “It’ll be a lot better if you guys are here too.”

———

We all stayed by Taya’s side through the night. After an hour and a half, he regained consciousness. His blood transfusion would have to be four hours long however, and he would need to stay lying there on the platform until it was over. We promised to be there by his side keeping him company until it was over.

“With us all gathered here, it’s almost kind of... fun, isn’t it?” Teto said.

I had to smile. Teto was the kind of person who gave even the gloomiest situations a bit of color. She was always looking at the glass half-full.

“You know, I would like hospitals a lot better if they were colorful and had lots of fun things to do! I think that’s how they should be! That way, sick people wouldn’t have to be so sad and uncomfortable.” Teto said.

“I agree!” Momo said. “That’s why, I had this dream of being a nurse before. So I could brighten the hospital and give comfort to sick and injured people.”

“Ah, that’s nice.” Taya said. He was still weak and woozy, but he cracked a smile. “Thank you for being here and having a nice conversation with me.”

“That’s what friends are for!” Ruko said.

“You guys really are some amazing friends.” Taya said, smiling.

“Uta, you should tell Taya about what you did too.” Ritsu said.

“Yeah, Uta!” Ruko said. “If it wasn’t for you, Taya might not even be awake now.”

“Huh?” Taya asked.

“Oh, yeah...” I started. I suddenly felt sheepish. “You see, the hospital... had a shortage of O negative blood. Since we don’t know your blood type, that’s the blood they decided to give you, since anyone can receive that kind. But there was a blood shortage and the hospital had only one pint left. Since my own blood type is O negative, I decided to donate the remaining two pints... so I guess... I guess that means my blood is flowing in your body right now!”

I suddenly began feeling embarrassed and flustered. My face started turning hot, and I felt myself become a bit more woozy from my loss of blood.

I thought I even saw Taya’s face turn a bit red too, even though he was still quite pale from his condition. Was it an adverse reaction from my blood? I hoped not!

“Oh, um... wow.” Taya uttered. “You’re truly incredible, Uta. You’re like... a true hero. I don’t know if I could ever thank you enough...”

“It’s... fine, really...” I said, even though I was actually becoming really emotional.

Before I knew it, I was pouring my heart out.

“Taya, I... it’s because... I... couldn’t stand seeing you in so much pain... Of course I had to help you. You’re my friend of course...”

“Uta...” Taya gushed. “Everyone... I’m so blessed to have met you guys...”

“Aww...” Ruko said. “But take it easy, I think strong emotions may be exerting it a little.”

We shared a bit of a laugh. We spent the rest of the night casually chatting, as if we were in our dorm. Being there to comfort Taya through the ordeal and turning it all into a memory worth saving was such an unforgettable feeling.

———

Taya was finally discharged late that night. He was still feeling quite weak, and so was I. But him moreso. Taya, Ritsu and I rode back to the dorms in Ruko’s car. Teto rode back in Momo’s. It turns out Momo had gotten her driver’s license this year.

Taya and I both fell into a deep sleep in the back of Ruko’s car as we were headed back to the dorms. We even totally slept through Ruko’s crazy driving. We went back to the dorms and headed straight for our beds, where we both instantly collapsed and continued our slumbers for the rest of the night.

———

Thank goodness it was Saturday, because we both needed to sleep in. Taya also wasn’t in any condition to go to school either, if it had been a school day. In his weakened state, it seemed he had gotten a bit of a cough and headache and was now feeling quite under the weather on top of feeling groggy and woozy.

“You probably just need more sleep.” I said. “You know, I probably do too, thinking about it. You really can never have too much, I’d say.”

It was only 11:00 AM. Sleeping until mid-afternoon after eating breakfast sounded like such a plan to me.

“Okay, I’ll cook breakfast...” Taya said, weakly. “Do you want an omelette?”

Right after he said that, he had a coughing fit, and I knew he was in no shape to make breakfast.

“Taya, you shouldn’t exert yourself right now!” I said. “But... hm, you know what? I know of something really great I can make using just the microwave. I’ll be right back.”

I hoped Taya would be comforted by my microwave surprise.

Midway through the process, Taya poked his head in the kitchen to check on me, probably to make sure nothing had exploded yet.

“I’m doing fine!” I said. “It’s coming out pretty good.”

“It smells really good.” Taya said. He coughed a bit again. “Ah, sorry. I have a cough... Well, I’m surprised I can even smell it, considering I couldn’t smell anything else this morning. What is it?”

“Okay, so. You know how I eat microwaveable rice packs sometimes?” I said. “I just add some butter, cheese, mushrooms, spices, and vegetables to make it into risotto!”

“Ooh, I love risotto.” Taya smiled a bit. “That’s pretty innovative to make such a convenient version like that.”

“It tastes surprisingly good.” I said. “Especially for something I would come up with.”

“I’d imagine it would taste incredible.” Taya said.

Now Taya was just flattering me.

After it was finished, we ate together in my room.

“This is really good, Uta! I feel my energy being restored.” Taya said.

“I’m so glad. Eat up. After that, rest and take it easy, okay?” I smiled. I was beginning to sound like I was his mother though. I was really concerned about him.

After sleeping in a bit more, I woke up again at 4:00 PM. Wow. An entire day just flew by basically, and I spent the brunt of it asleep!

I checked in on Taya. He was still asleep, but something didn’t feel peaceful at all about the way he was sleeping...

His breathing sounded pained.

I felt his forehead and noticed he was very warm.

Just this action of my hand on his face seemed to have woken him up out of his light slumber.

“Uta...?” He said. “Oh...”

I noticed his voice was weak. He began to cough again.

“I don’t feel good.”

My heart immediately dropped.

“Taya, tell me the details.” I said.

“My head hurts...” He said. “It’s hard to breathe. I feel weak and faint, and I think I have a fever.”

“You are running a fever.” I said. “You were very warm just now. I’m concerned because you said it was hard to breathe. Taya... do you think you need to go to the emergency room?”

Taya shook his head to say no. He started coughing and hacking again.

“I’m sorry...” He said once his coughing fit ended. He then struggled to catch his breath. I heard wheezing from his lungs.

“That doesn’t sound good at all.” I said. “I’m taking you to a hospital.”

“But you can’t drive and I’d hate to drag Ruko into this again.” Taya said.

“Momo can also drive.” I said.

“I’d hate to drag Momo into this too!” Taya said.

“Then I’ll call a taxi.” I said.

“I’d hate to inconvenience the taxi driver.” Taya said.

“Taya, that’s literally their job.” I said. “To drive people.”

“But... they wouldn’t want a sick person in the back seat...” Taya said.

“So now you finally admit you’re unwell.” I said. “I’ll call an ambulance.”

“It’s not that bad... really...” Taya said, deliriously.

These also just happened to be Taya’s final words before the lack of oxygen got to him and he passed out once more in his bed.

Oh no.

I shouldn’t have prompted him to talk so much. I shouldn’t have had that mini arguement...

Anyway, I had to do something. It looked like ambulance it was.

Why did ambulances have to make such a scene when they arrived anywhere?

When they came to pick up Taya, he was carried out on a stretcher, and everyone was watching. People were worried. Momo, Teto, Ruko, and Ritsu lived in the same building, but they were in their rooms or busy and didn’t notice the commotion. Otherwise, they would’ve rushed to be with Taya too.

Seeing Taya be wheeled into an ambulance unconscious was enough to make my heart hurt. Seeing that and not knowing what was going on would surely make any friend of him panic.

The ambulance drove off, with Taya and I in it, it’s loud siren wailing through the air.

———

When we got to the hospital, it was a long and painful wait. Taya regained consciousness after being hooked up to oxygen. I broke down and apologized to him that the past few days have been so rough on him. I was so proud of him for getting through it and taking it the way he did.

I thought Taya was truly something brave.

After a lot of diagnostic tests, it was concluded that Taya had a case of pneumonia and he couldn’t catch his breath because of fluid that had accumulated in his lungs. It was theorized that when he was anemic, his body was weakened and became predisposed to developing the infection that caused his pneumonia.

As Taya was a singer, we were also worried about how this would negatively impact his ability to sing, and for how long. His performance was coming up very soon, if you put it into perspective. Would he be able to perform well that day?

Taya and I were then alone in the hospital room.

“I’m sorry.” Taya apologized. “I’m so sorry Uta. I’m seriously such a burden.”

“You’re anything but a burden, Taya.” I said. “Nothing is your fault, okay? Qingxian is to blame. She took advantage of you without considering your well-being.”

Suddenly, someone burst into the room... at first I thought it could’ve been Ruko. Ritsu? Teto? Momo?

But it was none of them. If I gave you a hint to who it was, you might not believe me, so I’ll just come out and say it.

It was Qingxian.

Speak of the devil!

“You! What the heck are YOU doing here?” I said, aggressively.

Ugh. She was the last face I wanted to see right about now. Or ever. She was the sole reason Taya was in this mess. And she wasn’t the least bit apologetic on top of it all. It ticked me off. This girl was a monster.

“I rushed here as soon as I learned Taya was in the hospital.” Qing said.

Oh really? Yeah right.

“Well, considering you were the one who put him in here, did you think it would magically redeem you? Or did you come to ask him for ANOTHER favor?” I said. I rolled my eyes. I normally was never this snide. Except with people I despised. And Qingxian fit that bill.

“I... I only wanted to see how he was doing.” Qing said. “Please don’t give me such an attitude, okay?”

“Excuse me, are you talking to ME?” I said. “You’re the whole reason Taya is in this mess in the first place. And nice to know that you love to watch him suffer, you monster!”

“That’s... not true at all.” Qing said. “Let’s talk outside. I think we’re upsetting Taya by arguing in here.”

“The only thing that’s upsetting him is you. Get out.” I said forcefully.

“Uta, please calm down. Nothing is that bad.” Qingxian said.

What?

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! Not that bad!? Calm down? As if she wasn’t the cause of this whole ordeal?

Before I knew it, I couldn’t fight the urge to bring my palm to her face and slap her.

As soon as I did that, the tears began to flow.

From me.

“How... how could you?” I began to cry. “How could you say that after everything you put him through? Taya was on death’s doorstep yesterday because you made him mow your lawn in the rain while he was anemic... He had to get a blood transfusion here, and now he’s back because it left him too weak to fight off a pneumonia infection! Taya is a sweet, sensitive person, and you took advantage of every bit of it. He deserves none of what he got.”

“Oh, I’m... sorry to hear that... Also, I was just trying to console you.” Qing said.

Why did everything she said to try to redeem herself sound so lifeless and fake?

“No!” I said. I couldn’t even think straight. I was too overcome with emotion. “It’s your fault! I don’t wanna hear it from you so get out!”

“Geez... Well then. Bye.”

Qingxian took off and left.

Good riddance.

I just hope I didn’t upset Taya too much by arguing so vehemently with Qingxian. I know Taya hated arguments and conflict.

But surprisingly...

“Uta, thank you.” Taya said, once she left. “You stood up for me... You’re so outspoken for the sake of me. Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. I can’t stand her either.” I said.

“But... that leaves a problem.” Taya said. “Qingxian is a performer in my play. I wonder if things can still keep going the way they are. The play is supposed to be a happy memory, and well... if Qingxian is in it, it would be ruined a bit.”

I did agree with that. I wondered what would have to be done. We had gone so far in our production, and the play was going to be performed so soon. It’s not like she could be replaced now.

I felt so bad for Taya. The performance of this play had meant so much to him. But Qingxian’s presence in the theatre club just had to ruin it all...

I just hoped that we didn’t have to interact with her anymore for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, the medical stuff in this chapter is most likely super inaccurate.


	15. Chapter 15

Taya’s Point of View

The last couple of days had been an ordeal. But whenever I remembered that it was Uta’s blood that had brought me back, I felt warm inside. It was her warmth that was now flowing through my veins...

The warmth I would get from these thoughts helped me fight the chills I got from having pneumonia. I was discharged from the hospital again, late that night, as morning approached. I was prescribed antibiotics, pain relievers, along with medicines that would help me cough up the fluid in my lungs. It sounded nasty, but I would have to get rid of it somehow.

I decided to keep my distance from Uta for a while. I was sick. I didn’t want her catching what I had. So I mostly stayed in my room and slept for the next day. Uta occasionally dropped by for visits and to check up on me, however.

I began to open up to Uta about something else though. About how I felt like I was such a burden. I certainly was feeling like one now.

“You know, I’ve always felt like this.” I said. “That I‘m a waste of space, and that I contribute nothing to the world.”

“I... actually feel similarly about myself sometimes.” Uta said. “I’m sorry, Taya. But we both have to learn to combat this I guess. These feelings lie to you.”

What she just said, actually shocked me at that moment. Ah... now that I did think of it, Uta did have depression.

“I’m... sorry.” I said. “But Uta... you’re certainly not a waste of space, okay? You are incredibly special. You are an amazing person with an amazing gift. You’re kind, brave, and always help out others. You have a gift at the violin and play it with such sincerity. You have a warm heart and bring people together.”

“Taya...” Uta responded. “I appreciate it. But I think if anyone here is special, it has to be you. You have an incredible heart. You can see the good in so many people. You see the glass half-full, you’re caring, selfless, and thoughtful. You’re a gifted singer, musician, thinker, and very introspective. You make me laugh, and well... I can’t imagine life without you.”

We both stared at each other in a bit of awkward silence.

“...Ah.” We said at the same time.

“I’m flattered you think that about me...” I said. “But... I’ve always felt like I’m just nothing, but... if you can see all that in me, then... thank you.”

“Thank you as well, Taya.” Uta said. “For the compliments, and for being you.”

I smiled. We hugged, but without our faces being too close so that Uta wouldn’t catch my sickness.

———

In the evening, I needed up getting another surprise group visit from my buddies, Ruko, Ritsu, Momo, and Teto.

“We heard Taya was sick.” I heard Momo say to Uta. “He’s been through a lot lately, hasn’t he?”

“Oh, come in!” Uta let them all in. “Try not to disturb Taya too much. Also, he’s been really concerned about anyone else catching his pneumonia. So if you enter his room, try to keep your distance a bit.”

I greeted them from my room.

“Hello everyone!” My voice was still weak, but they heard me.

“Taya!” They answered.

They went in my room and all presented gifts to me!

“So, I went and looked around my house for this, and it turns out I still have it after all.” Momo said. “I remembered you said you liked the anime, Cardcaptor Sakura. Here’s three old volumes of the manga series. A present for you to keep! Have you read the manga version before, Taya?”

“Oh! I have not! Thank you so much, Momo! That’s very thoughtful of you.” I said.

“I made this CD of a bunch of cool songs I think you’d like.” Ruko said. “A lot of them are from anime, though I think they’d fit your aesthetic. I feel like you love piano and house EDM.”

“Ah, yes, I do!” I answered.

“Yes! I was right!” Ruko cheered.

I smiled. My friends were being so thoughtful.

“I painted you a picture!” Teto said. She held out a small canvas to me. 

“Oh, wow! It’s so pretty! I love it!” I smiled. I was in awe. It was a colorful picture of the six of us as hamsters, having a tea party in a dollhouse room.

The hamster version of me had blue fur and a monocle! The hamster version of Teto was small and round in size, and had very swirly magenta fur. Momo as a hamster was pink and wore a green ribbon. Uta’s hamster had purple fur and wore a black beret. Ruko’s hamster was the largest in size, was black with a blue stripe, and had multicolored eyes, blue and red, just like her. Ritsu as a hamster was sunset red and a bit small in size.

Ruko looked at the painting and was in awe of how much the hamsters in the picture really resembled us!

It really was a lovely and whimsical painting, and it was filled with Teto’s personality.

Ritsu gave me a present too.

“I may not seem the type to be into this, but... I sometimes tailor-make outfits. I ended up making some vintage menswear for myself a while back that I decided just wasn’t my style. But it definitely is yours, I think. So here. You can have them.”

Ritsu handed me a cloth bag with clothes inside. I took them out, and instantly fell in love. They were so posh and dapper looking! There was a suit jacket and a vest, paired with long black pants.

“I think our sizes may be similar.” Ritsu said. “I’m shorter than you, but our body mass might be around the same.”

“Do you want to try it on?” Ruko asked.

“Hm, sure!” I said. I went to the bathroom and changed. They fit surprisingly well, though the pants were just a bit short.

“Oh, you look dashing!” Ruko said once I came out.

I smiled. I felt like a new gentleman! I was still feeling quite ill, but the kindness and presents I got from everyone cheered me up greatly.

“Thank you so much, Ritsu.” I said. “And Ruko, and Momo, and Teto! Your gifts are all so thoughtful and lovely. You guys are the best.”

Everyone smiled at me.

“Well, we should get going now.” Teto said.

“You should rest, Taya.” Momo said.

“See you later, get well.” Ritsu said.

“I hope you feel better!” Ruko said.

They left the room.

“Oh, that reminds me.” Uta said. “I almost forgot, I was meaning to give you something as well...”

Oh?

Uta rummaged through some grocery bags she brought back during her earlier shopping trip. Out of one, she pulled out a medium-sized blue bunny Squishmallow!

Ah! It was so cute and looked so soft! I wanted to cuddle it!

“Surprise!” Uta said. “You said you liked these, right?”

“Yes! I do!” I said. “It’s so cute!”

Uta smiled at me.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t find the strawberry one... I would’ve totally got you that one if I saw it in the store. But I promise, as soon as I see it somewhere, I’ll get it for you, okay?” Uta said.

“Okay! Thanks so much!” I replied. I appreciated it.

I began talking to the bunny as I held it in my arms.

“Hello. What’s your name?” I asked it.

The bunny soon began to speak to me. Ah, not literally... But I sort of began to imagine a personality for it. For them, I mean. Yeah. The bunny went by “they” and “them” pronouns. They were non-binary. Kind of like me. That was what they ended up “telling” me.

They also told me that they didn’t like being blue at first, but learned to embrace it.

“Ah, sou da ne...” I answered to them, speaking a mixture of English and Japanese. “I see.”

I felt like the bunny needed a name. Hmm...

Ah. Since I just said “Sou da ne,” how about... Soda? It could be short for “Sou da ne.” They were also a blue bunny, and there were blue soda drinks in Japan.

Uta entered my room again after a while.

“Uta, this is Soda!” I said, introducing my friend to her.

“Oh, you gave him a name.” Uta said.

“Soda is agender. They go by ‘they’ and ‘them’ pronouns.” I said, correcting Uta.

“Oh. Okay.” Uta said. “Can I hold them for a while, then?”

“Sure.” I said. 

“Hehe, they are very soft.” Uta said.

“When you were outside, Soda told me all these things about themself.” I said. “They are an alien bunny who hatched from an Easter egg that landed from space. The night they arrived, there was a meteor shower where tons of Easter eggs containing rabbits of Soda’s kind fell to Earth.”

“Hm?” Uta asked me, a bit amused. “Did you make this story up yourself?”

“Yeah.” I said, a bit embarrassed. I decided to continue.

“Anyway, even though Soda is quiet and timid, they are able to roar. They like to paint pictures, and they use eggs as their canvas. Soda has a habit of saying ‘Ah, sou da ne,’ Which is where they get their name... and their name is written in kanji like this...”

I took out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote the first kanji in my last name, pronounced “Sou” (or “so,”) along with a common kanji used in Japanese surnames, meaning rice paddy, and usually pronounced “ta” or “da.”

Together, they spelled out 蒼田 and was pronounced Soda, like the kind you would drink.

“Um... wow. Such an imagination!” Uta looked rather impressed. “You came up with all this in five minutes? You’re some type of genius, Taya...”

“Yeah, well...” I felt modest. “Actually... I’m not that creative. I’m just lonely a lot. So I began daydreaming like this a lot as a kind of hobby. But... now that I have you, and Ruko, and Ritsu, and Teto, and Momo... I no longer feel alone.”

“Still, you are quite creative, I think.” Uta said. “I think you’d make a great author.”

“You really think?” I felt flattered. “Thank you...”

———

Later that day, I read part of the Cardcaptor Sakura manga Momo gave me before falling back asleep, cuddling my new plush Uta got me. I drifted off to some of the quieter, calmer tracks from Ruko’s CD. I had a dream about being a hamster, and hanging out with my friends, who had also turned into hamsters... just like in Teto’s painting... And the clothes Ritsu made were surprisingly so comfortable to sleep in. Not that it was appropriate attire for bed... Though I did tend to sleep in a suit and tie anyway, usually.

I was all wrapped up in the kindness of my friends.

Eventually, I got another visitor. A pair of visitors, actually. Lapis and Merli had come by to visit.

By this point, I had awaken. I was planning on going back to sleep when I heard their voices.

“Oh, Taya is asleep right now.” I heard Uta say.

“Oh. We heard he was sick. We wanted to check on him.” I heard Lapis say.

“Oh, um... I’m awake now!” I called from the room.

“Ah, it seems he’s awake.” Uta said.

Lapis and Merli came in my room.

“Are you okay? Sorry Qing did this to you.” Lapis said. “If she doesn’t end up reforming, we will ban her from performing in our next group production.”

“Thank you.” I said. Uta mouthed the words “thank you” as well and looked extremely relieved.

“Qingxian was so horrible to do that. I am deeply sorry as well.” Merli said. “As part of the college student council I will perhaps look for a way to ban her from our club, even.”

“Oh, um...” I said.

“Don’t be so hesitant now, Taya.” Uta said. “She ruined your life. Don’t you want her out of your life?”

“...Yeah.” I said.

Lapis and Merli wished me well and went back on their way.

Several minutes later, I was visited by Kaito and Haku from my fifth period class.

“Get well soon, Taya.” Haku said. She looked gloomy out of pity.

“Aw, I think you should smile.” I said.

“But you’re sick... and you must feel bad.” Haku said.

“But smiling is the best medicine.” I said. “Don’t worry, I won’t mind.”

Haku gave a bright smile. Ah, there it was! Now things felt bright in here. Kaito smiled as well and pat Haku on the back.

In the midst of it all, there was another knock on the door. It was Zatsune. What? Even Zatsune was concerned enough to give me a visit?

“Hey, Taya.” She said. “I heard you weren’t feeling well. Like, at all. Is there any way I can help?”

“You guys showing so much concern and being here for me is honestly enough.” I said. “Thank you so much. It means a lot.”

Zatsune looked a bit touched, and then she smiled. It warmed my heart to see. Even the edge lord was becoming tender and sweet.

———

After everyone left, I tried going back to sleep. But there was another knock at the door. Gee, I’m sure popular today...

Uta opened it. But... oh no...

It was Qingxian.

Uta was about to slam the door shut, but Qingxian started pleading. I was wide awake now, and hearing all this from my bedroom. 

“Please let me be there for Taya this time.” She said.

“No. You were never there for him.” Uta said. “Not when it mattered most, and you definitely aren’t going to now. Bye.”

“Uta...” Qingxian suddenly spoke in a tone that sounded legitimately apologetic. I guess Uta picked up on it too, because she began to soften up, just a little bit.

“Uta, I... can I just talk to you though?” Qingxian pleaded. “I feel... I... I regret what I did and said. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I put Taya through.”

“...I don’t think I can forgive you yet.” Uta responded. “But. I will listen to what you have to say.”

“Thank you.” Qingxian said. “That means a lot. So... I was thinking of how I could make it up to you and Taya.”

“Well, you see, you could start by understanding this.” Uta said. “Taya wasn’t... exactly even doing these favors because he can. Or because he truly wanted to, even. He’d been doing them because he was feeling obligated to.”

“But... I don’t understand.” Qing said. “He could’ve just said no to me...”

“You don’t understand Taya very well then.” Uta continued. “He feels he has to say yes to every favor, because he’s always felt like such a burden in life. Qingxian, Taya wanted to be your friend. He was so afraid that by saying no, you wouldn’t like him anymore.“

I was now peeking out of my room. I know it isn’t good to eavesdrop, but...

I saw Qingxian’s face. A look of remorse... tears in her eyes.

“Taya is hurt inside.” Uta continued. “You took advantage of his pain by using it to your advantage. That’s what I need you to know.”

I saw tears begin to roll down Qing’s face right then.

“I... never realized that.” She cried. “I just... I just thought Taya LIKED helping me... I... To tell the truth, I wanted to be his friend too. His kindness inspires me so much, but... I guess people like him and people like me are incompatible after all.”

“Well, Qingxian.” Uta said. “You can always turn over a new leaf. And by apologizing, I think you might’ve taken the first step.”

“Uta...” Qingxian said. “I’ll pay Taya’s medical bills. They were a lot, weren’t they? It’s okay. I know I’m responsible.”

“Oh.” Uta said. “Well Taya’s parents have already got some covered, so you don’t have to pay full.”

“I’ll pay as much as I possibly can.” Qingxian said. “And to tell the truth, I hang around with awful people... My friends are all bad influences. While I was shopping with them, they told me to give Taya attitude if he didn’t finish mowing my lawn by the time I got back. I’ve wanted to cut ties with them for a long time, but... I guess I just couldn’t say no! Ironic, right? Considering that I literally put Taya in the exact same situation...”

“You should work on becoming a better person.” Uta said. “I’ll support you.”

“Thank you.” Qingxian said. “I’ll work on earning my trust and apologizing and redeeming myself to everyone I’ve hurt.”

“That’s good.” Uta said. “I think Taya will be glad to hear that when he wakes up.”

They still thought I was asleep. I decided it was a good time to come out and tell them I heard everything...

“Um... hello.” I walked in.

“Oh. You were awake?” Uta asked me.

“Yeah.” I said. “I heard everything.”

I began to look at Qing.

“Qingxian?” I spoke.

“Yes?” She responded.

“I will give you a chance.” I said. “As long as you are truly sorry, begin to rely on yourself more, and never again take advantage of others.”

“I promise.” Qingxian said.

———

It was now nighttime. Qing wanted Momo, Teto, Ritsu, and Ruko to be called to the room so that she could formally apologize to all of us.

Qing was especially nervous about Ritsu.

“I didn’t mean to call him a barbarian...” She said. “Especially now that I realized that the real one all along was myself. I’m worried he will always hate me.”

I wanted to tell Qingxian that Ritsu would be understanding. But I honestly didn’t know. Were Uta and I perhaps being too lenient with Qing? Would none of our other friends give her a chance?

Before I knew it, I was becoming nervous about the outcome as well.

———

“So, why did you call us all here?” Teto asked.

“You’ll see. Just don’t be shocked.” Uta said.

Qing walked through the door and I could sense the tension in everyone’s faces. Uta had to speak up.

“It’s okay everyone. She’s here to apologize.”

“Indeed.” Qingxian said. “I am immensely sorry for all the hurt I have caused everyone. I will be paying Taya’s medical bills to apologize. I will also be cutting ties with my mean, awful friends and working on earning back trust. I understand if you may not trust me right away. But I just want you to know, I am so sorry.”

There was a bit of silence. Finally of all people, Ruko was the one to speak up negatively.

“I don’t know, Qingxian.” She asserted. “What you did to Taya was pretty awful. I’m not exactly sure if you mean all that, or if people like you can change that easily.”

We were then all hit with another unexpected surprise. Ritsu spoke up. To defend Qingxian.

“Ruko, I believe Qingxian is being sincere.” He said. “I believe people really can change.” He said. 

“Ritsu? Are you really serious?” Ruko answered back. “I appreciate your idealistic view, but that’s naive. People aren’t like that in real life. Horrible people never change.”

Qingxian’s face fell the moment she heard the word “horrible” come out of Ruko’s mouth. There was conflict in the room... Oh no.

“Ruko...” Ritsu started saying again. “You might not think so, but I know so. I know for a fact that people can change. I know what it’s like.”

“Give me an example then.” Ruko said. “Come on. Tell me.”

Ruko and Ritsu were two friends who got along so well. Now they were having a disagreement. It was hard to watch and listen to.

“Ruko...” Ritsu suddenly became a bit quiet. “I have a confession to make.”

Ritsu’s face was serious, but his usually stoic demeanor was cracking. He wa trembling a bit. Ruko must’ve noticed this, because she softened up a bit and let him speak.

“Yes?” She answered.

“I was... once like Qingxian, a long time ago.” Ritsu confessed. “I... used to bully people. I used to be awful. You can decide for yourself how different you think I am now, but... I... I know I’ve changed since then. So I know firsthand that people can change, and I know Qingxian can too.”

There was silence in the room. Ruko simply stood there. It was a lot to take in. I’m guessing it was the same for Ruko.

This must have made Ritsu think the worst.

“Ritsu, I-“ Ruko started saying, after the silence was drawn out.

Ritsu interrupted, a bit on edge.

“Well, um, I’ve always kept my past a secret from you because I feel so awful about my past actions...” He continued nervously. “I just... feel like you should know now though.”

I saw the first signs of Ritsu beginning to choke up.

“...I’m sorry if you hate me now...” He muttered softly.

Tears began to pool in Ritsu’s sharp green eyes.

Ruko seemed to instinctively know when Ritsu was about to cry. She went towards him and gave him a tender hug.

“Ritsu... I could never hate you.” She spoke consolingly. “Why did you keep such a secret from me? I’ll always be here for you. You know you can tell me anything. I’ll never hate you for it.”

Ritsu could no longer fight the urge to cry. Tears began to stream down his face.

“Because... you’re... such a nice person, Ruko...” He sobbed. “You’re always standing up for others and lifting spirits up and... all I ever did before I reformed myself was push people down. I‘m such a horrible... person... why would you ever want someone like me as a friend?”

It was heart-wrenching to hear Ritsu talk about himself like that. Ruko rubbed his head a bit to calm him down.

“My view of you hasn’t changed a bit.” Ruko said reassuringly. “I understand that you’re a different person now than who you might’ve been back then. I didn’t know you back then, but I can tell you’ve changed so much. I don’t detect even a trace of malice in who you are now. The fact that you feel so much remorse about your past speaks volumes about how much you want to make up for your actions. I say you’ve already made up for your past. You’re a wonderful friend, okay?”

Ritsu nodded tearfully.

“I’ll always be here for you, Ritsu.” Ruko said. “Now calm down...”

“Okay.” Ritsu wiped the tears from his face and began taking deep breaths.

“Ritsu...” Qing says. “Give me a hug too. I’m sorry I called you a barbarian that time.”

“I’m sorry I cursed at you, Qing.” Ritsu said.

“Nah, I definitely deserved it.” Qingxian said.

The two of them hugged it out.

I started clapping. I thought what had just happened was a pretty beautiful scene. Everyone else started clapping as well. Ruko and Ritsu began to blush a little, and then bowed. Qingxian smiled a bit.

Qing then gave Ruko a tearful smile.

“I understand if you don’t want to forgive me, Ruko.” She said. “But I just want you to know, the bond between you and Ritsu inspires me so much. You‘re always giving to each other. I will strive to be someone like that as well.”

“Qing, it’s okay now.” Ruko said. “I do admit I was hesitant at first, but... I think Ritsu showed me that people can change. So I finally think I can forgive you. Just please, stick to your promise, deal?”

“It’s a deal.” Qing says.

Ruko held out her fist. She and Qing did a fist-bump.

———

For the next few days, I continued to recover a bit each day. The medicines were definitely helping, and my ability to sing was slowly coming back...

I was able to go back to the theatre club. People have started mentioning that Qingxian felt more open and cheerful now, as well as being “different,” as in more kinder and pleasant.

I’m so happy that we could inspire change in her.

Qingxian never asked me for another favor again.

With our big performance on the horizon, I wanted to get better as quick as possible so I could be at my best for the performance...

The play, even though a bit late, was also finally given an official name.

Fantasia Story.

It was something everyone agreed on, and Uta and I somehow both had in our brainstorm lists when we wrote down possible names for the play. Once we saw we both had that name in our thoughts, we simply just had to name it that.

My life lately had been quite hectic, but many memories had been born out of it. It certainly was never dull, however, and what mattered was that I was spending them with Uta, and with my friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ritsu sure cries a lot in my fics... Ritsu, more like soft and fluffy shitzu.
> 
> Also, Fantasia Story is also the name of Nagisa’s play in Clannad. Yay, Clannad references!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **UPDATE October 21 2020: I have updated and edited this chapter. A lot has changed, and it’s almost not the same chapter anymore. Refer to the updated end notes. I’m also planning on this story to be 45 chapters now instead of 50.**

Taya’s Point of View

It was November 8th, the day the Theatre Club was to finally perform our original play, Fantasia Story, to a large live audience.

November 8th fell on a Friday this year. A very cold Friday. I felt a crisp chill in the air that reminded me of the holidays, which were soon approaching. It made me feel even more joyful and excited.

I was still not fully recovered from pneumonia, but my voice was mostly back and I could finally get through the solo song, which was the longest I had to sing for, without having to stop and wheeze and catch my breath.

The previous night had been eventful as well.

Last night on the 7th of November, we finally found another opportunity to meet with Clara at the karaoke cafe last evening. Clara was having quite a busy schedule too lately, so it was a rare chance when we both were free and up for the occasion.

This time, the crowd that gathered there with her was a bit smaller. Uta and I were there, along with Ruko, Ritsu, Teto, Momo, Qingxian, and Clara herself.

We decided to take this opportunity to hang out a bit with Qingxian and have her continue to redeem herself to us.

Ritsu went on stage first as usual, and sang another powerful solo that knocked all our socks off. It was Meltdown, but a version of it I had never heard before. It was a slower, more emotional piano arrangement of that song. It sounded even sadder that way. Ritsu’s powerful voice really shone in this song, and he managed to hit the absurdly high notes with control and finesse. As usual, his voice was filled with emotion... It made me feel somber and get chills. I even contemplated a bit why Ritsu seemed to gravitate to these sort of songs so much.

He got a round of applause, and I noticed he said “Thank you” with more gusto than before. I noticed that he had been becoming a bit more open lately. Good for him!

Ruko went up on the stage second, and sang a duet... with herself! The song she sung was Last Night Good Night, and she switched between a lower masculine tone and higher feminine tone throughout the song, sounding like two completely different people! I thought it was stunning! She truly had an incredible range.

We all clapped, and Ruko said “Thank you,” a bit bashfully this time...

This time, instead of me volunteering to go up third, Uta did.

“Well, I’m not quite ready to sing Jitter Doll again...” She laughed once she was on the stage. “But... I think I want to try... singing a duet with Taya.”

My eyes lit up then. I would love to.

“Wanna sing ‘Eve’ with me?” Uta asked me, a bit shyly. “From Y to Y is a bit of a sad song, and well... we’re happy now! You’ve let those feelings go, Taya...”

Indeed... From Y to Y was a song that reminded me of Saya. I connected to it deeply, but... I wanted to sing a more hopeful song.

“Uta...” I started to say. “I love that song. I’d love to!”

I walked up to the stage and grabbed a microphone. Uta selected the song.

“You can start first, Taya.” Uta said.

The soft song began playing throughout the warm, cozy cafe.

I started to sing the lyrics softly.

-

_Hey, do you still remember?_  
_The sound of my voice,_  
_the warmth of my touch,_  
_and the landscape we gazed at together?_

_Now that you have left,_  
_what do you think of this place?_  
_I feel lonesome, under this dark sky._

_The hands of the clock silently tick on._  
_If I decided to follow my shaky vision,_  
_and just go wherever it points me,_  
_without even knowing where I belong..._

-

I heard Uta’s voice. She had join in and began to sing with me.

-

_Hurry, before I disappear,_  
_please, give me your hand..._  
_If you could catch me as I fall one last time,_  
_Then I'll never let you go again._

-

There was a bit of an intermission.

Then, Uta sang a solo part. I closed my eyes and took in her soft voice. She sounded beautiful with the microphone’s echo. She really had improved. She had a beautiful voice all along anyway. She just needed to believe in herself, really.

-

_I still remember..._  
_The sound of your voice,_  
_the warmth of your touch,_  
_and that flat, even road we strolled on together._

_But here, the light has been snuffed out,_  
_if I were to fall into the depths_  
_of this horrible, tainted darkness_  
_without ever knowing the answers to my questions..._

-

We began to sing together again.

-

_I wonder if it's still possible_  
_to discard this wounded body of mine,_  
_spouting meaningless words,_  
_I'm left with a future that I cling desperately to._

-

I began to sing alone again.

-

_No matter where I look,_  
_everything that I once knew..._

-

Uta began singing alone.

-

_...Is now vanishing before my eyes._  
_So please, don’t bring my hopes to an end._

-

We sung together.

-

_Please come back to me._

_Where you belong is here by my side,_  
_I will forever believe that._  
_Once you realize that too, then time which has stopped for me,_  
_will begin moving once again.”_

_Oh please, turn the key and give me your hand_  
_before I disappear completely._  
_If you could catch me as I fall one last time,_  
_then I’ll never let you go again._

-

We smiled bittersweetly as the song ended... it was an emotional song still, but I felt it was a bit more hopeful than From Y to Y... and I got to sing it with Uta.

We got a round of applause from everyone.

“Thank you!” We both bowed.

A delicious smell suddenly wafted through the air... ah! The dinner buffet had opened. I was getting a bit hungry...

“Oh man, how about we take a break from performing?” Uta said. “I’m going to get some pork and rice...”

“You like Colombian food, Uta?” Clara asked cheerfully.

“I like anything with rice in it!” Uta responded happily. I laughed a bit. Uta certainly did love her rice.

Everyone raced off to get a dish from the buffet, and I was a bit behind... I still felt one presence behind me, however.

“Hey, um... Taya.” They spoke. Ah... it was Ritsu.

“Yes?” I turned around and answered him. I immediately noticed the expression on his face. It was... quite different from his usual one. I couldn’t exactly tell how, however, but... if I had to describe it, he looked a little bit... insecure.

“Taya, um...” He began stammering. This was certainly quite rare for him.

“I just... first of all, I want to say. Thank you.” He said. “Since I’ve met you, I’ve... been a lot more able to show who I really am, and... even Ruko has been saying that...”

“Oh.” I said. “No problem. I’m glad!”

“But well...” Ritsu continued, growing quieter with every word. “The thing is, Taya, that I... um... I have... feelings for you.”

...Oh.

Ritsu had suddenly gotten all quiet, his face red like his scarlet hair.

“Ritsu?” I asked him, softly. “You... you... like me?”

With a red face and shy expression, he nodded.

Oh... well... I actually didn’t feel the same about Ritsu. He was a very nice friend, and I loved him that way. But not in the same way Ritsu loved me. I really appreciated him... I wanted to tell him that.

I didn’t want to break his heart.

“Ritsu.” I said. “I’m sorry... But... there’s... already someone else I have feelings for.”

I saw Ritsu’s green eyes turn into glass.

“...Oh.” He said.

“...Yeah.” I said. I wanted to console him. “But... you’re still one of the best friends I’ve ever had, Ritsu. You, Uta, Ruko, Teto, and Momo. And Saya. You are all my precious, irreplaceable friends. My life wouldn’t be the same without you. Okay?”

The expression on Ritsu’s face began to grow into a smile. He nodded in acceptance.

“Okay!” He said.

I’m glad I was able to cheer him up.

“Taya. Thank you.” He said, before walking away to the buffet. “For being you.”

I smiled and waved at him. I watched him walk off. Suddenly, I felt the urge to call back out to him...

“Ritsu!” I called out. He turned around.

“Thank you too, for being you.” I said. “And for being my friend. I wish you good luck in finding someone.”

———

And that was how yesterday went.

Now, forward to this morning.

My parents, who I haven’t seen in quite a while, were coming to see me perform. My parents have kept in touch and were close with Saya’s parents as well. My mother called and asked if she could invite Saya’s parents to watch the play as well.

“Certainly!” I said. “It would be nice to see them again and for them to see how I’ve been doing as well.”

Uta said her three siblings were all coming to the performance, but not her father. I didn’t exactly blame her for not inviting her father.

School wouldn’t be over quickly enough that day. Afterwards, I eagerly headed to the theatre club room along with Uta. We were going to head from there to the auditorium.

“You’re in such a good mood, Taya.” Qingxian said. “I’m glad.”

I did notice I was walking a bit rhythmically. I just did so when I was excited.

“Seeing him happy puts me in a good mood too.” Uta said.

“His happiness really is contagious.” Qingxian smiled.

“Indeed!” Uta replied.

“Hehe!” I blushed a bit.

The auditorium was all set up for us to perform from the preparation we had done yesterday night. The sets were all in place and looked rather gorgeous.

We had two hours before the crowd was to come in. Meanwhile, we would get dressed, warm up our voices, do last minute mental preparations, refresh our memories, hang out, give cheers, and loudly whisper “Ahh! This is it, this is it!”

This really was going to be it. My story which I had poured my heart into writing and creating with everyone was finally going to come to life onstage and be brought into to the hearts of many... it gave me such excitement to think about.

Merli was painting some make-up on my face so I would look more mechanical doll-like. I didn’t have this make-up for the mini performance we gave on the 1st of November. This was entirely new. I wondered how I would look...

When I saw myself in the mirror, I thought I looked... rather cute. The mascara made my eyes seem bigger. There was a bit of blue blush on my face to give me both a metallic look and the appearance of rosy cheeks (but of a different color.) I had a faint bit of pale pink lipstick on. Certainly otherworldly.

“Taya?” Uta reacted when she saw me with the makeup. “You... look like... a doll...”

“Well, heh. That’s literally the point, Uta.” I said.

Uta began turning a bit red. Now her cheeks were becoming rosy pink!

“It’s... cute...” She muttered.

“Ah, thanks.” I said.

———

All day long, I felt a peculiar feeling. It was an inexplicable feeling that was surrounded by magic and joy... it certainly was a great and comforting feeling. It was a feeling that I associated most often with Saya.

After Saya passed, I seldom felt it anymore, and nearly forgot what it had felt like. Now that I was feeling it again, I felt all tingly and nostalgic. It must’ve been because of the big day. The play, and being surrounded with friends like Uta.

“We’re heading backstage in five minutes!” Lapis announced. “The first guests will be arriving in approximately that time.”

“Alright!” Everyone responded.

“Ready for our final boss battle, Taya?” Kyo asked me.

“Haha, well... this certainly kind of feels like one, doesn’t it?“ I laughed.

“Haha! But we’re super ready for it!” Kyo said. “But I’m feeling the same anticipation! And it’ll feel twice as triumphant!”

“Wow! I feel pumped now!” I said.

“Yeah! Now you’re talking, Taya!” Kyo gave me a fist-bump.

“I heard gamer talk.” Uta said. “Taya, we should play an RPG together sometime.”

“Sounds like a deal to me.” I said, smiling.

Everyone went backstage and had quite a chat.

Eventually after a while, I peeked through the curtain and found that the huge auditorium had been filled halfway already!

“Eep!” I squeaked. “Um... all those people!”

I suddenly felt so unnerved. I just realized I hadn’t done enough exercises to combat my stage fright! I was so focused on overcoming my pneumonia, I had forgotten all about my stage fright!

“Uta, there are so many people out there!” I said.

“I know...” Uta said. She looked a bit worried as well.

“Uta, do you have stage fright too?” I asked.

“Relatively.” She said, shaking a bit. “Weirdly, I never realize the things I’m scared of things until I’m face-to-face with them. Then it suddenly becomes as clear as day that I’m scared. Like, one time I had no idea I was scared of beetles until I saw one live and I freaked out... I guess this is happening to me again now, but with preforming for crowds... hehe!”

“It’s okay Uta!” I said. “Let’s be scared together! No wait, let’s be brave together! I know we can do it!”

“Oh, Taya. You’re so great at cheering me on.” Uta smiled sincerely. “Thank you.”

“Hey, Uta. What’s something you really love?” I asked. “Something you can be yourself in front of?”

“Hm... Um... honestly? You, I guess.” Uta said, giving a shy smile.

“Well...” I continued. “Pretend the audience is made out of just a bunch of Tayas then.”

Uta suddenly burst out laughing. A pure, genuine belly laugh. I wondered what was so funny about that! Was I really such a funny person that the thought of an audience of nothing but me cracked her up so much?

“Oh man!” Uta said. “That is one FANCY audience!” She laughed. “Nothing but suits and ties and tuxedos! And all the strawberries they’d be eating! Haha! And when I say something interesting, the audience will all say, “Is that sou desu ka? Ah, sou?”

“Hey, don’t make fun of me like that!” I said. But I was laughing too. “I’ll just imagine an audience made up of a bunch of Utas then! Tons of hats! And hopefully the building doesn’t have a kitchen in it!”

“Hey! Don’t you dare!” Uta said. She was still laughing however. I laughed back. We were having such a wonderful time laughing, and just like that, the butterflies in our stomach were flying away.

———

It was finally about time for the play to start. Backstage, we gathered together and gave one final cheer before we lifted the curtain and started the first scene.

“Alright... let’s give this performance our best!” Lapis said. We all joined hands. On the count of three, we all lifted our hands up and gave a cheer. It felt wonderful being part of something. It was like our theatre club was a team.

The curtain opened, and the scene of Lapis in her room began. Lapis was a lonely girl, and the first scene featured her building toys and getting lost in he own stories alone in her room. She sang a solo song as this was depicted.

Eventually, the girl was to build the mechanical doll. This where I came in. The girl and the doll had all sorts of imaginary fun, before the girl had to die of scarlet fever.

The doll had an inner monologue then. Basically, I had recorded myself speaking beforehand, and these lines were played over the speaker so my voice could play without me having to open my mouth. This was because the doll was not yet alive.

Suddenly, I came to life, and I spoke my first words on stage.

“Alive...” I muttered. “I’m alive!”

Thus began my adventures and escapades filled with meeting and helping various people and making friends.

I met Uta along a stone path and fixed her compass. Dex in a fursuit began attacking me. Oh, he was playing a wild wolf, remember?

Uta saved me and we had our first conversation. I promised to grant her wish. I got to say my favorite line for the first time...

“Take my hand. I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen.”

Uta took my hand in hers and smiled at me.

“Now, shall we go?” I asked.

“Sure.”

The scene had to switch. In the meantime, I heard the audience applaud during the small break. Ah, they were applauding for the world I had created! What a wonderful feeling!

We met Ruby and Gumi. They were deeply in love, yet Gumi was hospitalized for a chronic illness with an uncertain prognosis. She wished to see the ocean with Ruby. I used the power in my heart to magically lead them to the ocean. I made Gumi’s hospital bed able to fly as well, so she wouldn’t have to walk in her condition.

I met Nigaito, the little boy with a wish to see his dog again. He wasn’t able to comprehend that his dog had passed away. I used more of the power in my heart to give him a last memory with his dog and to help him accept his dog’s death.

Qingxian was an orphaned little girl who I took on my journey as well. She wanted a mother who loved her.

I met Bruno and Dex, a farmer and blacksmith who were in love, but rarely got to see each other due to being constantly busy. I used my magic to give them a time together where they could relax together.

There was Merli, the lonely and stoic librarian with a wish to have a daughter. She eventually adopted Qingxian, the little girl who wanted a mother.

Uta and I met Daina and Kyo, an elderly man and woman who were having their first argument after fifty years of never fighting. They wanted to make up with each other, so I lead them to a situation where they would notice each other’s remorse and apologize.

At this point, I only had a bit of magic left in my heart. The magic in my heart was what was powering me, and without it, I would no longer be able to move.

At this point, I realized I was fading away, and that I couldn’t be the family Uta wished for.

I decided to use the last of my magic to give Uta a family who wasn’t me. But in turn, I would have to fade away and part from her.

Uta began to cry.

“Taya.” She said. “I just want you to know, you are the kindest, most magical and wonderful friend I ever had, and I will never forget you. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done. I love you.”

“I love you too, Uta.” I said. “But it’s time for me to go.”

I waved one last goodbye to her and departed to a place where nobody would have to see my death. I began to sing one last song. My final solo. My goodbye to the world.

I actually got a bit emotional as I sang this song. And not just my character, I mean. Me, myself. I tried keeping it in. At one point, I was fighting both shortness of breath and the onset of tears as I sang. I tried to keep my voice sounding as stable as possible. I choked up just a bit during the end, but luckily I don’t think anyone noticed.

There was a round of applause as I finished my solo, then gasps of anguish and “aww”s as I fell to the ground, unconscious. My character had died...

...

Ah... I had fallen asleep. In my weakened, drowsy state, still not one-hundred percent recovered from pneumonia. But this dream wasn’t like any others I had. It was a lucid dream... an incredibly vivid and clear one. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I was floating around in a dark, starry space.

I was a bit scared for a moment before. But suddenly, I felt a comforting, warm, and soft presence. A nostalgic and sentimental feeling washed over me. Something so tender...

Inexplicably, I immediately knew who it was who was visiting me.

I softly uttered her name.

“Saya...”

“Taya.” I heard her answer. That was when I saw her, floating amongst the twinkling stars.

She was all grown up now. She looked so beautiful. I felt myself melt into emotion.

Her periwinkle hair was still short and wavy, but was in a low ponytail on the other side of her head than I wore mine. She wore an elegant dress. Her cobalt eyes shone like two sapphires. Painted on her face was a delicate, sentimental smile.

“Taya, I’m so glad to see you again.” She spoke to me. Her voice echoed throughout the space. “I’m sorry our final memories together had to be so sad. I am always thinking about you. I’m so proud of who you’ve become and I’ll always be cheering you on. I will always remember our precious times together. I love you...”

“Saya...” I felt tears come from my eyes, but in this dreamlike setting, they began to sparkle and levitate around me, rather than drip down my face. “I... I love you too. I’m so happy to see you again. I missed you so much, Saya. Saya... I’m so happy...”

We wrapped our arms around each other and embraced in the center of the cluster of shining stars.

“Taya...” Saya smiled, once we parted. “ Should I Taya ribbon in your hair?”

She pulled out a ribbon and began to gently tie it in my hair. I smiled...

Wait... did Saya just make a pun from my name? Well! Now I had to make one back to her!

“Oh, Saya... I ‘Saya’ coming. I sensed I was going to see you. I knew it was you.” I said.

Saya began to laugh. Oh, how I missed the sound of her laugh...

“I missed hearing the Sound of your voice, Taya.” Saya said, smiling.

“Hee, I missed hearing the Tone of your voice, Saya!” I said, smiling wide.

“Haha, alright Taya.” Saya continued to laugh. “Remember, don’t trip over mushrooms.”

“Haha! Well, don’t eat too many berries that your tongue turns purple.” I joked back.

“Ha! Well... See you later, bunga raya.” Saya said. Her presence was now fading away, ever so slowly. Ah... I wanted her to stay longer. But such is life, I guess...

“Well, right back at ya, jambalaya.” I said back to Saya.

“Taya...”

“Saya...”

“Taya... Taya! Hey, Taya.” A voice was shouting to me now. And it wasn’t Saya’s.

Huh?

“Hey! Did you fall asleep for real?” It was Kyo. He was poking me. And I was offstage.

I sat up.

“Huh...” I said. “I... I guess I did.”

“Haha.” Kyo said. “Well, We noticed your were extra limp when we carried your character’s dead body off. We just thought you were being extra devoted to your acting.”

“Oh, haha. That would’ve been funny.” I said.

I felt my hair to make sure it wasn’t messed up from me being asleep.

Huh? I felt a ribbon in it. A ribbon that I swear I didn’t tie in my hair earlier today... a pale yellow ribbon. It looked a lot like a specific ribbon that Saya had lost while we were in middle school. Somehow, someway, it had ended up in my hair...

Ah, I remembered. Saya tied a ribbon in my hair in my dream... but... if I still have it, then that means, it wasn’t just a dream. Saya... she really did come to visit me.

Saya really did pay me a visit after all. I smiled, feeling so sentimental and touched. Saya was still out there. She hadn’t forgotten about me. She was still herself. She still loved me and we were still best friends and we always would be.

That alone was enough to make me incredibly happy.

————

The play ended and we all gave a grand bow to a tremendous round of applause! The curtains closed, and I began crying. But I wasn’t sorrowful in the slightest. I was crying because I was so, so happy. These were tears of joy.

“Taya! Are you okay?” Uta saw me crying and ran up to me.

“I feel so wonderful...” I choked out. “So happy...”

“Aww.” Uta gave me a hug.

When I stopped trembling, I told Uta about the dream I had, and how it wasn’t a dream. I showed her the mysterious ribbon tied in my hair as proof. Saya had come and visited me. She spoke to me. She told me we would always be together, and we even joked around again just like the good times.

“That’s such a wonderful story.” Uta said. “I really do believe you. I believe these things are truly possible. Miracles, and magic... they’re real. I know it’s strange coming from me, but... you make me believe in miracles, Taya.”

Afterwards, there was a bit of a party in the auditorium with food and drinks. I went up to my parents.

“Taya, there you are!” My mother said. “You did such an amazing job. Is this really a story you wrote yourself?”

“Um, yeah!” I answered sheepishly.

“Wow! I’m telling you, we have have such a talented son.” My mom said to my dad. “And I’m guessing this girl is Uta?”

“Oh, yes! That’s Uta. She’s been incredibly nice to me, and without her, I don’t think I would be where I am right now. She helped me out so much, when I was in the hospital, when I was sick... and without her, I may not even be alive, even. Mom, Dad, we owe my life to her.”

Uta was looking away and was quite red.

“Oh my. Such a lovely friend. Thank you for always being there for Taya.” My mother said to Uta.

“You’re welcome.” Uta said sheepishly. “Taya is a really incredible person. He has helped me out a lot too.”

Soon after, I got to meet Uta’s siblings.

“Uta, this is the first time I’ve heard you sing.” The youngest one said. She looked a bit like Uta, but shorter, and with longer and lighter hair. “It was really lovely! I didn’t know you could sing like that.”

“Oh, um...” Uta was sheepish again. “I’m not that good yet. And Taya was the one who taught me, mostly. Everyone, this is Taya. Taya, this is my oldest brother, Kanade. That’s my second-oldest brother, Hibiki. And this is my little sister, Koe.”

“Nice to meet you, Taya.” They all said.

Wow! They really did resemble Uta a lot in their own ways. I certainly did see a resemblance. They were all quite purple! Their hair and eyes were different shades of purple, anyway. They were all polite, just like Uta.

“So, you’re Uta’s boyfriend?” Hibiki asked me.

“Ah... no... I’m just her friend.” I said.

“He’s turning a little red.” I heard Koe whisper.

Ah... I was?

“Well, I’ll always be happy to have another brother.” Kanade said.

“I’m telling you, it’s nothing like that.” I said.

“We’re just joshing you around.” Hibiki said.

“Ah, siblings.” Uta said. “As annoying as ever.”

I didn’t have any siblings, so I didn’t personally know.

Just then, Miki caught sight of Uta’s siblings.

“Whoa!” I heard her call out. “There’s a whole Default Family here!”

“...Default?” Koe asked.

“Don’t ask.” Uta answered.

“Are you guys Uta’s brothers and sisters? You look just like her!” Miki squealed. “Did you know Uta’s nickname is Defoko? Therefore I’ll give you Default nicknames like hers!”

“Your nickname is Defota!” Miki pointed to Kanade.

“Your nickname is Defosuke!” Miki pointed to Hibiki.

“Your nickname is Defona, also known as Defo-Imouto!” Miki pointed to Koe.

“...What language is this girl speaking?” Hibiki asked us.

“Again, don’t ask.” Uta said again.

———

We hung out some more at the party. At one point, I ended up seeing, um...

It was Ruko and Ritsu. They were both underneath a window looking out to the stars. They were embracing, and fondly gazing into each other’s eyes. Their faces got closer, and... ah... I’m afraid I can’t tell you more... uh... never mind...

They just kissed.

There, I said it.

Ruko and Ritsu shared a passionate kiss underneath the starry window. It certainly did look pretty romantic...

I looked away though, to give them a bit of privacy. I realized that Uta also noticed their kiss as well. She was looking a bit flustered.

I felt happy for Ruko and Ritsu. I just hope that nothing was awkward about us catching them having an intimate moment like that. What if they had wanted nobody to see them?

I hung out with Uta and her siblings, along with my parents and Saya’s parents.

“You know, this ribbon in my hair used to belong to Saya.” I told Saya’s parents. “She gave it to me. It’s very special to me now.”

“Oh! Well, it’s in such good condition.” Saya’s mother said. “You certainly take good care of it.”

“Yeah...” I said. “And... Saya... well. She’s still out there. I know that for a fact. I can still feel her presence. I think that’s enough to prove she’s still with us.”

“You know, Taya. You’re right. Thank you.” Saya’s mother said. “She really is closer than even you know.”

Huh. I wonder if Saya’s mother had ever been visited by Saya before.

A bit later, Ruko went up to us. As usual, Ritsu was behind her. But Ritsu had a bit of an unusual smile on his face.

“Hey, Uta! Taya!” Ruko greeted us. “Ritsu and I are... well, we’re a thing now! We’re dating!”

“Ah! Congratulations!” Uta and I didn’t have to pretend to be surprised, even though we kind of already knew. The happiness we had for them came out naturally.

“Yeah!” Ruko cheered. “You know, Ritsu and I were basically already in love for months now. But only recently did we decide to admit it and become official!”

Ah... Perhaps some magic happened, and Ritsu realized his feelings for Ruko after I turned him down last night.

Well... to be honest, I still felt a little guilty about having to turn Ritsu down. But he and Ruko looked so happy now! It made me feel so happy for them too!

And wow... they did love each other all along too, huh?

Hmm... maybe... ah...

Uta and I suddenly looked at each other... Ah! When we noticed we made eye contact, we immediately turned our faces right away!

Ruko and Ritsu looked at each other and smiled in a certain way, as if they knew something we didn’t. Huh? I wondered what they were thinking...

Uta and I went back to the stage to see who else was there to hang out with. There was Momo and Teto! I noticed that Teto was tickling Momo. She was being all over her, and I heard her call Momo “sweetheart!”

Ah! Could it be? Were Teto and Momo also going out?

“Hello, Uta and Taya!” Teto said to me. “Guess what? I just asked Momo out, and she said yes!”

“Wow! Congratulations!” We both said.

“Yep! Well... it’s a little early to kiss on the lips, though.” Teto said. ”However...”

Teto gave Momo a little peck on the cheek. Momo’s face lit up. She looked so delighted.

“Aww, sweetie pie.” Momo gave Teto a little smooch on the cheek back.

“Aww, honeybun!” Teto squealed.

Teto and Momo collapsed into a pile of hugs and cuddles. Haha! How cute. I kind of envied them...

I noticed Uta was becoming a little flustered.

————

After a while, the party ended, and we had to leave. The atmosphere in the room after the party felt like such a sweet, calm afterglow. It was almost like going to bed and slowly drifting off to serene dreams after an amazing day.

Taking in this wonderful aura, I decided to be a bit bold...

“Uta.” I said. I kneeled to the ground like a prince and held out my hand.

“Take my hand...” I said. “I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen.”

Uta’s mouth grew into a pleased smile. She took my hand...

“Shall we go?” I said.

“Sure!” Uta smiled. Her cheeks were rosy. I loved that look on Uta so much. I wanted to frame her happiness.

I wanted to bottle up this entire moment.

I brought Uta to a place where a miracle personally happened to me.

The Hill.

The hill where I was lost on the first day of school. The place where I first met Uta.

Meeting Uta was a miracle to me. I wanted her to know that.

“You know, I’m starting to grow fond of this old hill.” Uta said, as we were walking up it. “It does have a really nice view. And... it was where I met you, after all.”

Ah! So... so she did remember!

“Yeah.” I said back to her. We reached the top of the hill and paused, taking in the view.

I took in a deep breath.

“Um, Uta?” I said softly. “There’s... something I want to say to you.”

A soft wind began to blow across the hill.

“Yes?” Uta answered.

“Um...” I started saying. “I want to say... Thank you. For being there for me. For everything. Meeting you has brought me so much joy and courage. It was such a chance meeting, yet I can’t imagine what I would do without you.”

Uta smiled. Suddenly, she began to take my hand into hers. Ah.. it was so warm.

“Thank you too, Taya.” She said. “You’re the reason I’m able to laugh like this. To smile again. It’s so much fun with you around. I’m able to see the joy in little things again because of you. So... thank you too.”

The sky above was completely clear... and the stars were shining so brightly. Uta and I gazed upwards... and I began fumbling with my fingers a little as I focused on one bright star...

“Uta?” I spoke up once again.

“Yes, Taya?” Uta replied.

“Um... I also want to say... Uta, I... I like you. You make me feel so happy. Would you... um... would you go out with me?”

...Ah! I did it. I did it! I told Uta how I felt... Finally...

“Taya...” Uta responded. The look on her rosy face right then... was one of true joy and bliss. It was enough to melt my heart.

“Taya, I’d love to.” She said. “Um... I like you too! And... um...”

Even though it was cold outside, I felt warmer than ever. Inside and out. With Uta by my side... I felt like I was surrounded by warmth and love.

The wind blew again, and suddenly, I felt a third presence here with us. As if someone was hugging us both... It was so tender.

But nobody was. Not physically at least. But it felt warm and comforting...

“Taya?” Uta spoke up after a while. “I think... I think I just heard Saya. She spoke to me.”

“I think I just felt Saya here with us too.” I said. “But I think she only spoke to you. What did she say?”

A beautiful smile grew on Uta’s face.

“She thanked me.” Uta said. “Saya said... ‘Thank you for being alongside Taya. You’ve made him so happy. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.’”

I smiled back. Twinkles were in my eyes... I was so glad that Saya and Uta got along.

“I’m sure Saya would’ve really liked to meet you.” I said to Uta. “You know, ever since I first met you, I’ve felt you and her shared very similar souls... Perhaps that’s why I latched onto you so quickly...”

“You know. Saya is my friend too.” Uta said. “I might not have ever known her the way you did, but... she’s important to me too. I feel like we are friends as well.”

I smiled at Uta.

“Indeed.” I said. “Saya is lucky to have a friend like you.”

Uta smiled back at me.

“Taya? Um... I love you.” Uta said softly and shyly. Then she smiled.

“Ah! Uta...” I couldn’t help but smile as well. “I love you too!”

With Uta by my side, there was nothing I felt I couldn’t do. We were still climbing uphill side-by-side together, and our destination was still uncertain, but all I knew so far that our journey was already quite an unforgettable one. And it was all because of Uta and her wonderful spirit.

-END OF ARC ONE-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **UPDATE October 21 2020:** Okay... so it’s kind of a lot. I added the karaoke part because I thought of a whole side-conflict where Ritsu had one-sided feelings for Taya but gets rejected by him. This one-sided crush will be explored more in the spin-off story, Waves of Longing.
> 
> And this story doesn’t show it, but Ritsu actually didn’t take being rejected well. That part will be shown from Ritsu and Ruko’s perspective in Waves of Longing.
> 
> Also, **I added that Taya confesses love to Uta at the end of this chapter.** I decided it was a perfect moment for a love confession after all. Before, I thought it was just too early for them to get together. But now I just... I don’t know anymore haha. I made it happen anyway.
> 
> And the song Uta and Taya sang together in the karaoke part was Eve by JimmyThumb-P, same producer who made From Y to Y. The English translation was found on the Vocaloid Lyrics Wiki and was written by NegiMiku.
> 
> **I also juiced up the karaoke part in chapter 2 by adding the English lyrics of From Y to Y, so give that a read too if you can.**
> 
> **END OF UPDATE**
> 
> —————————
> 
> I’m planning on taking a bit of a hiatus after this, and write other things instead. Maybe I’ll flesh out some side stories and characters in the Blue Song universe. I have been ignoring my muse Haku Yowane lately... I should write her story involving her budding romance with Neru, and her friendship with Kaito, and the other characters that weren’t featured in these chapters that much, or at all.
> 
> The reason I was able to write this fic so fast was not only because I was very inspired, but because this was a fairly simple and low-key story project and I wasn’t putting so much constant pressure on myself for it to be “the most absolutely perfect work ever.” I definitely feel like I put that pressure on myself when it comes to my Whimsica stories. It’s also so hard for me to get into that playful whimsical mood lately...
> 
> I think I might brainstorm how to tone down my more ambitious projects to be a bit more simple (and less daunting) so I could push them out quicker like I have been doing with Blue Song. I need to just go ahead and write them!
> 
> Also, the jokes that Taya and Saya said to each other in the emotional scene referred to inside jokes mentioned in chapter 7, and one from chapter 8.
> 
> Anyway, here’s what is coming up in Blue Song: ARC TWO...
> 
> Deeper into Uta’s backstory  
> Part-time jobs  
> Taya’s 21st birthday  
> The second semester and new classmates  
> Romantic interactions between Uta and Taya!  
> More fun! More feels! Laughing, crying, drama, it’s all here in Blue Song!


End file.
